20/4

Field trips in the middle of class really discombobulate me.

In yesterday's news:

I know where I get my gift of exaggeration... Dad.
This went down yesterday.

(I walk into the kitchen and Dad's on the phone, destroying everything in his path... i.e. he's tearing shit up looking for a damn platter that's located right in front of the sink)

Dad: What the hell do you mean "right next to the sink?" I'm looking and I can't find anything!Where am I supposed to cook these lobsters?!
(I walk to the cabinet where his dumb platter is. I then hold it up for him to see.)
Dad: (to the phone) Your daughter over here found it. That wasn't "right next to the sink," by the way.
(silence)
Dad: (to the phone) It was IN FRONT of the sink! (click)

(Dad starts kicking plastic cups and kickable shit into the cabinets. I stand and stare at him exasperated. Why? Guess who's going to have to sort that shit out later on... yeah, me)

Dad: See, this is why I get so infuriated! All this garbage! All this shit!

(picks up a Styrofoam box from Buffalo Wild Wings)

Dad: Like this shit... what do we need it for?!

(crushes Styrofoam box with one hand)

Me: ... well... I wouldn't touch it... I mean... Mom'll get really mad if she comes home and finds things missing.
Dad: She's a pack rat!! Just like her mother!!
Me: (internally) Should I laugh?? Should I tell him to hold his horses and not offend my grandmommy? Fuck... he's mad... ok, I'll laugh.

(I laugh)

Me: Yeah... but what can you do?
Dad: 20 bags!! I threw away 20 bags of trash when you guys were in Mexico this summer!
Me: (internally) Well I'll be fucking damned... you serious?

(I raise my eyebrows in amazement)

Dad: And your sister threw away 5!! And look! Look! It still looks the same!!

(Throws a stack of mail against the wall)

Me: Yeah... it kind of does. (internally) Fuck, my dad is mad... I'll be leaving right... now.

When I walk away, I go to Little Sister's room and close the door.

Me: Dude... you guys threw shit away while we were in Mexico??
(Sister grins mischievously)
Sister: Yeah...
Me: Dude... so my dad threw 20 bags of garbage?!
Sister: (raises eyebrows) No!! God no! He threw away 4!
Me: How the hell did you throw away 5?!
Sister: I threw away one!!

At least Dad's consistent in his exaggerating. He multiplies by 5.
(Screw the exaggeration part, I get my fits of rage from good ol' Dad)