Fuck.
I once again have chola eyebrows:
Not too long ago, my eyebrow lady was giving me thick, middle-eastern metrosexual eyebrows,
and now it appears she realized I'm actually a Mexican girl... and she gave me the eyebrows Mexican-American girls are given in movies.
Just another "Happy Birthday Weekend, AnoMALIE!" moment.
(I'll get a big "702" tattoo across my stomach to help me embrace my new look)
Anyway.
I'm celebrating my last weekend of being 25 by going to a bachelorette party... no, no, it's not that... it's a "bridal party."
I went shopping for the damn thing last night, since the party is this afternoon.
I almost had a fucking heart attack when I checked out the gift registry.
I knew Bed Bath and Beyond was a little pricey (one of the two places the bride is registered)... but Macy's (the other place she's registered)... that place... I was literally screaming as I scrolled down the list (I was in my room, making the selection before heading out to the store. Something told me I was going to be fighting the urge to strangle something while looking over the list, so I preferred to be in the comfort of my room where people couldn't see/hear me flipping out).
WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE THINKING?!
WHAAAAAT?!
500 DOLLARS?! WHAT THE HELL?!
YOU'RE CRAZY, BITCH!
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?!
MOM!!! LOOK AT THIS!
Think I'm exaggerating?
Check this out.
And this.
Oh boy, look at this (this one ALMOST made me spill my hot tea all over my lap)!
But the winner was this one.
There was shit like a $120 electric razor, $90 fondue sets, $170 "touch screen" crock pot (crock of mother fucking shit, if you ask me. WHAT THE FUCK is that about?! Calm the fuck down, Wolfgang Puck!), $200 pressure cooker, TWO $140 juicers (REALLY?! REALLY?! You drink that much natural juice? You DON'T fool me with that bullshit! Go to Jamba Juice, asshole!).
You know what... fuck it. I'll link it here.
The somewhat logical, sane registry at BBandB.
And the absolutely preposterous, full of fucking shit registry at Macy's.
Don't just check out the item's price... but also the QUANTITY.
I think you all can figure out this lovely cousin's personality based on her list.
Am I the only one who finds it frivolous and outrageous?
With kitchen appliances that expensive... I'm assuming Hubert Keller and Iron Chef Bobby Flay ain't got shit on her.
Or she thinks she's freakin' Beyonce... getting married to Jay-Z.
I can see when you can demand shit of that price when you're a celebrity or member of some aristocratic family... when you've been raised accustomed to such luxurious items (a seventy-dollar trash can?? Really?! That's just... my brain nearly explodes with that. And people wonder why they're in debt... maybe if you quit spending 70-fucking-dollars on a motherfucking TRASHCAN!). But... none of us were. Our parents were illegal immigrants who worked their way up the ladder after decades of backbreaking labor. All our shit came from the Swap Meet... quit acting like your sensitive skin knows about thread count.
Ok... so that ruined my Friday night. I was furious.
Mom got her the $200 set of pots (I won't take credit for that. All I did was show Mom the registry and help her decide which would be the better buy in the long run. 200 dollars for a set of 13 pots is quite reasonable, if you ask me).
Now all I have to do is kill my Saturday by attending this party later today.
Hopefully by then, I won't be cynical and angry over my cousin's gift registry.
Hopefully... since I still went to bed cursing $70 trashcans, and I woke up mocking $120 juicers.
I once again have chola eyebrows:
 |
| Wicked arch. |
 |
| Is that Oscar the Grouch?! |
 |
| Well, there has to be SOME relation there, right? |
 |
| smoking's bad... mmmkay? |
 |
| Chola... or rockabilly? I could fall under either category |
 |
| You have NO IDEA how many of my childhood drawings depict this. No. Idea. These girls are fuckin' G! |
(I'll get a big "702" tattoo across my stomach to help me embrace my new look)
Anyway.
