As is usual, I intended to update sooner. I keep going back and forth.
My laptop has also been on the fritz after downloading a file from a friend that I can swear slowed my shit down. But whatever.
My brain has been a jumbled mess these last few weeks.
There has been some crazy shit going on in the household, primarily, my dad's bizarre behavior.
My frustration and confusion finally boiled over yesterday, when I confronted him in his room, and started to cry.
Me: YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! DO YOU HATE US?
My dad had been super quiet since his return from Cuba. Super shady.
Things exploded a few days ago when he accused my mother and me of being "satanists" because we're Catholic.
I don't know... it's like... I was scared... I didn't know what was wrong and especially didn't know how to FIX it. It has been the most terrified I've ever been.
My whole life I've dealt with Mom and Dad fighting over religion... but never ever had Dad dared to offend us in that fashion... it was terrifying. TERRIFYING. If you're willing to call your own blood a "satanist"... what's the next step? Abandoning us? Trying to perform some sort of... exorcism? Had my dad finally jumped off the deep end? WHAT THE FUCK did they do to him in Cuba? WHAT THE FUCK?!
I also bumped into some alarming e-mails by accident. Since I do all of my dad's permit work (considering he works with diesel and has the gas station... and a couple of concrete companies, and now the houses my folks own, I have to keep up to date with all sort of permits, since it's basically internet shit and my parents are pretty much living in a Stone Age mentality), I have to check out his e-mail to see the replies I get from the different state departments. This time, I was keeping up with a Hazmat permit, which requires about three different replies, so I decided to check his e-mail.
I saw e-mails from ONE lady... with the subject line being... well, shady... so I couldn't help myself and I read them.
Since the e-mails originate from Cuba, she can send them, but Dad can't reply.... and... well... I felt like a mule kicked me when I read her overly-friendly e-mails.
I didn't tell my mom, I just kept it to myself.
Finally, yesterday, when I tried convincing him to come to the living room to skype with our Costa Rica friends and he turned me down, I couldn't help myself and I finally broke down.
And he finally spoke up.
After nearly four hours of listening to him talk, I made progress. He couldn't talk to Mom about it, since Mom is stubborn and won't listen to religious talk which she finds offensive to the Catholic church. I, on the other hand, have learned to be extremely tolerant of ANYONE'S views on religion (positive and negative), whether they clash with mine or not. I'll listen. I don't have to agree, but I definitely try to understand.
So... I made sure to make Dad feel-- to KNOW-- his opinions, feelings, and thoughts are important--VALID-- to me, regardless of how much I may disagree with them.
And I think we're good. I think he released whatever was weighing him down.
Heavy shit, guys.
My laptop has also been on the fritz after downloading a file from a friend that I can swear slowed my shit down. But whatever.
My brain has been a jumbled mess these last few weeks.
There has been some crazy shit going on in the household, primarily, my dad's bizarre behavior.
My frustration and confusion finally boiled over yesterday, when I confronted him in his room, and started to cry.
Me: YOU'RE NOT MY DAD! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?! DO YOU HATE US?
My dad had been super quiet since his return from Cuba. Super shady.
Things exploded a few days ago when he accused my mother and me of being "satanists" because we're Catholic.
I don't know... it's like... I was scared... I didn't know what was wrong and especially didn't know how to FIX it. It has been the most terrified I've ever been.
My whole life I've dealt with Mom and Dad fighting over religion... but never ever had Dad dared to offend us in that fashion... it was terrifying. TERRIFYING. If you're willing to call your own blood a "satanist"... what's the next step? Abandoning us? Trying to perform some sort of... exorcism? Had my dad finally jumped off the deep end? WHAT THE FUCK did they do to him in Cuba? WHAT THE FUCK?!
I also bumped into some alarming e-mails by accident. Since I do all of my dad's permit work (considering he works with diesel and has the gas station... and a couple of concrete companies, and now the houses my folks own, I have to keep up to date with all sort of permits, since it's basically internet shit and my parents are pretty much living in a Stone Age mentality), I have to check out his e-mail to see the replies I get from the different state departments. This time, I was keeping up with a Hazmat permit, which requires about three different replies, so I decided to check his e-mail.
I saw e-mails from ONE lady... with the subject line being... well, shady... so I couldn't help myself and I read them.
Since the e-mails originate from Cuba, she can send them, but Dad can't reply.... and... well... I felt like a mule kicked me when I read her overly-friendly e-mails.
I didn't tell my mom, I just kept it to myself.
Finally, yesterday, when I tried convincing him to come to the living room to skype with our Costa Rica friends and he turned me down, I couldn't help myself and I finally broke down.
And he finally spoke up.
After nearly four hours of listening to him talk, I made progress. He couldn't talk to Mom about it, since Mom is stubborn and won't listen to religious talk which she finds offensive to the Catholic church. I, on the other hand, have learned to be extremely tolerant of ANYONE'S views on religion (positive and negative), whether they clash with mine or not. I'll listen. I don't have to agree, but I definitely try to understand.
So... I made sure to make Dad feel-- to KNOW-- his opinions, feelings, and thoughts are important--VALID-- to me, regardless of how much I may disagree with them.
And I think we're good. I think he released whatever was weighing him down.
Heavy shit, guys.
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