Recently, one of my friends from elementary school found me on Facebook.
He was a really cute kid... but a very weird kid.
Now that I think back to it, I'm pretty sure he had ADHD.
Anyway, reconnecting with the kid took me back almost twenty years (WHAT THE FUCK?! We're getting so fucking old!!). Made me smile to remember some of the ridiculous things we did.
Like G.A.T.E.
That's where I met him. Since I was an ESL kid, my only interaction with the English-speaking kids was in G.A.T.E. class. Remember, while my primary language was Spanish, I was more than fluent in the english language... at least in speaking it, so I was allowed into G.A.T.E. because I could communicate... and apparently very well.
Gifted
And
Talented
Education
It was more like the
FUcking
WEird
KId
COnvention
Supposedly all of us in GATE were really smart... maybe TOO smart, so we had to be given a special hour-long class in a different room... I think it was every other day.
Every kid in there was WEIRD. AS. FUCK.
All of them.
To this day, I'm not entirely sure WHY I was admitted into that class... because I wasn't THAT smart... and I certainly wasn't THAT weird.
But anyway, regardless of how clueless I am behind the teacher's desire to add me to the GATE (FUWEKICO) clan, point is: I WAS part of it. I must have added something to that group of elementary school super heros.
Keno was a super, duper hyper kid. If I close my eyes, I can still hear his little voice... speaking at 200 words a minute. He had a bowl haircut... light brown hair... enormous eyes... crooked, giant teeth. He was cute. Really cute. But that hyperactivity... christ... that hyperactivity made it REALLY hard to admit it.
In GATE, he usually played second fiddle to Adam. Only Adam was able to control the hyperactivity... just not when a certain subject would be mentioned:
Vikings.
Good Lord! Vikings!
Fucking kid would salivate at the mere though of SPEAKING about vikings.
Group project up ahead? LET'S CALL OURSELVES THE VIKINGS!
What subject should we learn about next, kids? VIKINGS!
Today, we're learning about OCEANS! Know who sailed the oceans? VIKINGS!
I'd be banging my head against the table after ten minutes of dealing with this kid.
While Adam would subdue Keno, the other boy, Andrew, would only amplify the ADHD.
It was like Beavis and Butthead... actually, it was a lot like Beavis and Butthead, you wouldn't even have to change what they look like.
Anyway, Beavis and Butthead would go about and irritate the quieter Janakee and me, and we'd pretty much have to take it because it was considered "rude" to hinder a fellow classmate's "creativity."
Yeah, OK, hippie.
But there was a time when the hyperactivity decreased.
Beavis and Butthead would be very secretive, and would only want to QUIETLY sit next to J and me in GATE class.
I, being the typical optimistic dumbshit dreamer, thought this was because Keno liked me.
How cute! The cute kid likes me AND he can be quiet!
However, since J and I would usually be inseparable in class, it was kind of hard to tell who had a crush on whom. Still, we very gladly accepted this change.
One day when the teacher had left us alone in GATE class to work on some project, and Adam was sick of being the fifth wheel, he finally killed the harmony... like the true asshole he was.
Adam: ANDREW! JUST TELL HER ALREADY!
My heart was racing. J and I looked at each other with... excited anticipation?
Andrew: NO!
Adam: FINE! I'll tell her!
Andrew: N-OHHH!
Andrew was running over to Adam, trying to cover his mouth.
Andrew reached Adam before anything audible was uttered, knocked him out of his chair.
They were rolling on the floor, Adam laughing like a psychotic maniac, trying to scream something, while Andrew was red in the face and crying-- holding his hand over Adams face.
Keno, while hyperactive, was a peace lover above all. He'd be eerily mature when it came to keeping the peace.
He rushed to the brawling boys on the floor.
Keno: ANDREW! ANDREW! I'll tell her. Just get it over with.
Andrew sat still, still covering Adam's mouth, tears still rolling down his chubby cheeks.
