Stencils

Ok, so I finally caved to the pressure.

What pressure, you ask?
The eyebrow pressure.

Yes. The eyebrow debate has been in full swing since... all that time ago that I mentioned it in here.

I never knew they were such a damn big deal.
I kept getting it from Mom and Little Sister.
"Damn, AnoMALIE! Your eyebrows are like they were back in sixth grade! No lie!"

Little Sister got hers threaded a couple of days ago... and she kept mentioning it... and how cheap it was.
After about three days of the same shit, I finally said "Fuck it, let's do it. But I swear, if they shrink my eyebrows I'm killing somebody."

So we went today.

I had places to be, places to see starting at 7 PM.
Thinking we'd be home on time, we arrived at the eyebrow place at exactly 4 PM (Little Sister said they took about 5 minutes to do).

I signed up for "Eyebrows only" with "no one in particular," and waited my turn.
I must have missed something on the outside of the door... because the place looked like a damn daycare center... with all these brats running around and only one tiny, well-behaved little boy trying to wrangle them all up.

So I sit and wait in the main room. As if the screaming, ill-behaved spawns of Satan weren't enough to piss me off, there where some bitches that kept staring at me. They'd stare at my phone and then start speaking Spanish as if I wouldn't understand their shit talking (Pendejas. And here I thought I had "El Nopal en la frente" aka I looked hardcore Mexican).

Keep hating, bitches, just because you'd have to prostitute yourselves for three years to get my phone doesn't mean you have to hate on a chick who doesn't resort to that shit. Get the fuck out of my face before I rip your damn bus passes, Hood Rats.

I sat there and listened to the girls talk about phones for ten minutes, because at 4:10 the guy who signed me in called me into a smaller room where two other girls were sitting, waiting their turn.

Sit here.
Wait a minute... I've heard about what really happens in this type of situation...

The man left in a hurry and left us girls directly in front of a 24-inch plasma-screen T.V.

Ok... at least I'll be entertained and away from the brats.

Just as that thought crossed my mind... they started playing a video.
What video?
Stewart Little 3: Call of the Wild.

I should have fucking known.

There was no sound... just subtitles.
Before I knew it, I was reading along... kind of... liking the movie... and getting pissed whenever anyone got in front of me.

I'm watching Stewart Fucking Little... get the hell out of the way, beast!

I took a couple of (kick)balls to the back of the head as I watched the movie.
Who was throwing the balls? The spawns, of course... trying to find an excuse to run into my room to watch Stewart Little.
Their dumb ass mothers where nowhere to be found to control the little boars... or read the subtitles for them... so the kids would immediately get annoyed and leave with their havoc-wreaking balls.

After a while... I noticed the number of kids was dwindling... the movie was getting intense... and us three girls were still waiting our turn.

What the hell? What time is it?

I looked at my watch and saw it was 5 PM.

Dilemma! I won't make it home on time to get ready if I stay longer... but I really want to watch the end of the movie! What do I do?!

I looked over at Little Sister, who was mouthing off words to me that I couldn't understand.
I knew she was getting anxious, because she leaves for work at 6 PM and we were probably 45 minutes away from home.

FINALLY, the lady who was going to work on our eyebrows showed up... gave some lame-ass excuse for being gone for an hour, and went to work on the first girl.

As Irresponsible Eyebrow Artist finished up on the first girl, Stewart Little 3 came to an end... one that I really couldn't understand because the end of the DVD was all scratched and the scenes would black out and freeze.

Way to kill the movie about a hiking rat with human parents and a Rastafarian skunk friend.

Irresponsible Eyebrow Artist was quick. At 5:05 it was the second girl's turn.

However, this girl was a horrible, horrible bitch.
She was very cranky... bossy... and pleasing her was impossible.
She barked orders at poor IEA until 5:40.
The bitch got her entire face threaded!

Look, Cousin It, IEA can't work miracles... and if I would have known you were going to get a brand new face, I would have asked nicely to go first and get my shit done in two minutes... then I would have given you my seat, probably even paid for your damn eyebrow job (fuck paying EVERYTHING you got worked on...).

I was out by 5:45, and we drove home as fast as possible.

Little Sister ended up being late for work, I ended up being late for my appointments, and I rushed through everything (much to my cousin's disappointment because I rushed through his 21st birthday party like "Yo, gotta go! No time! No time!" Poor boy. I'm such a bitch).
Now my eyebrows itch.

I think they look like eyebrows you see on hardcore metrosexual men. I don't like the... super straight lines. They look so unnatural to me... like I have stenciled-in eyebrows... I feel like a mannequin!

So there you have it... the new and improved AnoMALIE with her stenciled eyebrows that itch/burn like a UTI (not speaking from experience)... and make her look like a metro-man.

And to kill it, my family's still not happy!

*They should have given you more curvature here.
*They threaded your eyebrows? What is that? Like, painting them?
*You mean you paid someone to leave your eyebrows looking the same way they looked when you walked in?

I'm damn near close to just taking a razor to my brows and ending this whole drama.