Reason #56729 why I hate girls. Imagine this scenario:
You have Friend A, Friend B, Babe (person YOU'RE fooling around with), and You.
Friend A is crazy. That's a motherfucking fact. She has said and done things to trouble more than FIVE people.
Still... crazy people need friends too. Plus, she's not the dangerous type of crazy... well, as in, physically dangerous. She can do much damage with her words, that too has been proven, but physically, a fifth grader can take her down.
Friend A said some shit that makes YOU seem crazy to others. She connives her way into fucking shit up between you and Babe (and she sneaks in and proceeds to go out on dates with him once he drops you like a hot potato).
Babe drops you, thinking you're batshit crazy... and you're left crying for a few weeks... not to mention permanently scarred and insecure of yourself. Wait... maybe I am... really crazy?
Friend B picks you up from the dumps Babe placed you in. She takes you out and helps you party off your shitty mood. Now, you've had your differences with Friend B that go back to your High School days... when you were a little chubby and uncool to boot because your parents were hard-headed immigrants who try raising you like they were raised back in the old country... in this new country, where ideas just clash.
Still with me?
Ok, you forgive Friend B in college, because... well, you were just being stupid kids back when she went around talking shit about your chubby self... and now, as semi-adults, you're cool.
Friend B, however, is adamant about you kicking Friend A to the curb. She eggs you on when you start (drunkenly) talking a bit of shit about Friend A.
FriendA is CRAZY! That bitch STALKS PEOPLE ON TWITTER!
Ohhh!! Tell HotBartenderFriendAHasACrushOn how she asked you to look up GirlHe'sSecretlyBanging in your middle school yearbook!
I didn't even know that girl went to my middle school! But when FriendA told me to do it, yep, there she was. CRAZY! HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT?! CRAZY BITCH!
Whaaaat?!
YEAH!!! Now tell him about the time...
Time passes, you've completely cut off Friend A from your life (except she's still there... ever-present on Facebook)... and more of your old friends are as well... because hey, Friend A is "ONE CRAZY BITCH!"
Now your reputation is slowly being rebuilt from the ruins Friend A made of it. People are once again giving you credit. You are once again being invited to Latin Nights at Blue Martini with the good ol' gang. They're once again spotting you drinks. Babe is once again hugging you for any reason, and making out with you each time he gets you tipsy with the vodka-waters he feeds you throughout the night.
Friend A is completely lonely... and somewhat suicidal. No clubbing for her.
Her FB status updates are getting increasingly depressing. More people start mocking her and noticing what a nutjob this chick is... all of this being discussed over martinis and Rock en Español.
Finally... she posts a status that has lyrics that reach your core.
You LIKE the status.
Friend A texts you within five minutes.
"I want my friend back. I really need to talk to you. I miss you. I don't know what to do. My mom was recently diagnosed with lupus, and now... things are crumbling right now. I need someone to talk to."
Fuck... you think. This bitch is crazy and she did me dirty... she made Babe dump me and FEAR me for a minute. But... she's in trouble... she's hurting... we all fuck up sometime. FUCK!
Friend B CALLS you (who the hell CALLS nowadays?).
FriendB: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
You: What?
FriendB: What the fuck are you doing "liking" Friend A's status?! Do you know how that makes you look?!
You: What? I liked her status. What's the big deal? I don't think that's an issue.
FriendB: What is Babe going to think? And (list of Blue Martini/Nightclub friends)?!
You: I don't give a fuck what they think. I did what I wanted to do. Plus, she needs me right now.
FriendB: WHAT THE FUCK?! DON'T YOU DARE!
You: I'm not going to become her BFF. I'm just going to hear her out. Her mom has lupus!
FriendB: You better think of how that's going to make you look before you go anywhere with her. Remember what she did to you!
You: That was months ago! I'm not above forgiving. We won't be close, but I'm going to give her some of my support.
FriendB: DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO HER!
Ok... now... who's the crazy one here?
Too much estrogen. I'm giving myself a headache.
God bless straight men... I don't know how they handle that shit.
(Let me clarify, MY female friends are AWESOME. I only have ONE sort-of-crazy friend... and I see her sparingly... when I don't have enough crazy in my life...)
