License to *fill in blank*

So... I am now an old lady.

God... that's so upsetting.
At least now, they won't give me so much shit at concerts/clubs thinking I have some sort of fake ID.

Let's inspect the differences between young, teenaged AnoMALIE (Why do I suddenly feel sad realizing I'm no longer a teen?!?!) up top, and the OLD, 4-years later, college graduate AnoMALIE to your right:

- The hair.
Boy... was it messed up for the '04 picture!
I was so frazzled... so irritated.
Ok, I'll confess... I failed the first time I tried... and this second time I was so nervous... and disheartened, that I didn't give a shit about the way my hair looked for this damn test (I thought I was going to fail, anyway).
The first time, I had some paranoid, 9-months pregnant cabrona that was so fucking panic-y.

Bitch, if you're so worried about getting in a wreck, why the fuck are you still doing this job? Why don't you play it safe and stay at a counter? Not in a car with... teenaged drivers. You only make us increasingly nervous with the added fear of killing an unborn baby, Einsten.

She failed EVERYONE that day. How do I know? The lady that passed me told me so.

"You shouldn't feel so bad. Lindsay failed everyone"
Who the fuck is Lindsay?
"...the lady who failed you yesterday."
"Oh... the lady who said I supposedly hit the barrel with my back tire?"
"Yeah, she's just been a little nervous... and grumpy. But she had her baby today, so everything's going to go back to normal."

Yeah... right.

Anyway... my hair was nasty that day... I passed... so I had to grin and bear it (funny, since in the picture, my face was so... relieved-looking with the weakest smiled imaginable) for the cameraman.
The new one though... my hair looks pimp. It's sleek and nice, if only it werent for that pesky little strand of bangs that didn't want to cooperate and decided to slide forward.

- The eyebrows.
Goodness... the atrocity that those '04 eyebrows were!
Don't they make me look mean? Sheesh.
My '08 brows though... I'm pretty happy with them. They make me look calm-ish, right?
Good thing they weren't my usual thick ones, huh, Travelindin? I threaded them thin just for you (I lie, the lady that did them yesterday was so intimidating, I just said "Uhh... just... whatever you think looks nice..." and she did that. Mom's SO happy with them... like if they were on her own face).

- My ears
Both pictures... they're still fucked up and hella retarded looking.
I hate my ears.

- The camera's proximity to my face
Why the hell is it so zoomed in on the new one? Ew. Too. Much. Face.

- The restrictions
2004 AnoMALIE had no restrictions... now... I'm a foureyes that has a restriction. Shit. I'm old.


What I realized while standing in line at the DMV, is that each time I'm going to have to renew my picture, it'll be in the winter... so I'll have some bulky ass sweater on. Booo!
Also... I was tempted to change my height to 5'9"... just for shits and giggles... because we all know AnoMALIE is but a measly 5'8," I'm such a dwarf.

But hey... at least I now have an old-person driver's license... all horizontal like... and without that damn yellow bar that screams at people "I'm not legally allowed to consume alcohol yet!!"

This is the life.

***

To celebrate me waking up early to go to the DMV, I went to work with Mom.
From there, we went to buy suff for work at Sam's Club... and got to enjoy the perks of being a "Business Member."
You get to shop a whopping 3 hours before the general plebes... or I mean, members.
It's eerily quiet in there with only business owners crawling all over the place.

Anyway, when we got back to work to stock the place up with our newly purchased items, Mom freaks out:
"I forgot the Ding Dongs, AnoMALIE! I forgot the Ding Dongs!!"
"Oh..."
"How could we forget about the Ding Dongs, AnoMALIE?"
"I don't know... I wouldn't know anything about ding dongs..."

I didn't pay attention to what I had said... until my 28-year-old cousin, who works there, started to laugh (I told you I was gifted when it came to that type of shit).

I guess I win "understatement of the month" award.
(although... histologically/biologically, I know plenty about "ding dongs." Some of the proper tissue names still reverberate in my head from time to time... out of the blue, obviously... but still. I know plenty... just not... in that other sense)