I learned something today:
The moment someone screams out my name, I STILL duck like a terrified puppy the moment they see the shadow of a rolled-up newspaper.
And my heart still flutters.
I was running errands, and in hopes of saving time, I stayed in my car and decided to wait for Mom as she handled business at work.
The childhood "love of my life" was working tonight, and each time we coincide, it turns into hours of awkward exchanges where I pretty much stand there and pray for a sinkhole to swallow me up whole.
I was in no mood to converse with him tonight, so I sat in my car and played a couple of games on my phone.
Half an hour into my chill time, I was hell of into my game when I heard a man SCREAM out my name.
I flinched... then I felt my heart race. I looked up, and saw him walking over to my window, with a huge smile on his face.
Him: Oh... I thought your window was down.
I opened my car door and reach out to his stretched hand.
Me: Oh, it's ok! Don't worry about it! It's always nice to see you.
He looked so happy to see me... so very happy... like when we were kids... like the summer of '98... that wonderful summer...
We proceeded to small-talk... looking all goofy and smiling the entire time.
My heart fluttered for a few seconds, then sadness took over.
As a thirteen year old, did I ever in my wildest dreams think it was all going to work out this way? He was 18, on his way to college, and was the richest boy in town. I was 13, in middle school, flat-chested, about to enter puberty... living in a one-bedroom home... living amongst cockroaches...
Now he's married... balding... living in a foreign country illegally... working for my parents. I'm still single, out of college but rejected from grad school... depressed, often times on suicide-watch... alone...
At 13, I often thought of what life would be like if we'd get married once I'd finish high school. I swore we'd be happy... I swore it'd be my mission, to keep him happy. He made ME happy... he made my heart flutter, he made me swoon...
Then I grew up... and realized everything was bullshit. Everything is so fragile... and everything I ever dreamed was stupid.
That door will always be there. That glass window will always divide. We'll just smile and wave excitedly at each other... slight timidity visible. Regret on his face, quiet resignation to solitude in mine.
... the way he screamed my name.. no guy has ever sounded so happy to see me.
The moment someone screams out my name, I STILL duck like a terrified puppy the moment they see the shadow of a rolled-up newspaper.
And my heart still flutters.
I was running errands, and in hopes of saving time, I stayed in my car and decided to wait for Mom as she handled business at work.
The childhood "love of my life" was working tonight, and each time we coincide, it turns into hours of awkward exchanges where I pretty much stand there and pray for a sinkhole to swallow me up whole.
I was in no mood to converse with him tonight, so I sat in my car and played a couple of games on my phone.
Half an hour into my chill time, I was hell of into my game when I heard a man SCREAM out my name.
I flinched... then I felt my heart race. I looked up, and saw him walking over to my window, with a huge smile on his face.
Him: Oh... I thought your window was down.
I opened my car door and reach out to his stretched hand.
Me: Oh, it's ok! Don't worry about it! It's always nice to see you.
He looked so happy to see me... so very happy... like when we were kids... like the summer of '98... that wonderful summer...
We proceeded to small-talk... looking all goofy and smiling the entire time.
My heart fluttered for a few seconds, then sadness took over.
As a thirteen year old, did I ever in my wildest dreams think it was all going to work out this way? He was 18, on his way to college, and was the richest boy in town. I was 13, in middle school, flat-chested, about to enter puberty... living in a one-bedroom home... living amongst cockroaches...
Now he's married... balding... living in a foreign country illegally... working for my parents. I'm still single, out of college but rejected from grad school... depressed, often times on suicide-watch... alone...
At 13, I often thought of what life would be like if we'd get married once I'd finish high school. I swore we'd be happy... I swore it'd be my mission, to keep him happy. He made ME happy... he made my heart flutter, he made me swoon...
Then I grew up... and realized everything was bullshit. Everything is so fragile... and everything I ever dreamed was stupid.
That door will always be there. That glass window will always divide. We'll just smile and wave excitedly at each other... slight timidity visible. Regret on his face, quiet resignation to solitude in mine.
... the way he screamed my name.. no guy has ever sounded so happy to see me.
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