AnoMALIE 101

So I realized the post dedicated to my brother marked my one-hundred and fiftieth entry.
I had originally prepared a "special" post to occupy that space (I've had this saved on my flash drive since 2005 when I did it as an exercise to come up with short-story plot lines--uh-oh, I just gave up one of my strategies-- I just tweaked it up for 2007) but I guess it'll have to settle for post number one-hundred fifty... third?

It's the first day of October... the nightmare month of September is over... and now I probably won't have to write anything for the next week! (Yey! Hooray!)
This shit should keep you busy. Enjoy!
(This should also eliminate the need for you to ask me any more questions... ever. J/k)

An entry level course (ok, maybe it's just 101 factoids) on the subject that is AnoMALIE:

1. I was born on a Friday night… March 1st. For Catholics, that day is known as "El día del Señor de los Guerreros," aka the day of the patron saint of the warriors. That explains a lot.

2. During my earlier years of life, there was a bit of confusion when it came to my actual birth date. Some family members swore up and down that I was born February 29th-- no matter how much I explained to them that leap year had occurred the year PRIOR to my birth.

3. I'm a born and raised Las Vegan. I've lived my entire life here.

4. Well, except for 6 months which I lived in Mexico… some very unfortunate events led me there i.e. Dad was fired, parents were broke, I was 7, so we left to my folk's Mexican hometown. I ended up going to school there for a while. Worst 6 months of my life… I got slapped with a ruler one day because I had dirty hands after recess. Crappy rule I wasn't aware of until that day.

5. Some very fortunate events led Dad to become a very blessed entrepreneur… and so… we're no longer broke, to say the least… and if given the opportunity, I'd study in Mexico again (UNAM!!).

6. Oh yeah, I'm Mexican. Well... not 100% since I was born in Vegas, but I always find that I refer to myself as "a Mexican" rather than a "Mexican-American" or "Chicana" (forever a gangster term in my head) or even "American." I really have to TRY in order to say I'm an American.

7. I didn't sleep in a bed-- much less have my own room-- until I was 14. From the moment Mom removed me from the crib (once Little Sister was born) I was forced to sleep in the living room on this very uncomfortable sofa bed. This grew to be a problem once I entered middle school and I’d have assignments where I had to describe my room. I was always embarrassed to admit I didn’t have a room to call my own… or to even share, for that matter.

8. I need to hug something as I sleep due to the fact that I always had my little sister up on me as we slept while growing up. She was scared of the sounds of the ghetto (and who am I kidding, so was I. I'm not too fond of gun shots and shouting) so she'd hug on to me and I was too nice to tell her to get the fuck off me.

9. The thing I usually hug on to at night is a Pound Puppy (named Coby) Dad brought me when I was 2 (my brother got one too). The dogs came in these boxes that made it look like they were in the pound. My bro and I didn't like that, so we got Mom's wooden meat tenderizer and smashed the shit out of the boxes. That left Coby homeless, so I had to carry him everywhere. He now travels with me everywhere. I can't sleep without him near.

10. I also used to require the sound of the television to sleep. This goes back to my ghetto days, when Mom would have to sit in the love seat next to my sofa bed each night before I went to bed… and the television sound would help drown out the sirens... screams… car alarms… you know, sounds of the hood. It took a while to get accustomed to sleep in silence.

11. My first language was Spanish, but my first English word was spoken at the age of three. The lucky word was "Fuck" and I even made a song about it. I bet that didn't come as a shock to you.

12. Mom's a Catholic and Dad's Pentecostal. This has made me very tolerant of other people's beliefs (or lack thereof)… but I will make fun sometimes. In regards to my views, I'm Catholic... kind of a bad one, but still a Catholic… and I don't enjoy people's attempts to convert me to anything else.

13. I rarely take communion, and it's even rarer when I go to confessionals. Why? Because this ex-priest of mine loved chastising me... he was mean. The man once told me I was going to prison during one of my confessions. I felt horrible... I was speechless... and confused. What the hell was his problem? I only said I sometimes wished bad things to happen to bad people... like for them to lose their hair!

14. I have this… weird habit… where I suck my bottom lip while caressing my earlobe (I also can't help but touch other people's earlobes sometimes. I see some that have this… look to them and I have to touch. And no, this doesn't mean I like others touching MY earlobes). I've been doing that since I can remember. For this little habit of mine, I blame the fact that Mom never gave me a pacifier as a toddler.

