So uh... today wasn't... one of my best days.
You could say October started with a bang for me.
A big one.
A REALLY big one.
On the bright side:
I made peace with Musketeer's wife. For real.
I guess helping someone move out of their apartment by hossing heavy boxes up and down two flights of stairs for five hours will kind of help prove your point that: I'M YOUR FUCKING FRIEND!
On the bad side:
I fought with my mother over yet ANOTHER humiliation suffered at church... at the hands of the fucking stupid ushers.
Backstory: As I helped Musketeer move, he ordered pizza. Since I had been jumping (no, seriously, I was jumping on and off the truck, up and down some stairs), jogging, continuously going up and down two flights of stairs, and lifting heavy shit for five hours (which had me drenched in sweat, I'd be leaving a sweat trail after the third hour, no lie), I decided I'd partake in the pizza-eating.
This fucked me up. My stomach was wishing my death.
AND STILL, I decided to go to church at 5PM (I was done helping Musketeer at 4PM).
Now, I NEVER do this at church, but as a means to encourage my body to start metabolizing the fucking pizza that was killing me, I decided to VERY DISCREETLY chew A STICK of bubblegum.
In the Catholic church, you're not allowed to eat anything a full hour prior to taking the holy communion.
Thing is, I don't take the holy communion.
I've never been a fan of hypocritically going up there as if I'm a sinless creature, because I know I'm not perfect-- I cuss on an hourly basis and I wish harm on others at least twice a week. That, in my book, makes me unworthy of going up there... so I DON'T go. I'm sincere in my behavior when it comes to that aspect. The moment I fuck up is the moment I quit taking communion, even if it's something as simple as me cussing at D.
OK, so that was my rationalizing of that even.
My stomach hurts, this pizza needs to get digested... I'm not going to take holy communion... so I'm going to DISCREETLY chew on this stick of gum to encourage my stomach to digest. Mass is an hour long, I'll hang on to this gum until I get home.
What happens? About five minutes into mass, a stupid little cunt, about 14 years old pokes my left arm and tells me
Bitch: Are you chewing gum?
Me: What?
I look down and see she's holding a Kleenex in her right hand and pointing at it with her left.
I look at the Kleenex, then at her.
I raise my left eyebrow.
You're kidding me, right? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Bitch: Can you spit out your gum?!
I look back down at her hand, make eye-contact, roll my eyes, scoff, and wave her away with my left hand (she was down to my shoulder, since we were both standing up).
Me: It's all right. I'll swallow it.
The little twat walked away.
Since I'm not a complete asshole, I decided to swallow the gum.
BUT I kept moving my mandibles as if I were chewing... because I wanted the goddamn metabolic process to fucking begin. BECAUSE MY STOMACH HURT.
Five minutes later, another girl walks up to me. This one giving me a more "hardass" look. She did the same thing with the Kleenex. She was about 15.
Bitch#2: Spit out your gum!
I made eye contact with her. I made sure to give her the MEANEST glare in my repertoire. My "Who THE FUCK do you think you are?! Get away from me before I fucking KNOCK THE TASTE OUT YOUR MOUTH" glare.
I wanted to make sure I made my point clear-- if she, or any other fucking asshole in that building approached me, I was going to do just that, knock their fucking teeth out.
Excommunication be damned, I was going to beat a motherfucking condescending cunt right then and there. I KNOW the rules. I FOLLOW the rules... to damn near motherfucking perfection... for all TWENTY-SIX motherfucking years of my life.
Me: WHAT GUM?! THE ONE I SWALLOWED FIVE MINUTES AGO?!
Bitch#2: Oh. Ok. ::between her teeth:: Thank. You.
Mind you, all this shit went on as the gospel was being read by the priest and we all stood there, listening.
The people sitting around me all saw this scene... of these fucking twats trying to condescend ME, a 26 year old who was minding her own fucking business... DISCREETLY chewing gum to kickstart her goddamn metabolism. The 26 year old who has been attending that church for TWENTY SIX YEARS.
I spent the rest of mass grinding my teeth, chewing my tongue and inside of my cheeks.
OK, so there's that.
I came home and I was talking about it with D. Laughing about it.
Of course, Mom had to come in and add her two cent.
More than two cents.
As always, she took sides with the church.
She said things that greatly upset me, and no matter how hard I tried explaining my situation, she wouldn't listen.
It was ALL YOUR FAULT and YOU DESERVED IT.
I AM A GOOD PERSON! I AM A GOOD CATHOLIC! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WHO RARELY GO TO CHURCH BUT SUDDENLY HOLD A SPOT AS AN USHER FEEL SO FUCKING ENTITLED TO SHAME ME IN FRONT OF THE CONGREGATION FOR BULLSHIT.
And we kept going at it.
Me: If they would have sent ONE more fucking little bitch, I would have spit in her fucking face. I WOULD HAVE!
