Sunday, December 2, 2012

Friend evolution

During the month of December, it's inevitable to start recapitulating everything that went down in the year that is now coming to an end.

I have been looking back on this year since the start of November, and... and shit definitely changed. Things happened.
Was 2012 a good year? Not sure. Was 2012 a bad year? I don't know.
2012 was just different. It was my year of change... the start of it, at least.
I should have expected this would be 2012's theme-- Change-- considering the strange way it began.

After YEARS of wishing to grow some balls to hangout with a dude I came to refer to as my "Darcy," I finally just said "Fuck this. I'll go ahead and do it. Family parties be damned."
It was... awkward, but definitely something I don't regret and something I'd do again.
Here, I met some of his friends... who, with the passage of the year, I came to grow pretty damn endeared.
Come summer time, I have the opportunity to chill with him some more, and again, I meet some more of his friends, with whom I find I have much in common. They become some of my favorite people.

Then comes my favorite person, my best friend Kelley. She becomes engaged this year, and it finally strikes me-- dude, you're the last one. Your trio of friendship is now going to enter a new phase. Your best friends are going to be married, they're going to have legitimate, bonafide best friends, and you're... well, you're the proverbial grasshopper who fucked around all summer and didn't fix shit for the winter. Sola, homegirl.
Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic for my friend. I think it's one of the best bits of news I heard all year.
This is just a change I'll have to adjust to accordingly.

Another change in a similar fashion was my sister's abrupt departure to Chicago.
I don't know how to explain this one. I miss her, and I don't. I'm happy for her, but I'm also mad as fuck.
She has moved on, I have not.

Another abrupt departure this year was Tyson. He departed this world.
After 11.5 years of seeing him, touching him, hearing him, feeding him, smelling him, loving him... he's gone. Gone. The single creature who helped me through those terribly, painfully, depressing, suicidal years of my life-- gone.
I now have to readjust to once again being dog-less AnoMALIE... except now I know what's it's like to have an unconditional best friend... whose lifeless body I eventually find one morning.
I think about him every day. I miss him every day.

Then comes October's lovely surprise. My godson. He loses his big modeling competition... and now, he's a completely different person. He's... brainwashed.... he... didn't finish college-- one fucking month short of completion!-- he's living in Cancun and none of his family speaks to him and he's talking all sorts of crazy shit and I don't know what to do. I just wake up every morning, horrified with the new fucking propaganda they've instilled in his brain... and I feel completely frustrated and useless because I can't do anything. Absolutely anything.
This kid, this person who knew me so well, inside and out... is now a complete and total stranger to me.

... I've just realized that 2012 was... the year I continuously lost my best friend.
Damn.

2 comments:

Mooney said...

Everyone has changed, it seems. Except for me...I feel I'm still fat, naive, lame-ass Mooney.

I had no idea he was in Cancun. WTF happened?!

AnoMALIE said...

no, no! You too have lost weight! It's a slow and steady pace, but with patience, you'll get there (last night I was looking through my tagged photos, and then looked through the 2011 NYE album... here I thought I was a fucking twig, but those photos begged to differ!)
As for being naive, I prefer that over being jaded, as painful as it might be :/

And the Cancun thing... it's such a confusing mess... I just feel this horrible pain in my gut when I think about it. Something is DEFINITELY wrong... but the boy keeps evading EVERYONE (even his brother. That just immediately sets off red flags in my opinion). I just don't know what to do and it breaks my heart.