Impossibly Perfect

Wow.

You know how I hate running my mouth about things because then things only grow worse?

Well, for most of the day, I was away from my computer, away from my email (fuck getting that shit on my phone. I refuse to read my email that way. That would just keep me glued to my phone). I checked my mailbox after I finished my rant here, and I saw an email from the bride.

The names of our partners and our seating chart.

I read my partners name, and did only what any other human would have done: I facebook checked that shit.

Bad idea.

He. Is. Gorgeous.

FUCKING BEAUTIFUL.

A graduate from Columbia... Law.

Did I mention he is fucking gorgeous? His profile photo is this... impossibly perfect candid image of him smiling (open mouth) while looking away.

... ?

Oh god...

This is right about the time where I'm HELLA wishing for that naco dude who only listens to corridos and whose sole aspiration in life is to own a cattle ranch somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I want THAT dude.

The fuck am I supposed to talk about to a beautiful creature who graduated form the university of my dreams?

I am a grouchy med school drop out... who only wants to spend her life writing, painting, and lifting heavy objects... occasionally punching bitches in the face. I curse up a storm... I'm timid to the point where it should be-- and probably is-- considered some sort of disorder... I am bitter and sarcastic and distant. I'm in a life-long battle with depression, struggle I am pretty sure I'm LOSING-- hard. I don't fuck. I don't hook up. When I drink, I tend to cry... or pour my very idiotic heart out... or just fucking fall asleep in hopes of keeping my mouth shut and eyes dry. I don't work. Never have... well, there have been little stints, but they've all ended in a very embarrassing fashion.

I am a mouse who never speaks, only smiles... and spends social interactions praying the night away that NO ONE will notice her and allow her to leave inconspicuously. 

I think this is the time I'm going to go to bed and cry myself to sleep.

Ya vali verga... fuck.