15. I was petrified by the thought of the end of the world and/or aliens as a kid. I still get terrified by movies with those two subjects. I'll have nightmares and I'll probably cry if I put much thought into it. I have Dad and his brother to thank for this phobia. They talked about it 24/7, 365 in the early 90's. Dad still loves mentioning the end of the world whenever he sees something on TV about tsunamis, earthquakes, incurable diseases, gay rights, etc.

16. The men I'm typically attracted to tend to be shorter than me. I blame Freud for that (you see, while my dad is almost six feet tall, the man who raised me when I was a kid is my mom's bro, who's a shorty like Mommy).

17. I'm ONLY 5'8"... so you see where my problem lies (the guys will be hardcore shorties!).

18. I asked a sophomore to Senior Prom. God… the trauma that ensued. It took me around three years to recover from all the drama that really stupid decision led to… but now I can really laugh about it.

19. For a painfully shy girl, I’m pretty gutsy when it comes to approaching guys I like. I have no clue why that is, but man, do I wish I could get rid of this trait.

20. I failed my driving permit exam the day of my Senior Prom (it was the second time I took the exam. The first time I passed it—to get my permit—but I just let my permit sit for a year, so I had to renew my permit and that's when I failed).

21. Upset does not do justice to how I felt that day (May 10th, 2003)… Hell. No. I spent the day crying in a bathtub while listening to Christina Aguilera as the rest of my family was at a Sweet 16 party and my friends were at Prom. Shitty day. Shit, shit, shitty!

22. I got my first kiss at age 6, by a 6-year-old boy who was a first cousin to my first cousin, but he was not related to me (he went on to become a drug addict, went to rehab, got engaged, became a drug addict again, broke his engagement, then became a drug dealer).

23. One of my ex-boyfriends went to jail for murder (so I guess I have a thing for bad boys). I loved the kid… he was awesome… but he tried too hard to get others to like him. He got me out of trouble with many female gangsters that hated my guts because I was a "nerd," and he was never, ever, ever mean to me.

24. I'm terrified of commitment because I don't enjoy getting hurt. I'll do anything to avoid it, so I prefer to stay alone. How long I'll keep that up I have no clue… but I'm getting used to solitude.

25. My heart was broken the most severely back when I was in tenth grade by a guy I had loved since fourth grade.

26. I left him because he impregnated a whore... no, not an actual one, just a sleazy ass bitch, on Valentine's day 2001. Prior to that event, I would have married him, really, at the drop of a dime... but betrayal like that is unforgivable.

27. The pain of losing this imbecile lasted from 2001 until 2005… I would crush on guys… but sadly, they were never on the same level of attraction as this retard.

28. When I first saw him holding his baby, with his baby's momma at his side, I passed out. That's what I do when I'm very upset/angry, I pass out… like a narcoleptic.

29. My last "boyfriend" was a Greek dude who supposedly had it bad for me. I detest the phone, but for those couple of months I was with him, I couldn't drop it (I would even willingly listen to him rap to me. What the fuck was wrong with me?).

30. The Greek dude was sweet at times. He even made me a mix CD of hip/hop songs (ewwww). He ruined the relationship once he threatened me over the phone ("Give me one reason not to hurt you…" was all he said. I immediately changed my mailbox to say "Fuck you, mother fucker!" never to answer his calls again) because I was too busy to answer him ASAP. I guess he didn't know that I have ZERO tolerance for any sort of violence in a relationship. ZERO.

31. I'm a Manchester United (mainly), UNAM Pumas, Barcelona, Mexico squad, and Portugal squad soccer fan. Holler!! I follow most sports… just not hockey or rugby (I tried getting into rugby, but that shit's brutal! Hockey just bores me).

32. I have an older brother. He's the reason I like sports, play sports, and get along with guys. But we fight a lot... I guess that's only because he's 17 months older than me… it's like an unwritten law that you have to fight with someone that close to your age.

33. Older Brother graduated basic training from the Army on September 13, 2001. We drove to Fort Sill for his graduation on September 11, 2001 (and the entire trip I spent it reading George Orwell's 1984 as a school assignment). I felt like I was on valium the entire time I was there. I think back to those days and they still feel so… hazy… in slow motion... and unreal. I've never been so scared, sad, proud, excited, and happy at the same time.

