Eau de Gummi Bear

Don't ever let Little Sister go to the store to buy you body wash with the only instruction being "Just get me some of that Tone body wash... the one with sugar in it."

Yes, they make some body wash that has sugar in it... it serves as some sort of exfoliate (exfoliant?).
I actually love the stuff... it smells good... and it actually kind of scrubs without hurting you (unless you have an open wound... I found that out the hard way one time, and I actually screamed while in the shower... not a girly scream... but a pain scream as if a bear were gnawing off my leg).

Well, since I had no time to go to the store, Little Sister asked me what I needed, and I reminded her of the body wash.

She came home a couple of hours later and showed me her find.

Little Sister: Ok, so I know you use the green one... but this orange one smelled so good to me! and the name's pretty cool... I wanna see if it works. Tell me if it works.
Me: Cool... whatever... thanks.

Well, I ran out of the green body wash the other day and decided to use the orange one today.

Everything was fine and dandy until I began to apply the body wash.

What the fuck is that? Shit... it's... so... strong... but... must... continue... or... I'll be late...

Point being: I now smell like a gummy bear thanks to hopping in the shower last minute and not having any back up REAGULAR soap to wash up with.

Why do I smell like a gummy bear?
I checked out the bottle... and here's the 411:

Name of the product:
Tahitian Vanilla and Orchid (with 7 moisturizing botanicals)

Ok... 7 moisturizing botanicals... let's check those out:
The 7 moisturizing botanicals include: (they only list of 3 out of 7 with a short description of the 3)

Soybean: Nutrient rich and soothing.
Jojoba: Conditions and Moisturizes.
Marshmallow: Softens and soothes.

Marshmallow! Why do I feel like a s'more all of a sudden?

Had you ever heard of such a thing? Marshmallow in body wash? And it softens and soothes?
Well I'll be damned.
I'm sure it attracts an assload of mosquitoes, too.

Now when I turn to look over my shoulder, I'm confused by the sudden smell of candy... I swear it's the scent of fresh gummies (I imagine this is what the Gummiberry Juice smelled liked on that one Disney show, Gummi Bears, to tell you the truth).

Why hello there, bare... wonderful... sweet shoulder... I'm sure... it's ok if I... just lick you... a little... real quick... I'll stop... I swear... soon...

Man, who the hell invented this, and why doesn't it come with a warning?