fuck jitters

Evidently bad shit likes to happen prior to me going on a trip.
... the fuck?

Not to make light of today's tragedy (I did spend a vast majority of the day getting quite upset/angry about it), I'm opting to just change the subject.

I'm nervous and sick.
It's not cool. I had to sit down for an hour because I swore I was going to puke all over the place if I stood any longer.

My flight leaves tomorrow afternoon... from here to LA to Miami to San Juan.
I shouldn't be irritated or nervous, but I fucking am. I feel so ridiculously sick.
I feel like shit.
I'm angry with myself... is that normal?
I think I need to have a girl moment, cry out loud... then just get the fuck over it.
I... I'm... I don't know what to say.
I'm HELLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAA self-loathing right now like you have no idea.

(I finished editing the story last night. I shouldn't even consider it editing, since I fucking quit a fourth of the way in. By the end, my mind had been thoroughly raped... this might be another reason I'm hating myself right now. I need to cry and scream. Bye)