In support of yesterday's internet blackout, I opted out of posting.
Ok, I was also kind of tired and chose to sleep instead of type.
I won't skip today, but I'll try to keep it short:
A name I've grown accustomed to hearing others call me is "that one girl (or chick)."
It doesn't offend me, I mean, it's pretty dead-on.
That one girl who flips you off in traffic?
Right here.
If you want to get tough with me, I'll throw up my hands in that "What? Wanna fight, bitch?! I'm RIGHT HERE! COME AND GET IT, BITCH!" cholo gesture. I have that chola shit DOWN. It strikes fear in my white friend's hearts... just ask them.
Musketeer: Move!
(I get within inches of his face, raise my chin, and talk slowly, sustaining eye-contact)
Me: Or. What?
Musketeer: Oh shit, AnoMALIE... that was real Mexican chola right there. You scared me a little.
That one girl who manages to step in the ONE puddle of water in the entire sidewalk/carpet/parking lot/football field... or manages to trip on ANYTHING ranging from a minuscule tree branch to a dry leaf?
Guilty.
THAT LEAF WAS WET! Wet leaves on asphalt are slippery! Cut me some slack, God.
That one girl who doesn't say a fucking word for three hours, and totally convinces you she's a mute?
C'est moi!
Sometimes, I make a game of it and try to go on as long as possible without uttering a word. I've gone silent for three days. Afterwards, I was clearing my throat for hours... as if I were some chain-smoking 90-year-old. That wasn't fun.
That one chick who can't shut the fuck up after someone makes the mistake of bringing up soccer/ANTM/anything Mexico-related/anything gym-related... or worse yet, someone decides he/she wants to compete against her in something and BEATS her?
She goes by the name of *AnoMALIE*
...and she will beat your ass... or cry, depending on the time of the month.
That one chick that can sing you a variety of 80's-90's cartoon theme songs and re-enact scenes from Disney movies?
You got your girl.
Anyone else remember that "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" cartoon? That song haunts the shit out of me for some reason.
That one chick who drops f-bombs galore... and pretty much out-swears any dude?
Yo! What up, muthafuckaaa?!
I'm working on easing up on this, I swear... but my repertoire is too fucking awesome to let go!
That one girl who is uneasy around balloons?
Fuck balloons, man.
Really, WHY do they exist?! If they're not filled with water: Fuck. That. Shit! Pop one near me and I'll fucking kill you.
That one girl who blushes every time any dude directs anything her way... whether it's eye-contact or a smile?
Why do I do that?
I need to grow some balls. I'm such a stupid virgin, seriously.
That one girl who Lennie-Small's shit all the time?
Hulk SMASH!
It should be physically impossible for a chick with ballerina-wrists to destroy anything that lands in her hands... yet here I am... continuously breaking shit.
That one girl who refuses to pay attention to any guy because they don't live up to the awesomeness of that one guy?
Yeah, I'm that one girl.
Or Ryan Gosling. I mean, look at him stopping this fight in the middle of the day in NYC:
Oh g-aaaaaaaaaaaaah-d! Is it fucking hot in here or what? Shit. Mmmmm.
Ok, I was also kind of tired and chose to sleep instead of type.
I won't skip today, but I'll try to keep it short:
A name I've grown accustomed to hearing others call me is "that one girl (or chick)."
It doesn't offend me, I mean, it's pretty dead-on.
That one girl who flips you off in traffic?
Right here.
If you want to get tough with me, I'll throw up my hands in that "What? Wanna fight, bitch?! I'm RIGHT HERE! COME AND GET IT, BITCH!" cholo gesture. I have that chola shit DOWN. It strikes fear in my white friend's hearts... just ask them.
Musketeer: Move!
(I get within inches of his face, raise my chin, and talk slowly, sustaining eye-contact)
Me: Or. What?
Musketeer: Oh shit, AnoMALIE... that was real Mexican chola right there. You scared me a little.
That one girl who manages to step in the ONE puddle of water in the entire sidewalk/carpet/parking lot/football field... or manages to trip on ANYTHING ranging from a minuscule tree branch to a dry leaf?
Guilty.
THAT LEAF WAS WET! Wet leaves on asphalt are slippery! Cut me some slack, God.
That one girl who doesn't say a fucking word for three hours, and totally convinces you she's a mute?
C'est moi!
Sometimes, I make a game of it and try to go on as long as possible without uttering a word. I've gone silent for three days. Afterwards, I was clearing my throat for hours... as if I were some chain-smoking 90-year-old. That wasn't fun.
That one chick who can't shut the fuck up after someone makes the mistake of bringing up soccer/ANTM/anything Mexico-related/anything gym-related... or worse yet, someone decides he/she wants to compete against her in something and BEATS her?
She goes by the name of *AnoMALIE*
...and she will beat your ass... or cry, depending on the time of the month.
That one chick that can sing you a variety of 80's-90's cartoon theme songs and re-enact scenes from Disney movies?
You got your girl.
Anyone else remember that "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" cartoon? That song haunts the shit out of me for some reason.
That one chick who drops f-bombs galore... and pretty much out-swears any dude?
Yo! What up, muthafuckaaa?!
I'm working on easing up on this, I swear... but my repertoire is too fucking awesome to let go!
That one girl who is uneasy around balloons?
Fuck balloons, man.
Really, WHY do they exist?! If they're not filled with water: Fuck. That. Shit! Pop one near me and I'll fucking kill you.
That one girl who blushes every time any dude directs anything her way... whether it's eye-contact or a smile?
Why do I do that?
I need to grow some balls. I'm such a stupid virgin, seriously.
That one girl who Lennie-Small's shit all the time?
Hulk SMASH!
It should be physically impossible for a chick with ballerina-wrists to destroy anything that lands in her hands... yet here I am... continuously breaking shit.
That one girl who refuses to pay attention to any guy because they don't live up to the awesomeness of that one guy?
Yeah, I'm that one girl.
Or Ryan Gosling. I mean, look at him stopping this fight in the middle of the day in NYC:
Oh g-aaaaaaaaaaaaah-d! Is it fucking hot in here or what? Shit. Mmmmm.
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