I think I'll call this month "Allegedly-on-time August." I just can't seem to update on time. My bad.
I AM proud that I actually out-did myself and updated 32 times for the month of July... though technically that extra post I would have preferred to have never happened-- Tyson's death post.
Anyway... my Friday was quite lovely... even if I was frustrated for probably three hours... pacing back and forth like a caged lion... but that's just typical for me.
I'm going through a phase, where I'm trying SO HARD not to be the mean bitch my conscious is telling me to be. I am SO irritated... and frustrated... but I don't act out because I pretty much brought this upon myself. Instead of lashing out and being the cold-hearted cunt I CAN be (need I remind you of my post where I talked about my bitch reaction to the poor pyrotechnic kid back when I was seven? I can be cruel as fuck when fed-up), I shut up.
I need to learn the proper balance between being nice and being... umm... honest?
What I mean is: I try too damn hard to spare feelings, I usually wind up irritated and... frustrated.
When I don't like someone AT ALL... not even as a person, I have no problem being honest and telling them to fuck off. However, when I think they're alright, and they have the potential to make me laugh/think, I lose the ability to tell them "Dude, back up. Can you shut the fuck up real quick?"
Instead, I stew in my irritation... and say really mean shit in my head... which usually gets me to wonder how the fuck I come up with such cruel words... yeah, I guess you could say I sit there and harbor resentment.
Since I plan on NEVER saying this in person, let me just jot it down here and get it off my chest:
If I IGNORE your invitation to hang out "alone" not once, or twice, but THREE times, it's safe to say I DON'T want to hang out with you. Failing to acknowledge your invite THREE times is my painfully obvious sign for you to NOT DO THAT AGAIN. I DON'T in any way, shape, or form, want to be "alone" with you... EVER. Never. No. Just stop. Please. Shhhhh! No more!
It's something simple like that... but it's what kept me from having a great day. I'd sit back and the thought would eat away at me... to the point where I would catch myself getting angry.
DUDE! Please... just PLEASE use your head, son! I'm a college-educated "good girl."
You smoke like a chimney. Know how many times I've smoked? Maybe four times... and those were all when I was under the age of 13. I HATE that shit. WITH A MOTHERFUCKING FIREY PASSION! Smoke around me, and I'll fucking lose my shit. It takes every ounce of self-control in my body not to smash the fucking shit out of your mouth the moment I see you whip out a cigarette in my presence. And it doesn't matter if you quit... you've chain-smoked for so long, your lungs are shit. Call me selfish, but I sure as fuck don't want to deal with that shit.
You boast about all the hard drugs you have tried/were addicted to. Know how many times I've done some drug? ZERO. ZEEEEEROHHHHH! Not even prescription drugs, for fucks sake! Now, don't get me wrong here, I APPLAUD those who beat an addiction... that takes some fucking dedication... and I will never remove my friendship from someone who has dealt with/is dealing with a vice like that... but to go from that to me "dating" you is a LONG-ASS SHOT. SO. FUCKING. LONG. I mean... I would probably only accept Johnny Depp here... and even then, I'd think about all that smoking... and those disgusting teeth of his, and I'd probably just tell him to have a nice life. I'm also not an uptight stupid little bitch, either... I mean, weed and small shit like that I pass... as long as you do that shit AWAY from me, but shit like heroin and meth? COME ON, BRO! NO.
You're... divorced? I'm A VIRGIN! COME ON!!!! COME THE FUCK ON! N-OH. Never. MOVE ON. GO. BYE. NO!
Basically: I have a super clean slate... damn near fucking immaculate. You, on the other hand... have had SEVERAL fuck ups.
Let me fuck up a few times... like... A LOT of times... then maybe... if I don't decide to just kill myself, I'll go... nah man, not even. Never gonna happen. Peace.
K. It's off my chest now.
I AM proud that I actually out-did myself and updated 32 times for the month of July... though technically that extra post I would have preferred to have never happened-- Tyson's death post.
Anyway... my Friday was quite lovely... even if I was frustrated for probably three hours... pacing back and forth like a caged lion... but that's just typical for me.
I'm going through a phase, where I'm trying SO HARD not to be the mean bitch my conscious is telling me to be. I am SO irritated... and frustrated... but I don't act out because I pretty much brought this upon myself. Instead of lashing out and being the cold-hearted cunt I CAN be (need I remind you of my post where I talked about my bitch reaction to the poor pyrotechnic kid back when I was seven? I can be cruel as fuck when fed-up), I shut up.
I need to learn the proper balance between being nice and being... umm... honest?
What I mean is: I try too damn hard to spare feelings, I usually wind up irritated and... frustrated.
When I don't like someone AT ALL... not even as a person, I have no problem being honest and telling them to fuck off. However, when I think they're alright, and they have the potential to make me laugh/think, I lose the ability to tell them "Dude, back up. Can you shut the fuck up real quick?"
Instead, I stew in my irritation... and say really mean shit in my head... which usually gets me to wonder how the fuck I come up with such cruel words... yeah, I guess you could say I sit there and harbor resentment.
Since I plan on NEVER saying this in person, let me just jot it down here and get it off my chest:
If I IGNORE your invitation to hang out "alone" not once, or twice, but THREE times, it's safe to say I DON'T want to hang out with you. Failing to acknowledge your invite THREE times is my painfully obvious sign for you to NOT DO THAT AGAIN. I DON'T in any way, shape, or form, want to be "alone" with you... EVER. Never. No. Just stop. Please. Shhhhh! No more!
It's something simple like that... but it's what kept me from having a great day. I'd sit back and the thought would eat away at me... to the point where I would catch myself getting angry.
DUDE! Please... just PLEASE use your head, son! I'm a college-educated "good girl."
You smoke like a chimney. Know how many times I've smoked? Maybe four times... and those were all when I was under the age of 13. I HATE that shit. WITH A MOTHERFUCKING FIREY PASSION! Smoke around me, and I'll fucking lose my shit. It takes every ounce of self-control in my body not to smash the fucking shit out of your mouth the moment I see you whip out a cigarette in my presence. And it doesn't matter if you quit... you've chain-smoked for so long, your lungs are shit. Call me selfish, but I sure as fuck don't want to deal with that shit.
You boast about all the hard drugs you have tried/were addicted to. Know how many times I've done some drug? ZERO. ZEEEEEROHHHHH! Not even prescription drugs, for fucks sake! Now, don't get me wrong here, I APPLAUD those who beat an addiction... that takes some fucking dedication... and I will never remove my friendship from someone who has dealt with/is dealing with a vice like that... but to go from that to me "dating" you is a LONG-ASS SHOT. SO. FUCKING. LONG. I mean... I would probably only accept Johnny Depp here... and even then, I'd think about all that smoking... and those disgusting teeth of his, and I'd probably just tell him to have a nice life. I'm also not an uptight stupid little bitch, either... I mean, weed and small shit like that I pass... as long as you do that shit AWAY from me, but shit like heroin and meth? COME ON, BRO! NO.
You're... divorced? I'm A VIRGIN! COME ON!!!! COME THE FUCK ON! N-OH. Never. MOVE ON. GO. BYE. NO!
Basically: I have a super clean slate... damn near fucking immaculate. You, on the other hand... have had SEVERAL fuck ups.
Let me fuck up a few times... like... A LOT of times... then maybe... if I don't decide to just kill myself, I'll go... nah man, not even. Never gonna happen. Peace.
K. It's off my chest now.
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