Mom: You're crazy, AnoMALIE. YOU'RE REALLY CRAZY!
I was quiet. I covered my eyes, took in a deep breath, trying to calm down... and I said what I was really thinking.
Me: You'll never understand. You'll just never understand. I don't want to... listen to you... even look at you right now. Please get away from me.
Mom: IF YOUR STOMACH HURT SO MUCH, WHY DID YOU GO TO CHURCH?! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TODAY! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST WAIT TO GO TOMORROW?!
And suddenly... something in my head and heart snapped.
I was done being nice. I was done walking on eggshells. I was done holding it in.
I looked her dead in the eye, and as... honestly as possible, but knowing I was going to hurt her, but getting some sort of... evil joy knowing I WOULD, I said the truth.
Me: Wanna know WHY I went today? WANNA KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE I WANT TO GET RID OF THE CHURCH CHORE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I WANT TO FINISH THAT TASK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE IT. IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I WOULD HAVE STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH FUCKING FOUR YEARS AGO!!!!
That's where Dad walked into my room. He saw how wildly I was crying, mascara smeared all over my face--not just my eyes-- from rubbing my face so hard in my exasperation.
He immediately asked me what was wrong.
I don't know what it is about my pops, but whenever he wants me to explain a situation that has me upset, I just lose it.
I couldn't get past two sentences before I was sobbing too hard to make coherent sounds.
Somehow, I managed to tell him the story, explaining how what I was doing didn't merit that sort of... public chastising/humiliation, when there were many other people being FAR MORE disruptive than I was (two benches ahead of me, there was this imbecilic mother allowing her stupid spawn to rip pages out of the missal. FAR more destructive than any bullshit I was supposedly doing).
Dad took my side, saying the least he would have done would have been to slap the stupid little bitch across the face.
Mom stormed out of my room (she went to bed without giving me her blessing. She has never done that before).
I kept crying.
Mom wouldn't defend me against her church... that shit hurts... a lot. Then again... it's thanks to that adherence that she... ignored what happened to me 19 years ago...
And that's how my parents found out I'm... possibly possessed by the devil.
Hello, October.
You could say October started with a bang for me.
A big one.
A REALLY big one.
On the bright side:
I made peace with Musketeer's wife. For real.
I guess helping someone move out of their apartment by hossing heavy boxes up and down two flights of stairs for five hours will kind of help prove your point that: I'M YOUR FUCKING FRIEND!
On the bad side:
I fought with my mother over yet ANOTHER humiliation suffered at church... at the hands of the fucking stupid ushers.
Backstory: As I helped Musketeer move, he ordered pizza. Since I had been jumping (no, seriously, I was jumping on and off the truck, up and down some stairs), jogging, continuously going up and down two flights of stairs, and lifting heavy shit for five hours (which had me drenched in sweat, I'd be leaving a sweat trail after the third hour, no lie), I decided I'd partake in the pizza-eating.
This fucked me up. My stomach was wishing my death.
AND STILL, I decided to go to church at 5PM (I was done helping Musketeer at 4PM).
Now, I NEVER do this at church, but as a means to encourage my body to start metabolizing the fucking pizza that was killing me, I decided to VERY DISCREETLY chew A STICK of bubblegum.
In the Catholic church, you're not allowed to eat anything a full hour prior to taking the holy communion.
Thing is, I don't take the holy communion.
I've never been a fan of hypocritically going up there as if I'm a sinless creature, because I know I'm not perfect-- I cuss on an hourly basis and I wish harm on others at least twice a week. That, in my book, makes me unworthy of going up there... so I DON'T go. I'm sincere in my behavior when it comes to that aspect. The moment I fuck up is the moment I quit taking communion, even if it's something as simple as me cussing at D.
OK, so that was my rationalizing of that even.
My stomach hurts, this pizza needs to get digested... I'm not going to take holy communion... so I'm going to DISCREETLY chew on this stick of gum to encourage my stomach to digest. Mass is an hour long, I'll hang on to this gum until I get home.
What happens? About five minutes into mass, a stupid little cunt, about 14 years old pokes my left arm and tells me
Bitch: Are you chewing gum?
Me: What?
I look down and see she's holding a Kleenex in her right hand and pointing at it with her left.
I look at the Kleenex, then at her.
I raise my left eyebrow.
You're kidding me, right? Who the fuck do you think you are?
Bitch: Can you spit out your gum?!
I look back down at her hand, make eye-contact, roll my eyes, scoff, and wave her away with my left hand (she was down to my shoulder, since we were both standing up).
Me: It's all right. I'll swallow it.
The little twat walked away.
Since I'm not a complete asshole, I decided to swallow the gum.
BUT I kept moving my mandibles as if I were chewing... because I wanted the goddamn metabolic process to fucking begin. BECAUSE MY STOMACH HURT.