34. George Orwell's 1984 hold a special place in my heart… a book has never had such a profound effect on me, and I doubt another one ever will.

35. I hate politics. I love history. Does that make me boring?

36. I have a younger sister who is two and a half years younger than me and she's your typical younger sibling: pretty, spunky, and attention calling… which makes me your typical moody middle child.

37. I've never been too comfortable around my little sis because family has always gushed over her, while they just ignore me as if I were made out of wood. That used to hurt at first… now it's just annoying. It also makes it very hard for me to take compliments well. I always think people are being ironic, cynical, fake... or just assholes. Oh well.

38. I've taught catechism at a well-known Catholic school on Saturday nights since I was 14.

39. My Saturday nights are eternal and lonely... I wonder why I haven't tried drugs yet.

40. I used to be a Raver from 8th grade till... 12th... but hard core in 10th grade. I was annoying... wore big pants... weird hair... lots of bracelets… the works. In the summer of 2000, I found a really hot, very smart, and very sweet DJ called Victor... to whom I lied to by telling him I was a year older because he was 5 years older than me. I was best friends with him until he became engaged to a Low Rider Magazine model.

41. I strongly believe in karma.

42. For some reason I am unaware of, many a female waitress/server/fast food worker has hit on me. They've paid for my meals, given me 75% off on meals, or just extra free desert out of nowhere... while winking at me. I have nothing against homosexuals or bisexuals... but I don't swing that way.

43. I have been accused of being gay/bi because I don't make a big deal when it comes to meeting guys/dating guys/being with guys and I also don't really like hanging out with "girly girls." I don't even try to defend myself anymore. Think what you like, assholes.

44. My first pets were three bunnies when I was in 7th grade. One was straight, one was bi, the third was hardcore gay. They were the noisiest creatures ever.

45. Talking about gay (I kid)... I've gone to 3 Backstreet Boys concerts. Last one being the summer of '05 (so sue me, bitch).

46. I used to be madly in love with AJ McLean. Now I'm just madly in love with Cristiano Ronaldo. I'd do him anytime, anywhere… he's… MmMmm.

47. I have never met a celebrity. My sister has met Ludacris, Nas, Keifer Sutherland, O-town... and various Spanish bands (even Ricardo Arjona!). Me: none. What I do takes skill in this city.

48. My first concert was the New York Philharmonic back in eight grade.

49. I was a latchkey kid. My siblings and I never messed with the stove or opened the door to strangers… or relatives for that matter. I blame my inability to cook on this whole "You can't touch the stove while I'm away" rule of my childhood days. I still don't open the door, even if they ring the doorbell. Old habits die hard.

50. I peed my pants in 1st grade during reading time... I was wearing shiny, purple SPANDEX at the time. I took that incident like a man and didn't cry. I just acted as if my classmates were the ones with the problem and waited for Mom to come to school with a fresh pair of pants. I never wore Spandex again.

51. I was beat up in 4th grade on a daily basis.... the bullies were supposedly my friends and I was taught to never swing at a friend. Someone should beat me up now for being such a dickhead back then. But thanks to this, I'm distrusting of everyone… and I swing back if anyone ever touches me.

52. For some reason, short girls and Latinas always pick fights with me. No idea why that is... I'm a damn gentle giant!

53. Two people got killed in front of my old house... on different occasions. There were many more killed around the neighborhood, I'd see them on my way to/from the bus stop. I'd just walk around the dead bodies in the morning on my way to school like all the other kids. This only happened because I lived in an area known as Meadows Village aka "Naked City" since birth until I was 14.

54. I saw a pimp slap his hoe while screaming "Bitch, where's my money?!" when I was in 4th grade and waiting for the school bus... very, very funny... very, very sad, and nothing like how it's depicted on T.V.

55. I was obsessed with gangsters from age 9-14.

56. I can no longer keep track of how many of my elementary school/middle school friends have had babies... or gotten married… it makes me sad each time one of them succumbs to adulthood. A little piece of me dies.

57. I'm very random (I've been told I make weird correlations) and my mind wanders often.

58. I donate my hair every two years or so. I grow it out and then snip it off. This usually causes a stir in my extended family because (they're Mexican, and...) they hate short hair and I get comments like "Why'd you do that?! I loved your hair before, it was so pretty!" Pisses me off just a little... why the hell wasn't I informed my hair had fans PRIOR to cutting it all off?

