The day that keeps getting weirder

Man, oh man... there are days that I just know will not be right from the get-go.

I had nightmares all last night. I'm guessing it's from all the physical exertion of the last couple of days.
I forced myself to wake up once this pleasant dream of taking in three stray kitties turned to the kitties stabbing me with their sharp kitty claws. Those kitties then transformed into evil Labrador puppies that were growling at me, ready to pounce.

Fuck that... nothing worse than having the most adorable creatures wanting to hurt me...
So I forced myself to get up.

I then decided I wanted breakfast.
As I was cooking, I spilled some milk all over the top of the stove. I turned the stove off, grabbed three paper towels, and went to work.
Well, in my hurry to get the stove clean, I had forgotten it was still hot, and I ended up burning the shit out of my fingers.
I also burned my tongue when I started eating, but that always happens. That's why I hate hot food.

Then, after the whole burning of the fingers/tongue, I decided to shower.
Well, right as I was ready to get in, I heard the doorbell.
It sounded like the person outside really was in a hurry to get in, so I though:
Fuckin' Little Sister! Can't she use her damn house key?
Thinking it was Little Sister and some sort of... emergency (she has a thing for losing/breaking keys) I wrapped a towel and headed for the door.
But who was at the door for real?
Not my sister... just some UPS guy.
Shit... aren't there like... pornos that start out this way?
I most nearly slammed the door in his face... but I decided to sign for the package (it was a big package... so I was curious as to what was inside).
I've never been so mortified (at least the towel was new... I would have killed myself had I been using one of our ghetto towels).

I wasn't even out of the shower when my sister let me in on some family news:
(screaming from the other side of the door)
Sister: Hey! Is it OK if we go see Ocean's 13 some other day?
Me: Yeah, sure (it's not like I want to see the damn thing. My Matt Damond crush was so 2003-2005!)
Sister: Yeah, 'cause I'm gonna go see Crazy-Driving-Cousin because she got a boob job.
Me: (internally) lalala... wait... (aloud)Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!
Sister: Exactly! That's what I said.
Me: How the... when the... whaaaat?!
Sister: She got 'em done Monday. I called her today to see if she wanted to come along to watch Ocean's 13 with us... and she was like "Oh, I can't. Hasn't anybody told you?" and I was like "No..." and she was like "I'm on bed rest" and I was like "Oh my God! What happened?! Are you ok?!" You know, thinking she got major surgery done or something. And just as I though "Shit, did she get a boob job?!" she goes "I got my boobies done!"
Me: Wowwwwwwwwwww! No wayyyyy.
Sister: Yeah... I know!
Me: Man... that shit ain't fair.
Sister: Tell me about it! Fuck it, man, I'm getting mine done, too!
Me: Fuck that, I'm the one with big boobs in this family!
Sister: Shit... I'm hitting the gym harder now.
Me: Shit... me too... fuck that, man... I'm getting a six pack. I'm motivated now... more than ever to be in go-go dancer shape. Fuck this.

Yeah. I never thought I'd be so pissed about one of my family members getting plastic surgery... but apparently I am.
I screamed "What?!" so much that I started to get light-headed.

I am curious to see what my cousin looks like, though. She was pretty flat-chested... and it was weirder when she was chubby... because flat-chested fat girls look weird like a motherfucker. She's thin now, and I didn't think her chest was a problem... I was a little envious, in fact... because in her size, she could buy cute bras anywhere. I hope she has fun buying lactating-mother bras now... because bras in the D range really suck. They're ugly and hard to find in this stripper-infested city.

Shit dude... my cousin (that I can still remember crawling around in my living room) got a boob job!

Can't wait to see what the rest of this day has in store for me (I better not end up in a cast or some shit)!

***UPDATE***
5 PM- Sister came back from visiting Crazy-Driving-Cousin and it turns out, she only got corrective surgery... but still, they were her boobs.
Sister accompanied CDC to the doctor and thanks to that, Little Sister no longer wants any sort of surgery.
I guess some good did come out of this wackiness.

However! I did get some more strange news that only helps make this day more memorable:
One of my friends, a dude I did have a crush on a while back (shit, I still sort of had it until about a month ago, when he did something that irritated me), has "finally jumped out of the closet" (I love how the person who told me this said "jumped out," it cracked me up).
I can't say I was shocked (he once dated one of my friends and then dumped her out of the blue. His excuse was that "she wasn't outgoing enough." We didn't understand, seeing as how the girl's a Spanish singing sensation. Now we know the truth... she just didn't have a penis)... but I was a little bummed. He's a cute boy... and very funny... and very cool... but he can be a self-absorbed jackass (I mean, he's capable of annoying me to the point where I lose all romantic interest in him. That takes a lot, seeing as how I'm constantly crushing on one guy or another).
Too bad.
:(
But I still love him either way.
:)