Five minutes later, another girl walks up to me. This one giving me a more "hardass" look. She did the same thing with the Kleenex. She was about 15.
Bitch#2: Spit out your gum!
I made eye contact with her. I made sure to give her the MEANEST glare in my repertoire. My "Who THE FUCK do you think you are?! Get away from me before I fucking KNOCK THE TASTE OUT YOUR MOUTH" glare.
I wanted to make sure I made my point clear-- if she, or any other fucking asshole in that building approached me, I was going to do just that, knock their fucking teeth out.
Excommunication be damned, I was going to beat a motherfucking condescending cunt right then and there. I KNOW the rules. I FOLLOW the rules... to damn near motherfucking perfection... for all TWENTY-SIX motherfucking years of my life.
Me: WHAT GUM?! THE ONE I SWALLOWED FIVE MINUTES AGO?!
Bitch#2: Oh. Ok. ::between her teeth:: Thank. You.
Mind you, all this shit went on as the gospel was being read by the priest and we all stood there, listening.
The people sitting around me all saw this scene... of these fucking twats trying to condescend ME, a 26 year old who was minding her own fucking business... DISCREETLY chewing gum to kickstart her goddamn metabolism. The 26 year old who has been attending that church for TWENTY SIX YEARS.
I spent the rest of mass grinding my teeth, chewing my tongue and inside of my cheeks.
OK, so there's that.
I came home and I was talking about it with D. Laughing about it.
Of course, Mom had to come in and add her two cent.
More than two cents.
As always, she took sides with the church.
She said things that greatly upset me, and no matter how hard I tried explaining my situation, she wouldn't listen.
It was ALL YOUR FAULT and YOU DESERVED IT.
I AM A GOOD PERSON! I AM A GOOD CATHOLIC! I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WHO RARELY GO TO CHURCH BUT SUDDENLY HOLD A SPOT AS AN USHER FEEL SO FUCKING ENTITLED TO SHAME ME IN FRONT OF THE CONGREGATION FOR BULLSHIT.
And we kept going at it.
Me: If they would have sent ONE more fucking little bitch, I would have spit in her fucking face. I WOULD HAVE!
Mom: You're crazy, AnoMALIE. YOU'RE REALLY CRAZY!
I was quiet. I covered my eyes, took in a deep breath, trying to calm down... and I said what I was really thinking.
Me: You'll never understand. You'll just never understand. I don't want to... listen to you... even look at you right now. Please get away from me.
Mom: IF YOUR STOMACH HURT SO MUCH, WHY DID YOU GO TO CHURCH?! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO GO TODAY! WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST WAIT TO GO TOMORROW?!
And suddenly... something in my head and heart snapped.
I was done being nice. I was done walking on eggshells. I was done holding it in.
I looked her dead in the eye, and as... honestly as possible, but knowing I was going to hurt her, but getting some sort of... evil joy knowing I WOULD, I said the truth.
Me: Wanna know WHY I went today? WANNA KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE I WANT TO GET RID OF THE CHURCH CHORE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I WANT TO FINISH THAT TASK AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I WANT TO GET IT OVER WITH AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. BECAUSE I FUCKING HATE IT. IF IT WERE UP TO ME, I WOULD HAVE STOPPED GOING TO CHURCH FUCKING FOUR YEARS AGO!!!!
That's where Dad walked into my room. He saw how wildly I was crying, mascara smeared all over my face--not just my eyes-- from rubbing my face so hard in my exasperation.
He immediately asked me what was wrong.
I don't know what it is about my pops, but whenever he wants me to explain a situation that has me upset, I just lose it.
I couldn't get past two sentences before I was sobbing too hard to make coherent sounds.
Somehow, I managed to tell him the story, explaining how what I was doing didn't merit that sort of... public chastising/humiliation, when there were many other people being FAR MORE disruptive than I was (two benches ahead of me, there was this imbecilic mother allowing her stupid spawn to rip pages out of the missal. FAR more destructive than any bullshit I was supposedly doing).
Dad took my side, saying the least he would have done would have been to slap the stupid little bitch across the face.
Mom stormed out of my room (she went to bed without giving me her blessing. She has never done that before).
I kept crying.
Mom wouldn't defend me against her church... that shit hurts... a lot. Then again... it's thanks to that adherence that she... ignored what happened to me 19 years ago...
And that's how my parents found out I'm... possibly possessed by the devil.
Hello, October.
4 comments:
:( I'm sorry. But yeah, the stupid little usher should have minded their own business.
I don't know what it is about me that makes people go out of their damn way to be mean to me. I seriously think I just need to punch the next motherfucker who disrespects me.
I think I agree. You certainly don't deserve that. I'll look into that boxing gym.
call me crazy, but something tells me I'll no longer have the monetary assistance I had before (to join the gym). I've stirred the once calm waters of the house... I'm probably going to have some sort of exorcism soon, watch.
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