Keno turned to me, took a deep breath, and spoke.
Keno: AnoMALIE...
YES! YES! YES!
Adam: ANDREW LIKES YOU!
Me: EWWWWWW!
Andrew: NO!
Keno: Yes. AnoMALIE, my friend Andrew here, likes... you.
Me: N-OHHHHH! I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!
Keno: Ew! Me?! NO! I like Janakee!
Janakee: EWWWW! WHAT?!
There we were, five kids in a room... five supposed baby geniuses... all five crying.
Me, crying because Keno "ew"ed me and because Andrew liked me.
Janakee, crying from the misunderstanding that she will now be in trouble for having a "boyfriend" behind her strict parents back.
Keno, crying because Janakee just "ew"ed him... and probably also because I liked him.
Andrew, crying because I "ew"ed him... and because Adam was such a little bitch.
And finally, Adam, crying from laughing so hard... that little sadist.
The look on the teacher, Mrs. Vanderbilt, was PRICELESS the moment she walked back into the room.
GATE classes resumed two weeks later.
Good times.
He was a really cute kid... but a very weird kid.
Now that I think back to it, I'm pretty sure he had ADHD.
Anyway, reconnecting with the kid took me back almost twenty years (WHAT THE FUCK?! We're getting so fucking old!!). Made me smile to remember some of the ridiculous things we did.
Like G.A.T.E.
That's where I met him. Since I was an ESL kid, my only interaction with the English-speaking kids was in G.A.T.E. class. Remember, while my primary language was Spanish, I was more than fluent in the english language... at least in speaking it, so I was allowed into G.A.T.E. because I could communicate... and apparently very well.
Gifted
And
Talented
Education
It was more like the
FUcking
WEird
KId
COnvention
Supposedly all of us in GATE were really smart... maybe TOO smart, so we had to be given a special hour-long class in a different room... I think it was every other day.
Every kid in there was WEIRD. AS. FUCK.
All of them.
To this day, I'm not entirely sure WHY I was admitted into that class... because I wasn't THAT smart... and I certainly wasn't THAT weird.
But anyway, regardless of how clueless I am behind the teacher's desire to add me to the GATE (FUWEKICO) clan, point is: I WAS part of it. I must have added something to that group of elementary school super heros.
- I was the quiet shy girl who really, REALLY liked to draw. That was about it. Oh, and I guess I was pretty freakishly good with numbers.
- Then there was Adam, the PE teacher's obese son who ran the school with an iron fist... that little jackass with his stupid Billy Ray Cyrus mullet, Freddy Krueger sweaters, and Harry Potter glasses. I dedicated an entire entry to him back in February.
- There was Janakee, the sweet Indian girl who constantly gave us lessons on growing up Hindu. She was cool, smart, and really good at dancing... but she was more silent than I was... by a fucking long shot. She dressed in traditional clothing... you know, the saris, the jewelry, the bindi. It was cool... but the teacher treated it like a handicap.
- There was Andrew. The blonde, blue-eyed, curly haired boy with a gap between his two front teeth. He was the poster boy for the all-american momma's boy. His mom would ALWAYS be in school. She ALWAYS volunteered to chaperone shit... even things that DID NOT require a chaperone. We all might have been eight-year-olds, but we all at some point questioned what the fuck this woman did around the house. Does she not have a job? Does she not cook? Does she not clean? WHY THE FUCK IS SHE ALWAYS AT SCHOOL?! GET A LIFE, YOU OBNOXIOUS WOMAN! Andrew was the typical Momma's Boy... super spoiled, annoying, loud... cried when he wouldn't get his way, etc. Since his Mom would ALWAYS be in school, we were all pretty much bullied into letting him do whatever the fuck he wanted... unless we wanted the wrath of the giant-hipped woman to come upon us (I CLEARLY remember this woman being the first person I ever saw cellulite on. I learned what that horrible devil was thanks to her MASSIVE lower half she refused to cover in anything other than Spandex. The woman was about six feet tall... so... that bottom was NO JOKE). Oh great! It appears I made this all about poor Andrew's mom... oh well.
