A dor de ontem é a força de hoje-- Paulo Coelho
The pain of yesterday is the strength of today.
I was going to make a massive entry for 11/11/11.
I had been looking forward to that day for... a while.
Correction: The stupid optimist in me had been looking forward to 11/11/11 since I first heard about people making wishes at 11:11 (I'm Mexican, remember? We don't do that sort of shit. We pray to multiple saints and believe others when they tell us they've seen apparitions, but we certainly don't believe in the calamity that is wishing on numbers... that's just nonsense).
I complain. I'm cynical. I'm somewhat jaded.
But I'm SO. Motherfucking. Hopeful.
And I hate it.
That hope gets me in so much trouble. That hope gets my heart pulverized. That hope embarrasses me.
I kept the entry curt. Concise. Cryptic.
The lack of capitalization was done on purpose.
The lack of a title also serves a purpose.
It can be interpreted as pleading. It can be interpreted as cynical.
It can be anything, depending on the day or time I decide to read it... even depending on the person doing the reading.
Was it a wish? Was it me blowing it off?
Eh.
Know how they say telling your wish to other nullifies the wish?
The stupid optimistic girl in me sort of adhered to that rule.
But the asshole pessimist in me--AngrAmelie, remember?-- will ruin it a little:
There's a void in my soul... an ever growing, all-ingulfing chasm.
The feeling often fades, but never fully disappears.
What do you want to be when you grow up, AnoMALIE?
I want to be happy. I want to be normal.
21 years later, and that simple wish still eludes me.
What five year old asks to be "normal?" Many. And I'm one of them.
Many achieved "normal" status... but I only seemed to deviate the older I became.
The pain of yesterday is the strength of today.
Maybe if I repeat it enough times...
A stronger person may have been able to shake it all off. They might have become stronger people... but not I.
It still hurts. It still haunts. It still affects.
If dreams came true... if dreams come true: I want to be normal.
Because "happy" well... that's just not meant for me.
The pain of yesterday is the strength of today.
The pain of yesterday is the strength of today.
I was going to make a massive entry for 11/11/11.
I had been looking forward to that day for... a while.
Correction: The stupid optimist in me had been looking forward to 11/11/11 since I first heard about people making wishes at 11:11 (I'm Mexican, remember? We don't do that sort of shit. We pray to multiple saints and believe others when they tell us they've seen apparitions, but we certainly don't believe in the calamity that is wishing on numbers... that's just nonsense).
I complain. I'm cynical. I'm somewhat jaded.
But I'm SO. Motherfucking. Hopeful.
And I hate it.
That hope gets me in so much trouble. That hope gets my heart pulverized. That hope embarrasses me.
I kept the entry curt. Concise. Cryptic.
The lack of capitalization was done on purpose.
The lack of a title also serves a purpose.
It can be interpreted as pleading. It can be interpreted as cynical.
It can be anything, depending on the day or time I decide to read it... even depending on the person doing the reading.
Was it a wish? Was it me blowing it off?
Eh.
Know how they say telling your wish to other nullifies the wish?
The stupid optimistic girl in me sort of adhered to that rule.
But the asshole pessimist in me--AngrAmelie, remember?-- will ruin it a little:
There's a void in my soul... an ever growing, all-ingulfing chasm.
The feeling often fades, but never fully disappears.
What do you want to be when you grow up, AnoMALIE?
I want to be happy. I want to be normal.
21 years later, and that simple wish still eludes me.
What five year old asks to be "normal?" Many. And I'm one of them.
Many achieved "normal" status... but I only seemed to deviate the older I became.
The pain of yesterday is the strength of today.
Maybe if I repeat it enough times...
A stronger person may have been able to shake it all off. They might have become stronger people... but not I.
It still hurts. It still haunts. It still affects.
The pain of yesterday is the strength of today.
Maybe one day...
If dreams came true... if dreams come true: I want to be normal.
Because "happy" well... that's just not meant for me.
The pain of yesterday is the strength of today.
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