You have Friend A, Friend B, Babe (person YOU'RE fooling around with), and You.
Friend A is crazy. That's a motherfucking fact. She has said and done things to trouble more than FIVE people.
Still... crazy people need friends too. Plus, she's not the dangerous type of crazy... well, as in, physically dangerous. She can do much damage with her words, that too has been proven, but physically, a fifth grader can take her down.
Friend A said some shit that makes YOU seem crazy to others. She connives her way into fucking shit up between you and Babe (and she sneaks in and proceeds to go out on dates with him once he drops you like a hot potato).
Babe drops you, thinking you're batshit crazy... and you're left crying for a few weeks... not to mention permanently scarred and insecure of yourself. Wait... maybe I am... really crazy?
Friend B picks you up from the dumps Babe placed you in. She takes you out and helps you party off your shitty mood. Now, you've had your differences with Friend B that go back to your High School days... when you were a little chubby and uncool to boot because your parents were hard-headed immigrants who try raising you like they were raised back in the old country... in this new country, where ideas just clash.
Still with me?
Ok, you forgive Friend B in college, because... well, you were just being stupid kids back when she went around talking shit about your chubby self... and now, as semi-adults, you're cool.
Friend B, however, is adamant about you kicking Friend A to the curb. She eggs you on when you start (drunkenly) talking a bit of shit about Friend A.
FriendA is CRAZY! That bitch STALKS PEOPLE ON TWITTER!
Ohhh!! Tell HotBartenderFriendAHasACrushOn how she asked you to look up GirlHe'sSecretlyBanging in your middle school yearbook!
I didn't even know that girl went to my middle school! But when FriendA told me to do it, yep, there she was. CRAZY! HOW DOES SHE KNOW THAT?! CRAZY BITCH!
Whaaaat?!
YEAH!!! Now tell him about the time...
Time passes, you've completely cut off Friend A from your life (except she's still there... ever-present on Facebook)... and more of your old friends are as well... because hey, Friend A is "ONE CRAZY BITCH!"
Now your reputation is slowly being rebuilt from the ruins Friend A made of it. People are once again giving you credit. You are once again being invited to Latin Nights at Blue Martini with the good ol' gang. They're once again spotting you drinks. Babe is once again hugging you for any reason, and making out with you each time he gets you tipsy with the vodka-waters he feeds you throughout the night.
Friend A is completely lonely... and somewhat suicidal. No clubbing for her.
Her FB status updates are getting increasingly depressing. More people start mocking her and noticing what a nutjob this chick is... all of this being discussed over martinis and Rock en Español.
Finally... she posts a status that has lyrics that reach your core.
You LIKE the status.
Friend A texts you within five minutes.
"I want my friend back. I really need to talk to you. I miss you. I don't know what to do. My mom was recently diagnosed with lupus, and now... things are crumbling right now. I need someone to talk to."
Fuck... you think. This bitch is crazy and she did me dirty... she made Babe dump me and FEAR me for a minute. But... she's in trouble... she's hurting... we all fuck up sometime. FUCK!
Friend B CALLS you (who the hell CALLS nowadays?).
FriendB: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!
You: What?
FriendB: What the fuck are you doing "liking" Friend A's status?! Do you know how that makes you look?!
You: What? I liked her status. What's the big deal? I don't think that's an issue.
FriendB: What is Babe going to think? And (list of Blue Martini/Nightclub friends)?!
You: I don't give a fuck what they think. I did what I wanted to do. Plus, she needs me right now.
FriendB: WHAT THE FUCK?! DON'T YOU DARE!
You: I'm not going to become her BFF. I'm just going to hear her out. Her mom has lupus!
FriendB: You better think of how that's going to make you look before you go anywhere with her. Remember what she did to you!
You: That was months ago! I'm not above forgiving. We won't be close, but I'm going to give her some of my support.
FriendB: DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO HER!
Ok... now... who's the crazy one here?
Too much estrogen. I'm giving myself a headache.
God bless straight men... I don't know how they handle that shit.
(Let me clarify, MY female friends are AWESOME. I only have ONE sort-of-crazy friend... and I see her sparingly... when I don't have enough crazy in my life...)
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