I couldn't sleep last night.
I was so disturbed, I woke up at five in the morning realizing my ankles were irritated due to falling asleep with my shoes still on.
I've always been so fucking hard on drunk drivers. Incredibly judgmental and unwavering in my hatred towards them.
You do the crime, you do the motherfucking time. You didn't mean to do it? Too bad, too fucking sad! NO EXCEPTIONS! FUCK YOU, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE FUCK!
That sort of deal. Always.
But last night... was a serious uppercut to my jaw... from... fucking Megatron.
She just ruined her life... oh my god... she just ruined her fucking life.
My heart is heavy for the friends and family of the kid killed. He was a good kid. A young dude... a 24 year old.
How do you ever... make up for taking his life? You can't.
To carry the burden of knowing your irresponsibility... your lack of good judgment... took this guy form his friends and family would be too much to handle. I'd fucking hate myself. Every morning. Every afternoon. Every evening. Every night. Forever.
My head spins because this girl is SO responsible. SO. FUCKING. RESPONSIBLE.
She had to learn to be responsible at such a young age... elementary school. She'd see her drunk dad beating the living shit out of her mother in front of all her siblings, and she'd step in and often take the beating... up until she gained the physical strength to fight her own dad once she entered high school.
She NEVER allows anyone to leave a party drunk, or even buzzed. Ever. She's so vigilant about it. I've seen it first hand, I mean... I see her at about 70 percent of the parties I attend. She has taken care of me.
She was supposed to be at my aunt's birthday breakfast last week, but was too busy helping her sister prepare for her Superbowl party. She did call my aunt to wish her a happy birthday while I was there, though. I just remember thinking what kind of fucking Superbowl-related fun they were sure to enjoy later in the day... because this girl is such a wonderful riot to be around.
I'm just so shocked. This is all so crazy. And I feel so horrible.
I read the on-line articles... with the accompanying (hateful, often racist) comments... and I can't fucking believe it. I repeatedly force myself to read her name and age... hoping to wrap my brain around it.
It's you. It'syouit'syouit'syou! You're the Wrong Way Driver...
She was put under arrest while at the hospital.
It breaks my heart... because I put myself in her place, and I just know I'd spend my entire time crying. They'd have to keep me sedated for my entire hospital stay... because I'd just go fucking crazy each time I'd wake up to see the cops at my door... the constant reminder that I fucked up and KILLED an innocent person. That I was so fucking stupid and selfish... that I killed a fucking kid.
She's a wonderful girl. A selfless girl. A kind girl. A good, brave daughter, an awesome sister, a remarkable aunt, a hilarious cousin, a wonderful friend and--while her grandparents were still alive-- a compassionate granddaughter.
How could you... have ruined your life like that? SO MANY lives like that? That's so not like you.
My heart is broken. My mind is frazzled.
You were driving drunk! You got behind the wheel while drunk! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!
I just think of her crying and feeling so much guilt. God, the unbearable guilt.
The judgement... the hate she will undoubtedly... quite justifiably face.
The friends she will lose. The job she has lost. The notoriety... the reputation... the new "title" she has gained.
The statistic she became.
I just want to hug her.
I don't want the deed to go unpunished. Shit like this should never go unpunished...
but I just want to fucking hug her and cry with her.
How could you fucking do this, man?! How could they fucking let you do this?!
What a terrible lesson I've just learned in the art of compassion.
Fuck, man. Fuck!
I was so disturbed, I woke up at five in the morning realizing my ankles were irritated due to falling asleep with my shoes still on.
I've always been so fucking hard on drunk drivers. Incredibly judgmental and unwavering in my hatred towards them.
You do the crime, you do the motherfucking time. You didn't mean to do it? Too bad, too fucking sad! NO EXCEPTIONS! FUCK YOU, YOU IRRESPONSIBLE FUCK!
That sort of deal. Always.
But last night... was a serious uppercut to my jaw... from... fucking Megatron.
She just ruined her life... oh my god... she just ruined her fucking life.
My heart is heavy for the friends and family of the kid killed. He was a good kid. A young dude... a 24 year old.
How do you ever... make up for taking his life? You can't.
To carry the burden of knowing your irresponsibility... your lack of good judgment... took this guy form his friends and family would be too much to handle. I'd fucking hate myself. Every morning. Every afternoon. Every evening. Every night. Forever.
My head spins because this girl is SO responsible. SO. FUCKING. RESPONSIBLE.
She had to learn to be responsible at such a young age... elementary school. She'd see her drunk dad beating the living shit out of her mother in front of all her siblings, and she'd step in and often take the beating... up until she gained the physical strength to fight her own dad once she entered high school.
She NEVER allows anyone to leave a party drunk, or even buzzed. Ever. She's so vigilant about it. I've seen it first hand, I mean... I see her at about 70 percent of the parties I attend. She has taken care of me.
She was supposed to be at my aunt's birthday breakfast last week, but was too busy helping her sister prepare for her Superbowl party. She did call my aunt to wish her a happy birthday while I was there, though. I just remember thinking what kind of fucking Superbowl-related fun they were sure to enjoy later in the day... because this girl is such a wonderful riot to be around.
I'm just so shocked. This is all so crazy. And I feel so horrible.
I read the on-line articles... with the accompanying (hateful, often racist) comments... and I can't fucking believe it. I repeatedly force myself to read her name and age... hoping to wrap my brain around it.
It's you. It'syouit'syouit'syou! You're the Wrong Way Driver...
She was put under arrest while at the hospital.
It breaks my heart... because I put myself in her place, and I just know I'd spend my entire time crying. They'd have to keep me sedated for my entire hospital stay... because I'd just go fucking crazy each time I'd wake up to see the cops at my door... the constant reminder that I fucked up and KILLED an innocent person. That I was so fucking stupid and selfish... that I killed a fucking kid.
She's a wonderful girl. A selfless girl. A kind girl. A good, brave daughter, an awesome sister, a remarkable aunt, a hilarious cousin, a wonderful friend and--while her grandparents were still alive-- a compassionate granddaughter.
How could you... have ruined your life like that? SO MANY lives like that? That's so not like you.
My heart is broken. My mind is frazzled.
You were driving drunk! You got behind the wheel while drunk! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?!
I just think of her crying and feeling so much guilt. God, the unbearable guilt.
The judgement... the hate she will undoubtedly... quite justifiably face.
The friends she will lose. The job she has lost. The notoriety... the reputation... the new "title" she has gained.
The statistic she became.
I just want to hug her.
I don't want the deed to go unpunished. Shit like this should never go unpunished...
but I just want to fucking hug her and cry with her.
How could you fucking do this, man?! How could they fucking let you do this?!
What a terrible lesson I've just learned in the art of compassion.
Fuck, man. Fuck!
1 comment:
This is so, so sad. I knew a girl whose brother was involved in a home invasion when the home owner came home, and this kid ended up killing him with one of his own kitchen knives. It was hard to watch how that act ruined his sisters' and his mom's lives. You know that justice has to be met, but that doesn't change the fact that your heart goes out to them. Life never seems to be black and white, does it? I'm sorry for your grief and pain.
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