59. I think saving yourself for marriage is a waste. Men don't do it… so the double standard really pisses me off… plus… most guys don't even appreciate/deserve such a thing.

60. That being said, I'll confess a deep, dark secret (relax, it's not that serious): I'm a virgin (so I guess this makes me a better Catholic than I thought), but no, not because I'm saving myself for marriage (maybe not such a great Catholic after all). Someone call Ripley's… a virgin in Vegas! Actually, no, don't do that… there are people out there who'd try to sacrifice me to volcano gods.

61. And ta-da!! AnoMALIE is yet to become pregnant or contract an STD (one of the reasons I've held off for so long… I hate the damn "promiscuous Mexican girl who gets knocked up at a young age" stereotype. No one's calling me a hoe!)... not even a cold sore. However, don't get it twisted. Just because I don't participate in the game doesn't mean I don't know how it's played (remember, I have an older brother and a ton of male cousins. I've heard/seen some shit I wish I hadn't). I've done my homework... not much can make me blush.

62. I always said that if I hit the age of 30, and was still unmarried, I'd have a kid. I no longer think that'll happen. I don't want to be responsible for messing up a kid like that.

63. I am sarcastic... very... to the point where I can annoy... and I try to refrain from doing so... but it's so hard!

64. I registered as a democrat even though I am very conservative. However, I see myself as a moderate… and I vote every chance I get (my polling station's at a fire station… it's a damn treat each time I vote).

65. The treadmill and I have a love/hate relationship. I love it for a while... but then I forget it exists... hence why I'm a yo-yo dieter... or... is it... exerciser?

66. I have some sort of social anxiety. I hate being in social events for too long, even church.

67. I wring my hands, tear my lip, and tear up my fingers when nervous… oh, and let's not forget vomiting.

68. I stopped eating like a normal person back in seventh grade… and I entered the realm of anorexia my freshman year of high school (but not to the extent that these runway models have taken it! God, no!). Nowadays, you cannot tell for shit that I was anorexic.

69. I'm just barely getting used to knowing how it feels like when I'm hungry. That probably sounds really weird, but I never really knew when my body was telling me I was hungry… and I'd ignore it thinking it was a stomach ache (I had a ton of "stomach aches" throughout middle school and high school… and college).

70. I have very strange eating habits. I didn't participate in breakfast until I was a freshman in college… there's a lot of food I don't like… I need to take vitamins because of my lack of a balanced diet (I'd faint a lot before I was put on these bad boys)… and eating in front of others is something I strongly dislike. So to sum this all up: I don't really like food… I don't enjoy eating… and food's a pretty sore subject for me.

71. I've gained 30 pounds in one summer… and lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. Damn eating disorders.

72. My throwing up record is 20 times in 6 hours. I get nervous and anxious prior to huge exams and just... vomit until my pancreas spills out more bile than I'd like to taste and my body gets too tired to lift my head out of the toilet.

73. I thought about committing suicide in 9th grade... pretty often... because I was clinically depressed my first two years of high school; and while I'm better now, I still have some very bad days sometimes.

74. While I've lived a somewhat sad life… I still do my best to make others laugh and make it look like I'm a regular, happy-go-lucky girl… and I really wouldn't change anything in my past. Why? Because I have more street-cred than any rapper in the industry today… well, besides 50 cent.

75. I can't say "physician," "decision," "position," and many other words ending with that sound... I get tongue tied thanks to my Mexican accent that decides to peak its ugly head at the most inappropriate times.

76. In high school I took as many AP exams as were available to me... all but government. I hated the subject and saw it as a waste of time. In total, I took seven exams: two my junior year (U.S. History, English Language), and five my senior year (Calculus, English Lit, Spanish, French, and Chemistry). This made me the chick who took the most AP exams in my high school (the school was 2 years old, so it wasn't a huge feat), and it also made me "the crazy girl taking all those AP exams" amongst the school teachers.

77. Je parle un peut de francaise. (4 years of it in high school and that's the most of it)

78. Hablo muchisimo Español. But you'll never hear me call a boyfriend "Papi." That's so dirty to me. Just the thought bothers me like crazy!

