Hoebag

A few weeks ago, I was unpleasantly surprised when I dyed my hair.

I had planned to dye it light brown.

Surprise, surprise, my hair turned out RED.

I didn't freak out too much, because it did this ombre thing where my roots were red-ish but the tips were black. The gradation was strange, but I could live with it.

Fast forward to yesterday.

I had a coupon for a certain hair dye. I practically paid nothing, and the brand is a brand I dig. I swore my hair would turn out a little better, a darker brown.

What happens?

I have fucking red roots again and black tips. 

I'm lucky the whole ombre shit is popular right now... because I feel like a complete retard.

Mom: What the heck are you doing to get... such an odd outcome?

Me:... hmmm... well... considering how the hair is turning out... my best guess is that the supplements I've been taking fuck with the dye (I love how I can cuss around this lady, even during Holy Week. My mom has eased up so much recently)... makes it red.

Bonjour, je m'appelle AnoMALIE, et je suis une... scientiste? 

Looks like I'm going to be a redhead for a minute.

I'm trying jet-black next month... maybe that shit will work.

In other news, I have a very sexy cold-sore adorning the lower right side of my lip... and by "sexy" I mean "fucking disgusting, life wrecking piece of shit."

In a perfect world, I'd stay locked in my house, avoiding sunlight until this stupid shit gets off my lips... but my body requires way too many fucking veggies.

I was out of spinach and asparagus, so I decided to make a run for the grocery store.

This lifestyle change has made me LOVE grocery shopping. I enter my own little world and I sit in the produce section for far longer than I must. My mind switches to calm-mode... and I forget about my surroundings.

That happens when I'm at the grocery stores near my house... the white-washed section of the valley.

But see... I REALLY like the stuff they have in the hood... because the healthy bastards in my area eat all the stuff I like, so I rarely find stuff I need... but in the hood, BOY! I find my stuff with a quickness... AND it's cheaper.

So it's a tough choice. It all depends on how much gas I have in my tank.

ANYWAY, today I chose the hood.

Immediately, I noticed a particular character... a character I've never been all too lucky with, they always hate me for no reason, and I don't have the balls to say anything back:

Totally unintentional setting, but when I read it, I laughed to myself like a crazy person.
Only thing fresh on this bitch is... her ass she is so proudly flashing to the world. Breezy down there, homegirl?

We followed each other around the store, buying the same shit.

Things got awkward when we wound up following each other to the same checkout counter-- as I was diligently bagging my own groceries. Chick rolled her eyes at me, but I acted as if I couldn't see anything (mainly out of fear. I don't fuck with that shit).

Right as I was going to walk away, bitch straight up tells her fellow hoodrat:

"Let this fucking hoebag pass."

...

????

What the...

I did not say a word... just felt my chest burn with rage, and walked away.

What gave her the impression I was a hoebag?!

I sat in the car and thought about it... 'cause shit like that can bug me for years.

Was it the fact that I was wearing pants? A black t-shirt?

Than I remembered:

Motherfucking cold-sore!

Add insult to injury, upon closer inspection, I realized I had two white stains (from a melting ice cream cone I was holding a while back) on the black skinny jeans I was wearing... stains being located near my groin area.

Touché, bitch... touché.