Well... now that I've opened that can of worms... guess I'll delve a little deeper, right?
Well, not "a little deeper," but I'll stick with the subject for a second.
I'm 26. This issue happened almost 20 years ago... yet... I still am affected by it in my every day life.
I often wonder if it's like that for everyone in my... unfortunate club, or if I'm just a weakass.
It's so conflicting, because in my heart, I really yearn for human contact... like... when I meet people, I really do wish to give them the biggest hug imaginable... because I really am a warm person... and I do give awesome hugs... but then that injured-seven-year-old AnoMALIE cowers away.
I'm not lying when I say that often times, when someone touches me, even with a simple hug, their touch lingers on my skin... as if they burned me. People's hands fucking hurt.
I also shudder when someone makes a move for me. It's a crazy reflex I can't really control... but my initial reaction is always that little shudder of... slight fear?
Makes me feel like a bronco.
Ever seen when a cowboy breaks a bronco? It's a pain in the ass. Then, once the bronco is slightly tame... it'll still be paranoid and freak out with sudden movements. It will somewhat reluctantly take sugar cubes/treats from your hand, and immediately go on guard afterward.
Most horses become tame enough to ride or use for work and whatnot...
... but there will always be one or two who remain pretty wild. You usually have to kill those.
Well, not "a little deeper," but I'll stick with the subject for a second.
I'm 26. This issue happened almost 20 years ago... yet... I still am affected by it in my every day life.
I often wonder if it's like that for everyone in my... unfortunate club, or if I'm just a weakass.
It's so conflicting, because in my heart, I really yearn for human contact... like... when I meet people, I really do wish to give them the biggest hug imaginable... because I really am a warm person... and I do give awesome hugs... but then that injured-seven-year-old AnoMALIE cowers away.
I'm not lying when I say that often times, when someone touches me, even with a simple hug, their touch lingers on my skin... as if they burned me. People's hands fucking hurt.
I also shudder when someone makes a move for me. It's a crazy reflex I can't really control... but my initial reaction is always that little shudder of... slight fear?
Makes me feel like a bronco.
Ever seen when a cowboy breaks a bronco? It's a pain in the ass. Then, once the bronco is slightly tame... it'll still be paranoid and freak out with sudden movements. It will somewhat reluctantly take sugar cubes/treats from your hand, and immediately go on guard afterward.
Most horses become tame enough to ride or use for work and whatnot...
... but there will always be one or two who remain pretty wild. You usually have to kill those.
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