Alrighty. I have time to upload photos and crack the fuck up.
I am, however, going to refrain from posting as many as I had originally thought... because they are SO FUCKING bad.
Here we go.
Let's take it back to good ol' '05. The summer of '05. The summer where there was a wedding on my dad's side of the family, and everyone was part of the bridal party, everyone but me. I wasn't asked because I'd kill the vibe, because I "wasn't pretty enough. Only hot girls allowed as bridesmaids."
Everyone was told I had turned down the offer to be in it because I'm so shy and whatnot... though the GROOM personally told me that about "only hot girls allowed in my wedding." Instead of objecting and telling everyone the true story, I stuck to only telling my mom and sister. To this day, my dad and my brother both think I'm a crazy, antisocial idiot.
Anyway, the photos:
That right there is the family-- my siblings and my cousins. The circle.
The look they're tossing me breaks my heart, still... actually, the entire photo does... even the angle, and especially the distance at which I took it.
Me? Ostracized? Says who?
It was impossible not to feel like the biggest fucking loser on the face o the universe this day.
Now, was my cousin (the groom) correct in leaving me out of the party? Well... as embarrassing as this may be, I'll let you be the judge. This is what I looked like that summer:
My stomach hurts looking at this. I feel... as though I'm... I don't know what to say. It's hard to look at this for more than a second. It hurts. It breaks my heart.
To tell you the truth, I don't know how they managed to convince me to get in the photo.
By the way, that kid in the suit is my rockstar godson... this was around the time they'd call him derogatory terms due to his lanky figure...
My, how the world turns.
This was also the summer after meeting Darcy. This was the summer following my two semesters of creative writing.
So... seeing the '05 photos was this horrifying moment where the lightbulb went off. That... eureka moment. The epiphany.
There is NO WAY in fucking hell he could have ever liked me. No way. In fucking. Hell.
Jesus. I feel so embarrassed to think... like... dude... I was a fucking truck. He was this super slender guy-- some might venture to call LANKY, but I avoid it, especially after Godson showed me how hurtful that adjective can be-- and I was this fucking truck totally after his bones. Sweet baby jesus... the embarrassment nearly makes me vomit.
He never LIKED me... NOT like THAT. I just... fixated and felt this absolutely one-sided attraction to the guy.
He didn't see you like an attractive girl... he saw you like A FRIEND, you fucking moron. He probably pitied your fat ass, you deluded dumbshit!
I can't fucking complain about this enough... it's horrible. I'm remarkably irritated with myself... for being such a stubborn, blind, annoying idiot.
Poor guy. Poor, poor Darcy.
I do find solace in knowing I never spilled my fucking idiotic heart out to the guy... poor guy... just imagine the awkwardness if I HAD... no manches.
And STILL, he was so incredibly cool to me... it's shit like that which makes me fiercely loyal to someone. Knowing someone who could have totally kicked my fat ass to the curb-- like my good ol' family-- instead put up with my obnoxious fawning (though, can it be considered that if my admiration was sincere?) and was kind to me... it melts me... and makes it a breeze for me to have their back for as long as they want me around.
So, as far as Darcy goes-- dude can totally forget I exist... he can avoid me like the plague, but for as long as I'll have use of memory, I'll have nothing but nice things to say about him... and gratitude towards him. I like him as a person even more now... is that weird?
This doesn't just pertain to Darcy, but like I said before, I mean it for all my friends I acquired through those rough years... Darcy just gets a special mention because I had/have this massive, eternal little flame in my heart for him, and instead of him being a cunt to me (like I have been on numerous occasions with guys who have, for some psychotic reason, owned up to crushing on me), he just lets me be. That's a good dude-- take it from me, a girl who has been humiliated every turn she takes.
The subject of Darcy probably hijacked the post because tomorrow marks another anniversary of him being placed on this planet.
I'm tired, I'm fighting a cold, and I'm embarrassed... it wasn't too difficult for the subject of Darcy to pop into my head and all over my blog.
... my god... how I must have pestered him. EMBARRASSING.
Excuse me, now, I have to crawl into bed and try to burn these images out of my mind as I drift to la-la land.
