I did it all for the cookies

Lent was on the 13th.

I had a difficult time deciding what I'd give up.

I once again went for the no cussing thing.

However, knowing that I'd most likely break this promise within MINUTES of leaving the church parking lot, I decided I'd make a second "super easy" promise.

No sugar.

I thought this would be "super easy" because I've dropped sugar from my diet, for over 45 days, FOUR TIMES in the past two years.

Big mistake. BIG FREAKING MISTAKE.

I am like a pregnant woman right now. I'm craving some crazy stuff... like eclairs-- I don't like those things because they don't agree with my palate. Suddenly, I find myself contemplating the best bakery to find the tastiest eclair in the city.

Mexican sweet bread-- I LOATHE it, yet now I find myself eyeing my mother's conchita as we enjoy our late night tea time.

There are also those bastard Girl Scout Cookies.

I've NEVER had Girl Scout cookies... EVER... yet for some freak reason, a stupid scout was setting up on Sunday outside of church, slangin' her freakin' sugary meth.

AND I WAS SO TEMPTED! I have no clue what those pieces of crap taste like... yet there I was, for an hour, absolutely tortured as I debated whether or not to purchase some cookies once Mass was over.

I'm alone... I have my wallet in the car... Mom won't know... I'll just sit in the car and finish it before coming home... like some Bulimic high schooler... Oh my goodness... what the hell am I doing?!

I ALMOST ran to my car-- I'm absolutely serious right now... that's how fast I walked out of the area.

Crisis averted.

This morning, I check out Facebook... only to see Subway is GIVING AWAY free cookies.

WHAT THE HELL, MAN?! What is this garbage?! WHY NOW?!

My birthday is a little under two weeks away... NO SUGAR on my birthday? What THE FUCK was I thinking?!

I should have just given up sex and drugs again.

(Get it?)

I'm an idiot.