But... how am I going to break it to the fellas?!

Well, the inevitable has finally occurred: cleavage has been banned in my house.

Yep. I was wondering what hell was taking so long.

I always knew Daddy was one of those fundamentalist Christians (I mean, some lady in his congregation did damn me, Little Sister, Older Brother, and Mom to hell because we were Catholic--as if we were Satanists or some shit-- but I think I've already told that story. I was like five or six when that happened?).
He does a lot of wacky things... like tell us not to drink (and I suppose I don't, partially because of that. The other half just doesn't want me to drink 'cause alcoholism runs in both sides of the family. So picking up the habit wouldn't be too hard), or do drugs, or move in with our boyfriends (which he would prefer be from his church, but I said that was a no go, cause most people there are Puerto Rican or Dominican... nothing against them or anything... but they talk a lot, and really fast. I just can't catch up). Well, there's a ton of those "rules"... a fucking ton, but I tend to push them out of my head.
I ain't Pentecostal, so don't you tell me what to do!

Well... anyway, on with the story... yesterday cleavage was banned thanks to Little Sister.

She has a thing for Abercrombie shirts that are low-cut or have button-down fronts (which she undoes the first 3 buttons, because they, well, give her nice cleavage). I joke around saying she does it as a mode of competition with me (which she definitely loses), but I also tell her they look nice (cause they do, I must admit. She has a chest I'm jealous of cause she's not flat, but she's not huge either).
So yesterday she was wearing a white, Abercrombie button down... with the first three buttons undone. We were sitting at the dinner table, so we were all in some sort of pajamas... or laid-back clothes. She was probably the one that was done-up the most out of all of us (most definitely more than I was).

That's when it happened...
Dad went off on Little Sister... about how skanky her shirt was... and how "Real men don't have to look at that..." blah blah blah.
To which even I took offense.
What the fuck? Are you saying my best body part is only attractive to... fake men? WTF?!

Then Mom joins the argument.
Mom: You know, your daughters are probably the most conservative girls out of all the girls from *PlaceinMexicoWe'reFrom*?
Dad: How do you know that?
Mom: All you have to do is be in the same room and you notice!!
Dad: Still, we can't have them showing off cleavage like that! The girls at my church don't do that!
Mom: Girls of ALL denominations dress like that... if not worse... everyone shows cleavage!
Dad: Not the girls at my church!
Mom: This isn't church!! It's the dinner table!
(Little Sister's crying now)
Little Sister: It looks nice... ::sob:: I don't dress like this to be called a hoe ::sob:: You want me to wear a hoodie?!
Mom: Calm down...
Little Sister: I'll wear a fucking hoodie!!! ::crying like a baby::
Jesus Christ... we're turning Amish...

So then as Little Sister searched for her hoodie, I sat with Mom and Dad.

According to Dad... now that stores are selling such revealing clothes, it serves as more proof that the world is coming to an end (then again, the world's been coming to an end way before the day I was born).
No matter how much Mom tried to convince Dad that we were good girls... and that we actually didn't flash nearly as much skin as most girls, Dad was adamant about having us cover up:
No more boobie-showing shirts (he actually called my sister's chest that... which made both of us--Little Sister and me-- want to vomit)!!

Now, I wear Tee shirts more than anything... but now that cleavage-baring shirts have been banned, I feel tempted to walk out the house like that.
Peace out, Dad... I'ma go find me a fake man! Cause thas how I do!

I hate it when Dad gets a new pastor... weird shit like this happens more frequently.
At least he didn't attack the Internet this time.