Keno was a super, duper hyper kid. If I close my eyes, I can still hear his little voice... speaking at 200 words a minute. He had a bowl haircut... light brown hair... enormous eyes... crooked, giant teeth. He was cute. Really cute. But that hyperactivity... christ... that hyperactivity made it REALLY hard to admit it.
In GATE, he usually played second fiddle to Adam. Only Adam was able to control the hyperactivity... just not when a certain subject would be mentioned:
Vikings.
Good Lord! Vikings!
Fucking kid would salivate at the mere though of SPEAKING about vikings.
Group project up ahead? LET'S CALL OURSELVES THE VIKINGS!
What subject should we learn about next, kids? VIKINGS!
Today, we're learning about OCEANS! Know who sailed the oceans? VIKINGS!
I'd be banging my head against the table after ten minutes of dealing with this kid.
While Adam would subdue Keno, the other boy, Andrew, would only amplify the ADHD.
It was like Beavis and Butthead... actually, it was a lot like Beavis and Butthead, you wouldn't even have to change what they look like.
Anyway, Beavis and Butthead would go about and irritate the quieter Janakee and me, and we'd pretty much have to take it because it was considered "rude" to hinder a fellow classmate's "creativity."
Yeah, OK, hippie.
But there was a time when the hyperactivity decreased.
Beavis and Butthead would be very secretive, and would only want to QUIETLY sit next to J and me in GATE class.
I, being the typical optimistic dumbshit dreamer, thought this was because Keno liked me.
How cute! The cute kid likes me AND he can be quiet!
However, since J and I would usually be inseparable in class, it was kind of hard to tell who had a crush on whom. Still, we very gladly accepted this change.
One day when the teacher had left us alone in GATE class to work on some project, and Adam was sick of being the fifth wheel, he finally killed the harmony... like the true asshole he was.
Adam: ANDREW! JUST TELL HER ALREADY!
My heart was racing. J and I looked at each other with... excited anticipation?
Andrew: NO!
Adam: FINE! I'll tell her!
Andrew: N-OHHH!
Andrew was running over to Adam, trying to cover his mouth.
Andrew reached Adam before anything audible was uttered, knocked him out of his chair.
They were rolling on the floor, Adam laughing like a psychotic maniac, trying to scream something, while Andrew was red in the face and crying-- holding his hand over Adams face.
Keno, while hyperactive, was a peace lover above all. He'd be eerily mature when it came to keeping the peace.
He rushed to the brawling boys on the floor.
Keno: ANDREW! ANDREW! I'll tell her. Just get it over with.
Andrew sat still, still covering Adam's mouth, tears still rolling down his chubby cheeks.
Keno turned to me, took a deep breath, and spoke.
Keno: AnoMALIE...
YES! YES! YES!
Adam: ANDREW LIKES YOU!
Me: EWWWWWW!
Andrew: NO!
Keno: Yes. AnoMALIE, my friend Andrew here, likes... you.
Me: N-OHHHHH! I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU!
Keno: Ew! Me?! NO! I like Janakee!
Janakee: EWWWW! WHAT?!
There we were, five kids in a room... five supposed baby geniuses... all five crying.
Me, crying because Keno "ew"ed me and because Andrew liked me.
Janakee, crying from the misunderstanding that she will now be in trouble for having a "boyfriend" behind her strict parents back.
Keno, crying because Janakee just "ew"ed him... and probably also because I liked him.
Andrew, crying because I "ew"ed him... and because Adam was such a little bitch.
And finally, Adam, crying from laughing so hard... that little sadist.
The look on the teacher, Mrs. Vanderbilt, was PRICELESS the moment she walked back into the room.
GATE classes resumed two weeks later.
Good times.
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