I'm currently experiencing my typical delayed reaction to unpleasant news.
My brain has processed it, and now my body is reacting.
I'm lethargic... I'm apathetic to everything going on around me... and I've finally released a couple of tears.
I'm also retrieving some fucked up memories I hadn't thought of in... years.
Today's most vivid memory:
8th grade science class was where I first did the sugar-crystal rock candy lab.
I was excited.
I remember we were allowed to choose the trippy colors we'd want our rock candy to turn out, using food coloring in the primary colors.
I took my time to make some green food coloring, orange food coloring, and kept blue for my third color.
We were given styrofoam cups, which we had to write our name on... and since I'm so ADD prone... and get carried away when anything similar to sketching is involved, I decorated my styrofoam cup with my name in different styles. I was the one with the most extravagant cup.
We all did the lab, which was basically making a sugar and water solution, tying a rope to a popsicle stick in one end, and a paperclip on the other. The paperclip went in the dyed sugar-solution, and the popsicle stick was placed on the mouth of the cup to keep the rope suspended and the paper clip from touching the bottom of the cup.
We were then told to place the cups in the room's only window, which had a sliding door, which would prevent us from opening it and perturbing the crystallization process.
The experiment would take about two weeks, but we'd all end up with really cool crystals attached to the paperclip and rope in the end, as long as we were patient and did not touch the cups.
About three days into the experiment process, I remember the teacher allowed us to carefully examine our cups to see how the crystallization process was coming along.
Everyone was excited, their level of liquid was diminishing and a couple of crystals were starting to form.
Mine? No difference... although I could no longer see the orange dye... which I thought was weird, so much so I checked the cup a couple of times to make sure it really was MY cup.
A week in and we were allowed to re-ceck our crystals.
My classmates had some awesome, colorful crystals by now.
I was crossing my fingers, kind of excited, hoping my cup would have finally gotten with the fucking program.
I grabbed my cup and felt my heart drop.
My cup was heavy... very heavy.
I looked in, and saw it was now a syrupy, dark blue liquid... like the deep ocean... with my string and paperclip just chillin' in there.
I called my teacher over.
"Oh my God, Anomalie! What did you do?"
I was watery-eyed... choked up... and confused.
Me: Nothing. I followed your instructions... and I had green and orange in here... I don't know what happened.
"I guess someone must have... accidentally... stirred your cup... and added more water... You'll just have to use your friend's data to finish the lab. Go throw your cup away, I'm sorry."
I walked over to the trashcan and felt some of my classmates follow me with their eyes. I had to look down into my cup as I made my way across the room, so I wouldn't have to make eye-contact with anyone... and have them see the tears in my eyes... or my quivering bottom lip.
I finally couldn't help myself, and a couple of giant tears dropped as I looked down into my lap when I took my seat... the rest of class was still at the window sharing glimpses at each other's cups.
I hardly spoke to anyone... I hardly SPEAK... yet someone disliked me enough to fuck up something I was so interested in-- something so cool. Someone decided to take that away from me.
What hurt me most? This person was anonymous. I'd never know who he or she was... or why he or she did it... yet he or she had the satisfaction of watching me sit very dejectedly in my seat while our 28 classmates gushed about their cool project by the window.
That's pretty much what my life has been all about. Not much has really changed. I doubt it ever will.
My brain has processed it, and now my body is reacting.
I'm lethargic... I'm apathetic to everything going on around me... and I've finally released a couple of tears.
I'm also retrieving some fucked up memories I hadn't thought of in... years.
Today's most vivid memory:
8th grade science class was where I first did the sugar-crystal rock candy lab.
I was excited.
I remember we were allowed to choose the trippy colors we'd want our rock candy to turn out, using food coloring in the primary colors.
I took my time to make some green food coloring, orange food coloring, and kept blue for my third color.
We were given styrofoam cups, which we had to write our name on... and since I'm so ADD prone... and get carried away when anything similar to sketching is involved, I decorated my styrofoam cup with my name in different styles. I was the one with the most extravagant cup.
We all did the lab, which was basically making a sugar and water solution, tying a rope to a popsicle stick in one end, and a paperclip on the other. The paperclip went in the dyed sugar-solution, and the popsicle stick was placed on the mouth of the cup to keep the rope suspended and the paper clip from touching the bottom of the cup.
We were then told to place the cups in the room's only window, which had a sliding door, which would prevent us from opening it and perturbing the crystallization process.
The experiment would take about two weeks, but we'd all end up with really cool crystals attached to the paperclip and rope in the end, as long as we were patient and did not touch the cups.
About three days into the experiment process, I remember the teacher allowed us to carefully examine our cups to see how the crystallization process was coming along.
Everyone was excited, their level of liquid was diminishing and a couple of crystals were starting to form.
Mine? No difference... although I could no longer see the orange dye... which I thought was weird, so much so I checked the cup a couple of times to make sure it really was MY cup.
A week in and we were allowed to re-ceck our crystals.
My classmates had some awesome, colorful crystals by now.
I was crossing my fingers, kind of excited, hoping my cup would have finally gotten with the fucking program.
I grabbed my cup and felt my heart drop.
My cup was heavy... very heavy.
I looked in, and saw it was now a syrupy, dark blue liquid... like the deep ocean... with my string and paperclip just chillin' in there.
I called my teacher over.
"Oh my God, Anomalie! What did you do?"
I was watery-eyed... choked up... and confused.
Me: Nothing. I followed your instructions... and I had green and orange in here... I don't know what happened.
"I guess someone must have... accidentally... stirred your cup... and added more water... You'll just have to use your friend's data to finish the lab. Go throw your cup away, I'm sorry."
I walked over to the trashcan and felt some of my classmates follow me with their eyes. I had to look down into my cup as I made my way across the room, so I wouldn't have to make eye-contact with anyone... and have them see the tears in my eyes... or my quivering bottom lip.
I finally couldn't help myself, and a couple of giant tears dropped as I looked down into my lap when I took my seat... the rest of class was still at the window sharing glimpses at each other's cups.
I hardly spoke to anyone... I hardly SPEAK... yet someone disliked me enough to fuck up something I was so interested in-- something so cool. Someone decided to take that away from me.
What hurt me most? This person was anonymous. I'd never know who he or she was... or why he or she did it... yet he or she had the satisfaction of watching me sit very dejectedly in my seat while our 28 classmates gushed about their cool project by the window.
That's pretty much what my life has been all about. Not much has really changed. I doubt it ever will.
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