Thursday, August 26, 2010

jokes DO come true

Yesterday had to be one of the strangest days of my life.

Supposedly, the plan was going to go like this:
Wake up, check e-mail, register for GRE, gym, shower, eat, study, sleep.

Instead, it went like this:
Woke up, checked e-mail, noticed three job offers from a science-related job-finding agency thing I had not heard from in MONTHS, got strange phone call... asking me to come in for a job interview because they're in need of a chemist, I said "Oh damn, ok... sure?", set up interview for Thursday morning, hung up, screamed, texted Chase and thanked her for the hook up, screamed some more, texted three more people for a couple of hours, gym, shower, got mail and noticed another science-related job offer, threaded eyebrows and had the hook up because I was the only person in the room who understood why the eyebrow threaders were tired, sleepy, etc... Ramadan--duh!, had a pleasant conversation about islam, ate, went shopping, geeked out a bit more over the interview, went to bed.

I find this incredibly bizarre.
Why on the day I was going to finally register for the GRE?
Umm.. God, I appreciate the interaction and everything... but why are you so confusing?!
Last year, when I was ready to take the plunge into the science field, all this drama occurred, where I was even forced to leave the country.
Instead of crying out of confusion and desperation, I took it as a sign.
Ok, I guess science isn't for me... ? Writing, here I come!!
Now, when I'm about to take the plunge into English, science comes stampeding back into my life, tossing not-so-subtle hints that maybe I should go back to looking its way.

Science is like that one fickle, possessive ex-boyfriend with whom you have an on-and-off again relationship, your highs are really high, lows are incredibly low. He hurts the shit out of you, you break up and cry a lot, but then he wants back in once he sees you're moving on quite nicely without him.
I'm that stupid, abused ex-girlfriend who thinks "He's really sorry... and he was my first love... he promised never to hurt me again" and I go back to that damn executioner.

The job is cool, though. It's a nutrition corp that is looking for a chemist. He/she will be in charge of synthesizing/formulating health supplements... i.e. protein shake powder and all that good shit. He/she even gets to invent flavors (!!! An inside joke I once had with Chase back in college involved this job. She was going to be a famous rockstar traveling the world, I was going to move to the Greater Manchester area in England and become a "flavorologist." Somehow, I'd find Cristiano Ronaldo, get married... or just fuck him... and live happily ever after. Dream big, AnoMALIE!).
Not only that, but he/she will have to interact with the buyers and the celebs who will endorse the product, "like... UFC fighters and... all sorts of athletes."
??? Jesus Christ... are you serious?
The whole time the interviewer was speaking to me, I kept thinking "How the fuck... did they contact me? I... oh my god... I'm in over my head." But I just smiled and laughed at the guy's jokes.
Put on the charm, AnoMALIE... you are so not qualified for this shit...

Would I want the job? Sure, I love lab work... it made my entire science experience bearable. If the class didn't have lab, then I surely damn near failed it.
And athletes? Duuuuude! Don't even play with me like that. I live for those bastards!
Athleticism in general has always been an interest of mine (believe it or not. "Fuck you!" if you don't).

But see... I have plans... and I'm actually moving forward with them for once.

Do I take back my ex-boyfriend/ex-husband?
Or do I stand my ground and say "FUCK YOU! I made up my mind, motherfucker! You can't have me now!"

I have to be in Chicago next month... well, I don't have to be in Chicago, but I already paid the $400 round trip plane ticket... the thought of having to give that shit up feels like someone's shoving their foot up my ass while their buddy is punching me in the gut.
I have to admit that's sort of playing a role in this.

I'm so confused... like... no, seriously, nothing has confused me this badly before.
It's a horrible dilemma!!

Why the fuck was I born a Pisces?! My interests are so diverse and random, I end up miserable not knowing which path to choose.
Artsy or analytical?
Use my head or use my heart?

It should be illegal to fuck in the month of June... why create more confused Pisces children for the world? Shit.

4 comments:

Mooney said...

OMG. YES. DAMN PISCES TRAITS!!! *shakes fist angrily*

The job offers are awesome...I mean, think about it, how many UNLV graduates with BS's (hahaha) actually WORK in a career that they have a degree for?

You could always take English...it isn't going anywhere! :D

But in the end, like a Pisces, my advice is to go with your heart.

Mooney said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
AnoMALIE said...

well, I guess I could say I'm doing something with my bio degree... even if it is chemistry... although now that I think about it, chem's really what I wanted to do in the first place.
and yeah, I'm following my heart.

Oh! and he was actually with the thunder guys! which, btw, go to my lvac ;) I've walked to my car with the dude with long hair. yeahhhh! haha pero awwww! que lindo. how many times have you watched that video, huh??? ;)

Mooney said...

It came on when I was in Cali and he linked me to it. I watched it a couple of times...Jessica said he was cool. Hahaha!!! I came across this montage in all it's glory.

And for the record, I happened to like him in his cream suit. ;D