A little louder next time!

The five minutes leading up to the time I leave my house to the gym have to be the worst.

That's when the devil on my shoulder starts saying
"No... don't go. Look! America's Next Top Model is about to get AWESOME!"
or
"Hey, Little Sister wanted to go out for that one bacon melt at... was it Wendy's? Why don't you go... she says it's good."

Most often, I don't listen (I'll only listen if my body says "one more sudden move and this knee goes buh-bye!") and force myself out of the house.

Once at the gym... I'm actually a happy camper.
The things I overhear sometimes are just so damn good, no Survivor: China episode would make up for it.

Here's a small list of my favorite things overheard at the gym:

1) But my vagina isn't as flexible as... (I was yawning at the time, but that woke me up PDQ)
2) So I told him "Boy, I am NOT going to be doing this shit with you. You go and be a little slut. Just come back to me when you want to get married and have babies!"
"So did he come back?"
"No... he's still being a little slut. I don't care. I just want to get married and have babies"
(I wish I could imitate the accent this guy was talking in... but I'm very bad at imitating the "Gay Latino" accent)
3) They only had 'shrooms at the party... so I left.
4) Coolest Instructor EVER: Look, class! Tom got his very first tattoo!!
(late 40's-early 50's, pale white guy flexes his left bicep to the class. A new, kind of greenish arm-band tattoo decorates his sort of flabby bicep)
Early-30's Girl Beside Me: What a pussy.
5) (woman on her phone, setting up right next to me and talking loudly)
Did you check the pantry?
(pause)
What do you mean, "Why the pantry?"! That's where she was last time!

And my all-time favorite comment:

That ghetto hood-rat bitch stole my water!!!

I know! I too am shocked it didn't come out of my own mouth! It was actually this very funny gay guy who could have so taken on the girl who stole his water bottle. Instead, he stood there in front of maybe 15 of us and screamed while pointing at the leper who was giggling out of the gym with his water bottle.

You're a muscular male Body Pumper, and you're telling me you can't take on an out-of-shape female Street Jammer?! Why do you even show up?