Thursday, January 3, 2013

Resolutions v.2013

Damn it! I was going to update yesterday, to finally have a year where my number of updates equals out to the number of days in the year (fail for 2012. Missed 366 entries by a little under 100... 97? Something like that. That's a little over three months... didn't feel like I did that, but the numbers don't lie).
I was supposed to post resolutions... but I guess I was bogged down by the constant pondering.
Truthfully, I don't know what I want.
Sure, I want to remain healthy... keep up the workout routine... but that doesn't change so I don't feel like talking about it.

As far as resolutions revolving around social interactions go: I don't have any. Well... maybe I'll resolve to repair some of the friendships that have deteriorated over the last few years due to my depression... and low-carb rage.
You'd be surprised how many people get offended by the shit I tweet, which often-- usually-- is not directed at them BY ANY MEANS. I guess I'm just offensive by nature. Or maybe people expect me to be a pleasant little saint... a doormat, and when I open my mouth to express an opinion, which often contradicts their own, I get kicked out of their club of hypocrites. I'm sweet and considerate, but if I feel you're getting too outrageously irrational, I'll call you out on your bullshit... that, or if I feel your ego is getting too big and you're crushing too many hearts-- I'll take pleasure in taking an ax to that inflated self-image of yours. Maybe that's what pisses people off? They think my quiet, passive nature means I'm dominated and a just one of their cronies? Sadly, the people who treat me like this are usually family... so I can't just walk away. Instead, I have to continue going to parties and get togethers where we coincide... and shit is just awkwardly quiet where we have to greet each other courteously before both our parents make shit even more awkward. Don't nobody need an intervention during Posada Night #9.
SO! Ok, I'll work on fixing this issue. I won't bite my tongue when one of my cousins is being a shithead... but I also won't harbor so much fucking resentment towards HIM or her (female cousins hardly piss me off, now that I think about it... except for the older ones... those ladies... yeah, never mind, THEY are the ones who piss me off most... with their archaic beliefs snooping around MY business). We. Will. Be. Friends.
Good lord, help us all.

As far as my heart, my "love life," "romance," is concerned: it's dead. Non-existent. Done. Gone. A non-issue.
Now, more than ever, I'm sure this was never meant for me. Ever. Spending any time on this is a waste. Ain't nobody got time for that.
It brings unnecessary pain and worry... and really just turns my brain to shit.
Just like some people don't like the taste of protein powder, I fucking love it. Just like some people would kill for Hawaii-imported pineapples, I'd mule-kick anyone who'd offer me that shit.
Some people are meant to love and have a family and blah blah blah... but a few are meant to just roam the Earth alone-- I am one of the latter. It'd be foolish of me to think otherwise.
Love. Doesn't. Exist. (For me)
Companionship. Doesn't. Exist. (For me)
And that's that.

My "career"? (question mark goes inside or outside of the quotation marks here?) Haaaaa! Give me a minute, I need to scoff real quick.
Ok, so... I shouldn't scoff just yet. I do have plans... I actually HAVE set plans into action here. This is what happens when I convince myself not to fuck around with "love" or any of that nonsense.
My method of getting off the floor and dusting myself off is by putting shit into action. I fall from the imaginary, romanticized world I live in... the fall each time harder than the last, I face-plant for a couple of days... months... sometimes years... but the moment I decide to stand up and take the dirt off my shoulder, I go HARD.
Sure, I lose more of the sweet, soft AnoMALIE... but it's the price I pay for ever putting down my guard.

So... for 2013, I resolve:
1. To be nicer, more forgiving.
2. No "love" or any of that dreamy bullshit.
3. Action! Drawing, writing, the whole bohemian shebang!
and of course...
4. Travel like a motherfucker!

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