Gimme and H...

Ah... it's that time of the year again! The time when tons of Catholics flock to church and Mom and I get our annual fix of people watching.

Mom: Hey... look at *BoyfromsameplaceinMexico*. He's a cutie.
Me: What is he? 17?

(Boy then proceeds with taking "Jesus" off the cross. We were watching... oh man, I have no clue how to say it in English... but I guess it's the re-enactment of the passion... you know, with as little bloodshed as possible. The church youth group set it all up, so of course no one's skin is going to be getting shredded off)

Mom: But look at that... he's strong! He lifted Jesus right off the cross all on his own!
Me: Yeah. Hmm.
Mom: He's a cutie. Didn't you say he was listening in on your conversation the other day?

OK, Mom, I'm not about to start dating a 17-year-old boy.

Me: Yeah. But who cares? He's a kid. I like guys more like that dude over there.

I pointed at this unbelievably handsome man standing near the doors of the gym where this Play-thing was taking place. I saw him yesterday as well. He's tall, with a chiseled jaw, perfectly proportioned nose, broad shoulders and a small waist. His muscles almost bust through his shirt. Big hands (Oh! Those hands!). He's just... man... hot... Mexican version of David Beckham (and because of that, I start blabbing like some cave woman).

Mom: Who? *GuyIpointedat'sname*? Oh, he's *Cousin'ssisterinlaw*'s husband.
Me: Married? You don't say...

I stare some more at the guy.

Me: I'd do him anyway.
Mom: AnoMALIE! It's Good Friday!
Me: You're the one trying to hook me up with a 17-year-old, law-breaker.
Mom: Well, any good Catholic boy... I was just making an example.
Me: Yeah... I'm done with good Catholic boys. You saw what happened with Altar Boy. Now I'm only accepting applications from Agnostics and maybe even a couple of Atheists.
Mom: (scoffs) Well, don't come crying to me when your husband sacrifices one of your kids to the devil.
Me: Those are Satanists...

Yep. That has been what I've been up to these past 2 days. Going insane with how horrible some of these "Catholics" are and then participating in the bad behavior myself by carrying on really crazy conversations with my Mom.
She's trying to hook me up with children, while I check out married men without feeling any sense of guilt (no, I do... but I'm still going to stare at the man if he goes to church tomorrow).

I'm always doing that though. I seem to have a thing for the older crowd (not Dad-old, just... 10-15 years older than me). Why? I don't know. I tell myself I'm destined to be a home wrecker... because it sounds a lot better to me than the whole Freudian thing about lusting after my father. The older guys I dig look nothing like my father... so I blame it on... all the movies I've watched. The actors I like are all in the older crowd. Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Edward Norton, Clive Owen... etc.
This affection for older guys then spills over to my real life, and being that these men are in the "older crowd," they're usually married (however, once the crush is there, I do my best to get over it if I think the guy's attached in any way).

Cursed be you, Hollywood movies! You're turning me into a home wrecker!