One can always depend on a best friend to help put shit in perspective.
Last night, Kelley's response to what's going on with this mourning issue:
Ignore it. Honestly, you gave them support.. and it's apparent they don't care. They probably have much greater issues than the passing of a loved one.. like you said.. those kids no longer have a father.. why wouldn't they concentrate on that.
When my mom died I didn't expect anyone to stop what they were doing, just because. The one truth in life is.. everything dies sometime. Hell.. my dad didn't want my brother or me to do that because.. life goes on for the living. Tragedies and sad times happen.
As a relative or friend you give your condolences.. and it's up to the primary mourner to move forward.
Whatever you do, do not feel bad.
if you ever need to talk anytime or hangout (late at night.. or in the morning.. silly work) I am ALWAYS here. You do not need this. DO NOT feel bad.
That, my friends, is why she's my bestie.
Back when her mom passed away, we were high school seniors.
I had turned 18 two days before, Kelley was 17.
When I called Kelley HOURS after her mom had passed away, I was being a cunt, totally concerned with calculus homework (I was unaware of what had happened, since I had just spent my weekend at Disneyland).
Well, I wasn't TOO much of a cunt, I was just exasperated with the homework and I turn into a hardheaded mean bitch when I'm exasperated.
However, I noticed her voice was different, and I asked what was wrong.
Her response is something I'll never forget:
My mom died...
I asked what I could do. What I should do.
Just keep me busy. I need to keep busy.
And so, there we were... on the phone... crying (I was sobbing more than she was, because I'm a weakass)... but beasting our calculus homework (I still remember it was a project where you had to calculate interest rates on your home's mortgage, among other things. My house has no mortgage rate... so this was being the worst pain in my fucking ass. It still makes me angry to think about it).
She was trying to keep ME from crying.
I can't imagine living my life without my mom. While my mom was more militant than maternal in the way she raised me, thinking of ever not having her here drives me crazy.
Last night, Kelley's response to what's going on with this mourning issue:
Ignore it. Honestly, you gave them support.. and it's apparent they don't care. They probably have much greater issues than the passing of a loved one.. like you said.. those kids no longer have a father.. why wouldn't they concentrate on that.
When my mom died I didn't expect anyone to stop what they were doing, just because. The one truth in life is.. everything dies sometime. Hell.. my dad didn't want my brother or me to do that because.. life goes on for the living. Tragedies and sad times happen.
As a relative or friend you give your condolences.. and it's up to the primary mourner to move forward.
Whatever you do, do not feel bad.
if you ever need to talk anytime or hangout (late at night.. or in the morning.. silly work) I am ALWAYS here. You do not need this. DO NOT feel bad.
That, my friends, is why she's my bestie.
Back when her mom passed away, we were high school seniors.
I had turned 18 two days before, Kelley was 17.
When I called Kelley HOURS after her mom had passed away, I was being a cunt, totally concerned with calculus homework (I was unaware of what had happened, since I had just spent my weekend at Disneyland).
Well, I wasn't TOO much of a cunt, I was just exasperated with the homework and I turn into a hardheaded mean bitch when I'm exasperated.
However, I noticed her voice was different, and I asked what was wrong.
Her response is something I'll never forget:
My mom died...
I asked what I could do. What I should do.
Just keep me busy. I need to keep busy.
And so, there we were... on the phone... crying (I was sobbing more than she was, because I'm a weakass)... but beasting our calculus homework (I still remember it was a project where you had to calculate interest rates on your home's mortgage, among other things. My house has no mortgage rate... so this was being the worst pain in my fucking ass. It still makes me angry to think about it).
She was trying to keep ME from crying.
I can't imagine living my life without my mom. While my mom was more militant than maternal in the way she raised me, thinking of ever not having her here drives me crazy.
A girl needs her mom, I don't care what anyone says in regards to that.
I doubt anything can be as painful as the loss of your mother... (not considering the loss of a child, but for a 17 year old high school girl? There can't be a pain worse than having your mom pass away) and here my best friend was going through it... AND she was trying to keep everyone else from feeling bad about it.
Her mom. Ok. Not her grandmother. Not her sister-in-law. Not her cousin. Her mother.
She continued living and encouraged others to do so.
Her mom. Ok. Not her grandmother. Not her sister-in-law. Not her cousin. Her mother.
She continued living and encouraged others to do so.
Goes to show why I love the people I CHOOSE to interact with, as opposed to those whose circle I was BORN INTO.
However, how Kelley advised, I'm not going to feel bad (about pissing these people off OR about them talking shit about me).
I'm not even going to hold a grudge against these people. I understand a loss makes people's judgement a little... clouded. Grief fucks with people in different ways... I suppose this time around, I just have to deal with being vilified.
Thanks for the words, Kelley. You rock :)
However, how Kelley advised, I'm not going to feel bad (about pissing these people off OR about them talking shit about me).
I'm not even going to hold a grudge against these people. I understand a loss makes people's judgement a little... clouded. Grief fucks with people in different ways... I suppose this time around, I just have to deal with being vilified.
Thanks for the words, Kelley. You rock :)
1 comment:
You weren't a bitch :P
to repeat myself -I hope these people come to their senses, cause you certainly don't deserve that.. and they should find that lashing out/creating drama makes everything feel 10x worse. for them. Especially when it comes back around.
Post a Comment