I'm celebrating my last weekend of being 25 by going to a bachelorette party... no, no, it's not that... it's a "bridal party."
I went shopping for the damn thing last night, since the party is this afternoon.
I almost had a fucking heart attack when I checked out the gift registry.
I knew Bed Bath and Beyond was a little pricey (one of the two places the bride is registered)... but Macy's (the other place she's registered)... that place... I was literally screaming as I scrolled down the list (I was in my room, making the selection before heading out to the store. Something told me I was going to be fighting the urge to strangle something while looking over the list, so I preferred to be in the comfort of my room where people couldn't see/hear me flipping out).
WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE THINKING?!
WHAAAAAT?!
500 DOLLARS?! WHAT THE HELL?!
YOU'RE CRAZY, BITCH!
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM?!
MOM!!! LOOK AT THIS!
Think I'm exaggerating?
Check this out.
And this.
Oh boy, look at this (this one ALMOST made me spill my hot tea all over my lap)!
But the winner was this one.
There was shit like a $120 electric razor, $90 fondue sets, $170 "touch screen" crock pot (crock of mother fucking shit, if you ask me. WHAT THE FUCK is that about?! Calm the fuck down, Wolfgang Puck!), $200 pressure cooker, TWO $140 juicers (REALLY?! REALLY?! You drink that much natural juice? You DON'T fool me with that bullshit! Go to Jamba Juice, asshole!).
You know what... fuck it. I'll link it here.
The somewhat logical, sane registry at BBandB.
And the absolutely preposterous, full of fucking shit registry at Macy's.
Don't just check out the item's price... but also the QUANTITY.
I think you all can figure out this lovely cousin's personality based on her list.
Am I the only one who finds it frivolous and outrageous?
With kitchen appliances that expensive... I'm assuming Hubert Keller and Iron Chef Bobby Flay ain't got shit on her.
Or she thinks she's freakin' Beyonce... getting married to Jay-Z.
I can see when you can demand shit of that price when you're a celebrity or member of some aristocratic family... when you've been raised accustomed to such luxurious items (a seventy-dollar trash can?? Really?! That's just... my brain nearly explodes with that. And people wonder why they're in debt... maybe if you quit spending 70-fucking-dollars on a motherfucking TRASHCAN!). But... none of us were. Our parents were illegal immigrants who worked their way up the ladder after decades of backbreaking labor. All our shit came from the Swap Meet... quit acting like your sensitive skin knows about thread count.
Ok... so that ruined my Friday night. I was furious.
Mom got her the $200 set of pots (I won't take credit for that. All I did was show Mom the registry and help her decide which would be the better buy in the long run. 200 dollars for a set of 13 pots is quite reasonable, if you ask me).
Now all I have to do is kill my Saturday by attending this party later today.
Hopefully by then, I won't be cynical and angry over my cousin's gift registry.
Hopefully... since I still went to bed cursing $70 trashcans, and I woke up mocking $120 juicers.
6 comments:
I'd buy her the measuring cup. Duty fulfilled. :D
lmao. I thought about it. Just buy a fucking spatula or something... or a soap dish... but they'd talk shit about us for life.
D and I were saying that if we were to get her the g.damn $500 blender, we'd DEMAND she cook for us at least twice a month. It would only be fair.
'sta loca la guey!
I still wouldn't have spent $200 on her ass. Maybe $75 on a Mikasa dish but nothing over $100. Fucking stupid ass bitch. (Pardon my rage. I just remember her and Guadalupe pulling my hair and shit when I was little. I hate her.)
ANYWHO!
I happen to like your brows. Pretty!
uh oh... looks like your wish to buy her measuring cups might come true... they gave us your invitation to the wedding :)
Vamos mañana al sushi pa' que te la de?
wow. is target too cheap for this kind of thing?
My thought EXACTLY! Everyone else I know goes Target... shit, I'D go Target, FOR SURE.
But my dad's side of the family is... somethin' else.
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