Voice

Sometimes, I go so long without talking, it takes me a couple of hours to normalize my voice once I do begin to vocalize.
Same goes for my writing... the longer my gaps between jotting down thoughts, the worse my spelling, syntax, voice etc gets... and regularizing that takes longer than a few hours... so sorry folks.

I really, REALLY want to write for the rest of my life... but if I get this fucked up with taking three weeks off, then how the fuck am I going to be able to make it work?
And it's not even like I didn't write AT ALL for three weeks- I'd write in my real journal at least once a week. I also studied like a beast while in Mexico... I'm damn near done with all my study material, and oddly enough, English was the thing saving my ass instead of math.
Hmmm.

For the first time, I was admitting to people in Mexico my real intentions when it comes to grad school. No, I'm not going to med school, you CAN'T PAY ME ENOUGH to go to med school... no, I'm not going to grad school for Biology... I'm... I'm going to write.

You like to write? Like... essays and shit?
No... I don't enjoy research papers, essays... shit, I don't even like poetry, but writing down thoughts... now THAT'S fun.

I swear people gave me the crazy look each time I told them of my intentions... and... well... I don't really give a fuck. They don't see me giving them the crazy eye when they tell me they work at a casino... or when they talk for hours about their job at a produce company.
Produce? I'm supposed to be interested in the trading of produce? You went to school for that? Alright... whatever floats your boat, homie.
Anyway, this tiny break sort of kicked my ass into gear. Now people know what I really want to do... so they know what to expect... and the pressure's on not to fail.
Gross.

And that is why I never talk of future plans with ANYONE... well, except Chase... but she's like... my brain (because she knows what goes on in there better than I do)... and she never revels in my failure like others.