This girl has not been doing so well.
I've been crying since yesterday. I went to the gym with my swollen eyes and coarse voice, always having to clear my throat in order to respond to any questions from my very kind gym buddies. This pathetic sight is becoming all too common, now that I think about it-- me kickboxing or lifting weights with pink, puffy eyelids, permanent frown plastered on my face... gym buddies trying to get me to giggle, only to have me sound like some... chick who has been wailing for days.
I've been downing cup after cup of chamomile tea, trying to calm down long enough to finally just fall asleep.
I tried reading, but the books are too exiting to entice me to sleep... and it's not like I'm willing to bust out a biochem book any time soon-- FUCK THAT SUBJECT... I want to sleep, not traumatize myself.
All I remember when I wake up from naps are nightmares.
I'm not having a good time.
The only thing that has gotten me to put down the kindle is when I find myself unable to stop my tears. Reading's pretty useless... and difficult to do when giant tears are continuously blurring your vision.
That feeling, the one where it seems as though I'm being held under water against my will, is stronger than ever. I can't shoo away the discomfort... or quiet the mean voice in my head.
You're NO ONE. NO ONE, my friend. If he gave a shit, HE would let you know. Now shut the fuck up, cut this nonsense out, and grow the fuck up.
My heart just wants to see him... be near him... hear him.
But my brain wants to keep me as far as possible... to not bother him... to not be that pathetic girl.
Don't be that pathetic girl... even if you ARE a pathetic girl... keep it in the privacy of your room.
It shouldn't be this difficult-- to accept my place in one person's life-- but this time, I can't keep from crying... my heart is getting ripped out of my chest.
I'm that chick who WISHES she were invisible, visible to only one other person... and he's perhaps the dude who is least interested in seeing me at all.
Battery acid... this chamomile tea feels like battery acid.
I've been crying since yesterday. I went to the gym with my swollen eyes and coarse voice, always having to clear my throat in order to respond to any questions from my very kind gym buddies. This pathetic sight is becoming all too common, now that I think about it-- me kickboxing or lifting weights with pink, puffy eyelids, permanent frown plastered on my face... gym buddies trying to get me to giggle, only to have me sound like some... chick who has been wailing for days.
I've been downing cup after cup of chamomile tea, trying to calm down long enough to finally just fall asleep.
I tried reading, but the books are too exiting to entice me to sleep... and it's not like I'm willing to bust out a biochem book any time soon-- FUCK THAT SUBJECT... I want to sleep, not traumatize myself.
All I remember when I wake up from naps are nightmares.
I'm not having a good time.
The only thing that has gotten me to put down the kindle is when I find myself unable to stop my tears. Reading's pretty useless... and difficult to do when giant tears are continuously blurring your vision.
That feeling, the one where it seems as though I'm being held under water against my will, is stronger than ever. I can't shoo away the discomfort... or quiet the mean voice in my head.
You're NO ONE. NO ONE, my friend. If he gave a shit, HE would let you know. Now shut the fuck up, cut this nonsense out, and grow the fuck up.
My heart just wants to see him... be near him... hear him.
But my brain wants to keep me as far as possible... to not bother him... to not be that pathetic girl.
Don't be that pathetic girl... even if you ARE a pathetic girl... keep it in the privacy of your room.
It shouldn't be this difficult-- to accept my place in one person's life-- but this time, I can't keep from crying... my heart is getting ripped out of my chest.
I'm that chick who WISHES she were invisible, visible to only one other person... and he's perhaps the dude who is least interested in seeing me at all.
Battery acid... this chamomile tea feels like battery acid.
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