Interrogation 101

I knew it!!! I knew it had taken them too long to butt in!

(Conference call between Pacemaker, her cousin, and I. First we start talking about MGH's brother and his friends being in town, then the whole Spain prospect... then I make a comment to myself after reading something outrageous on FB... and then FB takes center stage)
PMsCousin: Hey! So I was meaning to ask you, what's this I've seen going on between you and Lito on there?
Me: My cousin's friend? Nothing.
Pacemaker: Oh yeah! I saw that! Why's he calling you "Sabrosa?" What the hell is that about?!
Me: It's a joke. Sabrosa's a dude.
Pacemaker: Hmm... sounds fishy.
Me: No... he's my sister's dude. That'd be fucked up.

Of course, I don't tell them how he first greeted me...

I've seen the guy around for the last... three years of my life, since he's friends with my cousins. It wasn't until last year at a family reunion (he was there, because, well, he's like a brother to my cousins) that we actually talked to each other.
After arguing about music and playing some beer pong (he, not I. I'm only good at Flip Cup), it was time for me to go. He was going to shake hands and pull me in for a kiss on the cheek, but he miscalculated (at least, that's what I tell myself). His hand accidentally slipped into the deep V of my shirt, and he wound up cupping my left tit and pulling me in for the kiss.
It was in front of my cousins, my sister, and my uncle.
He apologized and I acted like I was fine... no blushing or stuttering.
I should have won an Oscar for playing that off.
But Pacemaker and her cousin will never know that.

Anyway, after my first successful dodge of their interrogation, the conversation around FB dudes still wouldn't die.

Pacemaker: I thought that guy making fun of Ronaldo was funny.
Me: Darcy?
Pacemaker: Hahahahaha! (mimicking me) Darcy?
PMsCousin: Heheheheh! Don't even try playing that off! Your own voice betrayed you!
Me: No it didn't. He's my friend.
Pacemaker: Hmmm. Right.
Me: Hmmm. Right.
PMsCousin: Do your eyes get wide when you see him? Feel like your heart will beat out of your chest?
Me: No. (Yes...)
Pacemaker: And her knees probably get weak!
Me: NO! (...yes...)
PMsCousin: She probably forgets to breathe and shit...
Me: Shut the fuck up guys... y'all are so gay (well, I do get lightheaded sometimes... because... ok, yeah, maybe I do forget to breathe)
PMsCousin: (in a sing-songy voice) She got ma-ad. She has a cru-ush.
Me: What are we? Ten? I met him in one of my English classes. I thought he was cool and his sarcasm made me smile. Later I found out we had this random connection through mutual friends. He's pretty hot, but I get the feeling I bug him because I never manage to shut the fuck up on facebook... But anyway! You don't see me making fun of your guy friends. I see how *CholoDude* comments you, PMsCousin. Now that nigga... none of my friends call me "boo" (oh my God, and if they do, I will kick their ass) or say I'm "lookin' fine, girl." What's up with that??
PMsCousin: Hey, that's just how he talks. Can't blame a guy for representing East Los... wait... did you just admi...
Me: Shut up.

And this is how my friends ambush me in the middle of the night, when I'm sleep deprived, and get me to flip right before going to bed... just for fun.

At least they didn't get to see my red face...
did you know Mexicans can blush?