I should try being a little less melodramatic.
I'm just upset because I never once thought I'd be the one who'd end up running shit at Mom and Dad's place.
I'm the one with the biology degree... D has the business degree.
This all came about because Dad felt terrible for me after I lost my job back in November (crazy how time flies). I'm convinced he's reading my diary too... he's unusually concerned with my emotional state. He has been inviting me to go out with him.
Dad: Mija, wanna join me and your mom to go see the houses we bought?
(ah yes, my dad's new endeavor. I'll talk about that eventually)
Me: Why?
Dad: I don't know... to get you out of the house. So you won't be here alone.
Me: No... I'm fine. Thanks.
Dad: I'm going to Sam's Club. Wanna come?
Me: Uh... I'm cool. Thanks.
Dad: I'm going to check out if the mechanic has D's car ready. Wanna come with me?
Me: It's ok, Dad, I think D would be the person more interested in doing that.
Then I remember my stupid outburst from last month.
You're such an idiot, AnoMALIE...
It's already January, I should be off suicide-watch by now. Would I have attempted anything, it would have been around the holidays, like so many people do (I'm not joking here. This past December, two acquaintances did this. It's always so disheartening to hear, even if I didn't really know them).
I'm still bummed and have to fight off the sadness and everything, but I'm actively trying to get better. Seriously. I'm even doing that stupid thing where I'll hangout in the sunlight for a few minutes, getting that fucking vitamin D in and whatnot.
I also know I shouldn't be upset about Mom and Dad's workplace... I mean, it's thanks to that place that we have anything. And it's OUR place. I know far too many people who wish they could own their own business.
No one can scream at me... I have the power to fire people... it's an easy job... I have as much vacation time as I damn well please... and I can take vacation whenever I want. It's good.
I'm just... sad because it's not something I love. Shit, it's not even something I'm remotely interested in.
I get frustrated because of all that fucking time I spent killing myself at school... going all the way back to elementary. All those years giving it my all and staying up late learning bullshit... crying and freaking out... and it all boils down to this.
I kid you not when I say I felt probably the last piece of me die the moment I signed the last sheet of paperwork.
Aqui esta mi alma. I give up.
No more dreaming, AnoMALIE. It's over.
Grow up and give up.
I'm just upset because I never once thought I'd be the one who'd end up running shit at Mom and Dad's place.
I'm the one with the biology degree... D has the business degree.
This all came about because Dad felt terrible for me after I lost my job back in November (crazy how time flies). I'm convinced he's reading my diary too... he's unusually concerned with my emotional state. He has been inviting me to go out with him.
Dad: Mija, wanna join me and your mom to go see the houses we bought?
(ah yes, my dad's new endeavor. I'll talk about that eventually)
Me: Why?
Dad: I don't know... to get you out of the house. So you won't be here alone.
Me: No... I'm fine. Thanks.
Dad: I'm going to Sam's Club. Wanna come?
Me: Uh... I'm cool. Thanks.
Dad: I'm going to check out if the mechanic has D's car ready. Wanna come with me?
Me: It's ok, Dad, I think D would be the person more interested in doing that.
Then I remember my stupid outburst from last month.
You're such an idiot, AnoMALIE...
It's already January, I should be off suicide-watch by now. Would I have attempted anything, it would have been around the holidays, like so many people do (I'm not joking here. This past December, two acquaintances did this. It's always so disheartening to hear, even if I didn't really know them).
I'm still bummed and have to fight off the sadness and everything, but I'm actively trying to get better. Seriously. I'm even doing that stupid thing where I'll hangout in the sunlight for a few minutes, getting that fucking vitamin D in and whatnot.
I also know I shouldn't be upset about Mom and Dad's workplace... I mean, it's thanks to that place that we have anything. And it's OUR place. I know far too many people who wish they could own their own business.
No one can scream at me... I have the power to fire people... it's an easy job... I have as much vacation time as I damn well please... and I can take vacation whenever I want. It's good.
I'm just... sad because it's not something I love. Shit, it's not even something I'm remotely interested in.
I get frustrated because of all that fucking time I spent killing myself at school... going all the way back to elementary. All those years giving it my all and staying up late learning bullshit... crying and freaking out... and it all boils down to this.
I kid you not when I say I felt probably the last piece of me die the moment I signed the last sheet of paperwork.
Aqui esta mi alma. I give up.
No more dreaming, AnoMALIE. It's over.
Grow up and give up.
1 comment:
Don't give up. Honestly, it's the worst thing you could do. I'm not living my dream, but I'm not giving up on it. Even though I'm stuck in one ring of the inferno.. I will get out of it someday. You will get out of your inferno. Persistence. Persistence, persistence.
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