Another one of my friends is getting married and my circle of Mexican friends/relatives is shrinking drastically.
Aren't I supposed to deal with this crap in my early thirties?
You know, that little melt-down every single-chick has when she realizes she's the only one not getting married and she goes through that whole "Goodness, gracious, I'm going to die alone!!" phase.
Who has premature single-girl-meltdowns?
A Mexican!! Only a freaking Mexican!
Woe is my freakin' Mexican-ass.
I got an extra dose of "Goodness, gracious, I'm going to die alone!!" syndrome yesterday as I went to my cousin's baby shower (you know, the poor girl whose gift I wrapped all shitty with the free Babies R Us gift wrap a couple of days back. I just figured the damn 30 pound gift would make up for the crap job I did on the wrapping, and guess what, it did!).
Aside from a 23-year-old girl that was sitting with her married sister and mother (and who looked quite desperate, I might add. I saw her eyes glimmer with hope as I walked through the door late at 8:30 PM), I was the only other single 20-something year old there.
There were twenty-something year-old girls there, don't get me wrong, but they were all married or had babies.
I had a cell phone.
God bless Bubble Breaker.
Instead of sitting with the ladies to gossip about... changing diapers... or God knows what they were talking about, I sat in the kitchen with the pregnant cousin, her two sisters, and three older women.
Pregnant Cousin: God, I'm oooooooold!!
Me: How old are you?
Pregnant Cousin: Twenty-Six!!
Me: Oh my God... you're not old... man... you're not old!
Pregnant Cousin shook her head violently as if I were a horrible liar.
Me: Shoot... I don't see myself... I don't think I'll have kids... and if I do... by accident... it'll be after I'm 28. Trust me... you're not old.
The old Ladies present stared at me as if I had just said something blasphemous.
Old Lady 1: And what does your boyfriend think of that?
Me: What boyfriend?
Old Lady 2: You're always missing at parties... we assumed you had a boyfriend and would prefer to spend time with him than attend family gatherings.
Me: (internally) AHAHAHAHAH... ahahahaha... ahahahaha! (spoken, trying my hardest not to crack a smile) Oh, no... it's just... school. It keeps me busy. People seem to enjoy throwing parties on days I can't attend because of a huge exam or because I'm still on campus.
Old Lady 3: How old are you?
Me: 22.
Old ladies make this "Ayyy" sound... not good.
Old Lady 2: And you don't have a boyfriend?
Old Lady 1: And you spend all your time in school?
Me: Kinda...
Pregnant Cousin: Old Lady 1, AnoMALIE's the good, studious girl in the family...
Old Lady 3: And we all know how they end up. Pregnant Cousin, esta muchacha (this girl) is old.
I couldn't get up and leave... I'd have nowhere to go... so I sat quietly... sort of... munching loudly on possibly the worlds saltiest nachos.
I always wondered why they don't serve tequila at Mexican baby showers...
P.S. (you know how random I am) Did you know that only in America have there been people to get HURT during yoga? Guess what... I'm one of them (what the fuck, man... why do my shoulder blades hurt?! Fucking yoga).
3 comments:
Atleast they're getting married, right? And they aren't just filling the Mexican stereotype by getting pregnant first. Unlike so many of my er acquaintances.
Aw, poor spinner has testicular cancer. Makes me sad for that fictional character.
Take it from someone who went the other way. You do not want to get married until you're in your thirties. Plain and simple.
Yeah, I totally forgot to tell you when I saw you.
Contemp. Novel is lame, I have to read all these warfare and horror genre books. Definitely not my cup of tea.
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