While the people in the dream tend to change, the location doesn't.
It's a lake... hidden by some New England-y forest. I follow a winding river to this hidden lake... and in the process, spend it playing around with whoever is with me for that dream.
I laugh a lot in the dream... and I feel this... very weird joy (like, I feel my chest is going to explode because I'm so happy. I know that sounds weird... but that's the best I can do).
Once I get to the lake, we all (now that I think about it, the only girl I've ever seen in these dreams, besides me, is Little Sister) get in and do things like cliff dive (others do that. I've never ever ever been a fan of diving. Never ever ever) or just float on our backs (I don't mind doing that).
Then I wake up and feel... sorrow, for days.
??
This dream has shown up so often now, that I'm starting to see it as a nightmare.
It's thanks to that dream that I woke up this morning at 6 AM and couldn't go back to bed... even after having only slept for three hours.
I'm blaming it on how irritated/irate I became yesterday after hearing something that really upset me (I'd be lying if I said I didn't cry yesterday when I found out what happened and what was said). I was planning on talking in depth about this problem... but fuck that. I'm tired of always having to mediate some sort of argument on my journal/blog... and if not that, then I have to "Defend" myself for, well, being myself.
I'm sick of it.
Don't like what I have to say? Then click that nice little X on the upper right hand corner of your screen.
It is as simple as that.
(I had originally written something very... scathing... but erased it, since I've decided to squash this little problem. The important thing here is that people tried to make the guy understand he was wrong... and I feel good knowing strangers defended me. So, with that said... God Bless, weird guy that gets easily offended and misinterprets things, I forgive any bad intentions/ill-will you had towards me. Like my mom says "Que haiga un tonto y no dos." I hope you learn to be a little less misogynistic, it does the body good).
It's either that issue that's giving me this horrible nightmare... or Body Pump's new "cool-down" song.
What song is it?
Hurt, by new mommy, X-tina.
Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I want to call you but I know you won't be there
I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you
Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just want to hide 'cause it's you I miss
You know it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this
Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back
Who the hell thought that was going to be a good song to have a final stretch to... after enduring 50 minutes of nothing but techno remixes?
Silly Body Pump creators...
I think I burn some serious calories in my efforts to keep from crying my ass off during that song.
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