Adopt-an-AnoMALIE

So it's only been a day since my siblings left me to be an only-child in America (they now call me the Europe-less Sister... that sucks balls), and I've already gotten offers to be adopted.

I feel the love!

No, they won't be my parents, they'll be my adoptive siblings (come on now, I'm Mexican... I can't live without having someone to fight with or scream at... then make-up with by eating beef-jerky while watching the other one play video games. Ok, correction, I can't live in Las Vegas without someone to do all that. When I'm alone in Mexico or any United States state that isn't Nevada, I do fucking fantastic).

The offers have been nice, and from people I've known forever (one offer was creepy as shit though. It was from this guy I haven't spoken to since I graduated high school... and he sent me a text at 11 in the morning yesterday offering to be my adoptive brother without me saying anything about it first. The way he puts things, I think he may want to turn incestuous on me... the gross bastard. I still agreed for him to be my lunch partner... what a fucking bad idea... but hey, it's food, right? I tend to forget to eat when I'm sad, anyway. Like yesterday, I only had a breakfast burrito... and liquids the rest of the day. I didn't catch myself doing that until after coming home from the gym and feeling light-headed and seeing I was pale as all hell. And today, I've only eaten one oatmeal cookie and my daily vitamin with OJ).

I know with what task each "sibling" will help me out (playing guitar hero, going to the movies, going to the gym, etc, etc), but I still don't have someone who will:

1) Eat sushi with me (noooooooooooo!!)
2) Gossip in Spanish about the jerks from Hometown (sister always did this when she came back from work. I'm going to cry now...)
3) Rough-house me
4) Kick me out of their room by screaming "Go to your own fucking room!! It's not my fault you don't have a television!!"
5) Go bra/underwear shopping with me (I make Little Sister pick out my stuff... she has an eye for nice underwear. I usually just go for whatever's closest to my hand. I've had countless bad experiences at VS, and I don't want to repeat them. I just have Little Sister sneak her way in and find me some nice garments)
6) Drive me to the mall on a whim
7) Go with me to get their eyebrows threaded (I'm addicted)
8) Let me borrow their lap top to steal wireless internet from the neighbors (I guess it's no more Youtube for me, now. Lame ass dial-up internet)

I'm sure there are more... but those are the ones most urgent to me.

I'm so fucking bummed out, you guys.
:[
(And to fucking kill it, I have to accompany Mom to see "Mama Mia" today. WTF. I hate musicals. HATE!)