79. I'm very much computer illiterate... yet I own a PDA.

80. I go through phases where I become addicted to certain things… more like, obsessive. Then I catch myself and feel stupid/embarrassed about it for a year.

81. My 6th grade science teacher was sent to jail for possession of child pornography.

82. I have served only one detention in my life... it was for that man... and I was scared shitless (but I didn't even know about his illegal "hobbies" at the time).

83. I can't stand people who smoke. It's an absolutely disgusting habit that makes me very angry.

84. I enjoy hard liquor, but hate beer with a passion… and still… I don't really drink because a little bit of tequila turns me into a horribly mean, dancing hoe… or a very chill Einstein… both personalities bug me and make me feel stupid the next day.

85. I love most that is art related (I draw, photograph, and write)… but please, no Picasso!! He may be from my ancestor's hometown, but I fucking hate his art. I also don't like people who lift other people's work and try to pass it off as their own.

86. I cried with Bambi, Lion King, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, and Mulan... but not with Lilo and Stitch... horrible, horrible movie.

87. I've yet to hold a paying job. My folks never let me get one as a teenager… and now they fear I might fall in love with some co-worker, get knocked up, and ruin my life. So… I'm… destined to be forever unemployed.

88. I will some day travel to Italy, France, Spain, Australia, the Philippines, Greece, Great Britain, and Japan. Those are musts... but I'll try to cover as much land as possible.

89. I received only one C in my grade school career... that was algebra 1 honors, in 8th grade, second semester. I spent my time in class writing stories with my best friend at the time. That grade haunted me all throughout high school.

90. I sing in the shower… I sing in the car… I sing when I'm drunk… but I never said I was good.

91. I visited a zoo for the first time in May of 2006. It was the San Diego Zoo, during that one holiday that occurs that month, and I was ecstatic! Long live huge birds of prey!! (and polar bears!)

92. I visited the Ocean, for the first time in my life, the first week of July 2005. It was Mazatlan, Sinaloa, Mexico and I went with my godson, his little brother, and their mom. I wasn't as ecstatic then. I hate the smell... but not the sound or the view. I did think it was overrated. Big time.

93. I am super fond of cussing. I've tried cutting back for years now. I've made it my... lent resolution to quit cussing for the 40 days since I was in seventh grade, but I always break it within the first week. This love of cussing even cost me credit for my French AP exam… I cussed and spoke in English (fuck… find?? and I also muttered I’m such a fucking idiot) and that invalidated my score. Way to go, AnoMALIE!

94. I majored in Biology... mainly out of stubbornness (I'm pretty good at it when I try) and it being forced upon me by my folks. I love/hate it at the same time… and now I find myself in a mid-life (yes, because I'm only going to live to be 44 with the way I've treated my body) crisis thinking I'll never do biology again.

95. My folks only went up to sixth grade, that's why they're so stuck on me getting educated... although my folks didn't do too bad for only going so far.

96. I have failed 2 classes in college: Mammalian Physiology and Biochemistry II. It was the Spring of 2006... and the most miserable time of my life. I cried for 2 months. I recovered in about 6 months. I re-took the classes a year later and passed.

97. I also got a D in Molecular Biology Fall 2006, but it counted for some credit... so I wasn't too devastated over it… but I'm still re-taking it this semester.

98. I develop instant crushes on men once they make me laugh. Bad habit… since it's not too difficult to make me crack a smile. The weirdest crush I have? Tom Selleck (his porntastic 'stache has a lot to do with it, too).

99. I took my MCAT my eighth semester of college. I had made a promise when it came to going to med school… I didn't meet my own standards… so I decided I'm not going to go. The stress played a role in my decision as well. I get pretty messed up when it comes to prepping myself up for exams, but I explained this one previously.

100. I love writing... I've written over 100K words worth of short stories… and I've been told I do a decent job (when I try). I'm just scared of pursuing it because not too many people succeed.

101. I live to make people happy. It's my number one priority... and while it's sometimes bad for me (because I sometimes don't make myself happy) I'll do it anyways. I think that's why I was so fascinated by Amelie... my favorite movie of all time (second favorite is El Laberinto del Fauno… Ofelia broke my heart like no one else has).

Three pop quizzes will be given on the subject… final exams will only be administered on people AnoMALIE deems fit.