Sunday, April 14, 2013

Editing who

So, I'm still on this fucking story, right?
(I can't say that without holding an imaginary gun to my temple)
I'm not hating. I'm just really concerned about losing my own voice and picking up some of the egregious errors my friend is into... because I do that... with everything.
Back in high school, I'd be kicking ass in calculus, acing shit left and right, thinking "This is some easy fucking shit... wow," then my friend who wasn't getting it at all (poor girl, Kelley and I would always mention to each other what a sweet girl she was, but to please KEEP HER FROM TALKING TO US ABOUT CALCULUS!) would ask me questions... explain to me why SHE wasn't getting it... and in my attempt to comprehend her, I'd doubt myself and GAIN her confusion, then I'd fuck my grade by getting some C's, and my final grade would always fucking drop to a B... all because I was a fucking imbecile who would DISCUSS calculus with my confused friend-- she'd get a B because she'd be the C-student who'd speak to her A-friends. Kelley stayed an A because she's a genius... and not as easily corrupted as I (she DID deal with my dumbass all through college. Ask her about Mam Phys or BioChemII... I managed to suck her into my world of "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I almost managed the same result with Molecular Biology, but she stayed sane for that. Contrastingly enough, we were the ass-kicking duo for Organic Chemistry... only crying on extremely rare occasions-- ask us about KBr pellets... motherfucking PIECES OF SHIT!). If I wouldn't be so anti-social, I'd probably get sucked into a fucking cult... that's how corruptible my innocent, idiotic brain can be.

ANYWAY! I'm reading this story while listening to music so I can stay a little aloof to the style.
I can totally hear my friend's voice in the story, and I AM feeling for her... I'm feeling a little sad.
I'm pretty sure all writers add personal experiences to their stories-- I sure as fuck do.
With this friend, I'm reading and I know SHE'S the protagonist... the person she wishes she would have been.

In real life, she's married to a somewhat violent cop... a guy who's probably 5'6", while she stands at 5'10". He's bald... with two kids from a prior marriage. He's round... husky, if you will tolerate the term... reminds me of a bulldog, to be quite frank.
I do wonder what exactly drew her to him... and my best guess is his character... that super strong behavior... tough-dude behavior. That HAS to be it.
The dudes in her story (oh my god, you mean to tell me the plot is a girl who likes two dudes? Wow. Haven't heard that one before) are ALL "around six foot two inches tall." One has magnetic blue eyes, the other... I forgot what adjective she used to describe the green... might have been "electric." One is a shaggy blonde, the other a dude with a black, buzz-cut fade. Whaaat? Yeah, I'm shocked as well.
Both are muscular, but EFFORTLESSLY muscular... as in "Oh, I'm buff? Totally didn't notice. Must be my genetics or some shit. I eat like a horse and do yard work. That's it. I'd call it Paleo if I cared to read health magazines, which I don't, 'cause I live in the country and I only care about farming... and getting dirty in rugged vehicles!"
SO! I'm reading this story and I feel heartbreak for HER, my friend, not the protagonist.
This is her fantasy world (I reach the "romance" portions... where the dude is fantasizing about "covering her lips with mine." I just grumble... like... come on, dude! COME ON! WHO talks like that? A prepubescent, sexually confused young man? Grumble), where these hot dudes are madly in love with this strong-willed, wild, smart young woman (who just so happens to fall into a HUGE inheritance... surprised again? Yeah, me too! ::sarcasm::) with witty comebacks (the "wit" is similar to the wit I had as a fourth grader... I wish I were kidding... ohhhhhhh, I'm making myself sad and disappointed in what a hating-ass bitch I'm being... but I'm frustrated!).
I'm reading and thinking "THIS COULD HAVE BEEN YOU! IN REAL LIFE! WHY DID YOU SETTLE?!" Because in real life, this friend of mine WAS stunning... tall with a bangin' body... and she was adventurous, and sporty, and liked cars, she KNEW cars... she was a badass... and then, suddenly, she just... gave up, as a teen... and married this divorced guy... and fell into the housewife routine. WHY?

So I'm reading this story, and all I find myself wondering is WHY SHE gave up her potential... and why she didn't just make a story about THAT.
WHY did you settle for the guy with kids and gave up on you carefree spirit? WHY? You once called me, ready and willing to abandon this family, but only if I helped you... I told you to give me a couple of weeks to think about it, then suddenly I didn't hear back from you... WHAT HAPPENED? Write about THAT. THAT is more interesting than this Twilight rehash. Come on now, Holmes!

Ah... ok, enough of a break. I have to finish editing.
(Pulls trigger)

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