Does this entry make sense? No idea... my guess is NO.
I am, however, going to refrain from posting as many as I had originally thought... because they are SO FUCKING bad.
Here we go.
Let's take it back to good ol' '05. The summer of '05. The summer where there was a wedding on my dad's side of the family, and everyone was part of the bridal party, everyone but me. I wasn't asked because I'd kill the vibe, because I "wasn't pretty enough. Only hot girls allowed as bridesmaids."
Everyone was told I had turned down the offer to be in it because I'm so shy and whatnot... though the GROOM personally told me that about "only hot girls allowed in my wedding." Instead of objecting and telling everyone the true story, I stuck to only telling my mom and sister. To this day, my dad and my brother both think I'm a crazy, antisocial idiot.
Anyway, the photos:
The look they're tossing me breaks my heart, still... actually, the entire photo does... even the angle, and especially the distance at which I took it.
Me? Ostracized? Says who?
It was impossible not to feel like the biggest fucking loser on the face o the universe this day.
Now, was my cousin (the groom) correct in leaving me out of the party? Well... as embarrassing as this may be, I'll let you be the judge. This is what I looked like that summer:
 |
| I'm the orange wastebasket in the middle. I was going to say "dumbass" but it looks like my brother has reserved that noun. |
To tell you the truth, I don't know how they managed to convince me to get in the photo.
By the way, that kid in the suit is my rockstar godson... this was around the time they'd call him derogatory terms due to his lanky figure...
My, how the world turns.
 |
| ... .... I don't even want to talk about this. I'm just going to take a seat over here and cry for a couple of minutes... |
So... seeing the '05 photos was this horrifying moment where the lightbulb went off. That... eureka moment. The epiphany.
There is NO WAY in fucking hell he could have ever liked me. No way. In fucking. Hell.
Jesus. I feel so embarrassed to think... like... dude... I was a fucking truck. He was this super slender guy-- some might venture to call LANKY, but I avoid it, especially after Godson showed me how hurtful that adjective can be-- and I was this fucking truck totally after his bones. Sweet baby jesus... the embarrassment nearly makes me vomit.
He never LIKED me... NOT like THAT. I just... fixated and felt this absolutely one-sided attraction to the guy.
He didn't see you like an attractive girl... he saw you like A FRIEND, you fucking moron. He probably pitied your fat ass, you deluded dumbshit!
I can't fucking complain about this enough... it's horrible. I'm remarkably irritated with myself... for being such a stubborn, blind, annoying idiot.
Poor guy. Poor, poor Darcy.
I do find solace in knowing I never spilled my fucking idiotic heart out to the guy... poor guy... just imagine the awkwardness if I HAD... no manches.
And STILL, he was so incredibly cool to me... it's shit like that which makes me fiercely loyal to someone. Knowing someone who could have totally kicked my fat ass to the curb-- like my good ol' family-- instead put up with my obnoxious fawning (though, can it be considered that if my admiration was sincere?) and was kind to me... it melts me... and makes it a breeze for me to have their back for as long as they want me around.
So, as far as Darcy goes-- dude can totally forget I exist... he can avoid me like the plague, but for as long as I'll have use of memory, I'll have nothing but nice things to say about him... and gratitude towards him. I like him as a person even more now... is that weird?
This doesn't just pertain to Darcy, but like I said before, I mean it for all my friends I acquired through those rough years... Darcy just gets a special mention because I had/have this massive, eternal little flame in my heart for him, and instead of him being a cunt to me (like I have been on numerous occasions with guys who have, for some psychotic reason, owned up to crushing on me), he just lets me be. That's a good dude-- take it from me, a girl who has been humiliated every turn she takes.
The subject of Darcy probably hijacked the post because tomorrow marks another anniversary of him being placed on this planet.
I'm tired, I'm fighting a cold, and I'm embarrassed... it wasn't too difficult for the subject of Darcy to pop into my head and all over my blog.
... my god... how I must have pestered him. EMBARRASSING.
Excuse me, now, I have to crawl into bed and try to burn these images out of my mind as I drift to la-la land.
Does this entry make sense? No idea... my guess is NO.
No comments:
Post a Comment