It's a trip to see the drastic change in a chick I once believed to have "corrupted."
In high school, she transferred over to the public school I attended for X reason during our Junior year of H.S. She was coming from this Lutheran school she'd been going to since pre-school or something like that.
Being that my group was the "multi-cultural, quiet, good girl" group... sort of... she started sitting with us during lunch (she had to choose between that, the hoe table, the jock table, the anarchist table, the Mormon table, the "I want to grow up to be a lawyer" table, or the underclassmen tables).
Well, it's no secret I have quite the dirty mouth. I drop the F bomb almost as often as I inhale. It's just how I've been since elementary (seriously, I've had this mouth since then, that's what happens when your dad watches so much HBO around the young'uns). However, since I really wanted this girl to feel comfortable in her first public school, and see that we weren't all... I dunno... sinning hood rats, I decided to give my potty mouth a break.
She's probably the only person I've stopped cussing for (besides that one Jehovah's Witness boy, who called off his wedding BTW). It was difficult, but anything to make her happier.
However, since she did sit at the lunch table, she'd be subjected to our "grown up" conversations, i.e. shit talking about who was doing what to whom (and sometimes, for how much). We weren't about to stop talking about the sleazy hoes that went to our school (and I don't use the term "sleazy" lightly. These girls deserve their own show on HBO/Spice Channel<-- Does that even exist anymore?), so Wholesome Girl was going to have to listen.
Well, one day, I made the fatal flaw (unbeknownst to me) of using the term "head" in its non-conventional meaning.
Fellow Potty Mouth: I don't see why so many guys think she's hot.
Me: Yeah, but you know why...
Other Potty Mouth: Because she's a hoe.
Me: That's what you get when you mention in class how much you like giving head.
(table laughs, except for Wholesome Girl. She just looks at me.)
Wholesome Girl: What's that?
Me: What do you mean?
Wholesome Girl: To give head.
Me: (Fuuuuck! She's a Christian! How am I gonna do this?) Oh well, you know...
Wholesome Girl: No...
(She smiles and turns her entire body in my direction, super curious. I look around at the other chicks for help, but they're too busy trying to get the milk out of their nose)
Me: Well... you sure you want to hear this? (You're fucking 17! How do you not know this?!)
Wholesome Girl: Yes!!
Me: You won't like... get offended... or mad at me?
Wholesome Girl: No! Tell me!
Me: Well... OK. It's when... you know... you can use... you use your... mouth...
Other Potty Mouth: Or your hand...
Me: That's a hand Job, head is with your mouth!
Wholesome Girl (smiling): OK...
Me: And you know...
(Wholesome Girl smiles, thinking she's going to hear the punch line to my awesome joke and she will eventually be ejecting milk from her nose like everyone else. Little does she know they're all laughing at her... naivete, and my lame definition of "Head")
Wholesome Girl: OK...
Me: Well, you do it with a guy...
(Wholesome Girl's face shows she doesn't like where this is headed<--- no pun intended, seriously)
Me: You kind of... ummm... you put your mouth on his.... and you just... ummm... well, you give him a blow.
Wholesome Girl: You blow on him?
Me: No... it's also known as a Blow Job... shit, ooops! I mean, I just gave you another word for it. Ok, well, don't hate me for this, but a girl puts a guy's... penis (man, I almost said dick) in her mouth and she kind of just.... treats it like a... popsicle... because it feels good to him...
Wholesome Girl's face turned beet red (and she's SUPER white... almost albino), her eyes got watery, and she laughed nervously, covering her face.
I felt like a horrible person... especially since everyone else was laughing so hard... I think I may have gotten watery eyed as well... it's not every day I take someone's innocence away.
Well, yes, I then became the girl who gave explanations to sexual terms to this girl.
A year went by, Wholesome Girl became a little more corrupted by other girls/boys, and we were now Seniors.
Senior year was the year she tried converting us all to her faith. She was cool with fellow Christians, regardless of the denomination, but she seemed to have beef with non-believers or non-Chrisitians.
One day, we were having a conversation about salvation (only with this girl would we have heated debates about salvation... with regular girls, we'd be talking about breast implants, hoes, and other Vegas attractions) and there was a good friend of ours there, who's Muslim, and another who was Jewish. My best friend, who's Agnostic, mentioned how all that really mattered was not harming others, and being an all-around good person, to be considered... well, worthy of going to "heaven," if there was one. My Muslim friend agreed, and said it'd be cool to believe in someone like Muhammad or Jesus, but as long as you weren't out hurting others, you could consider yourself worthy of not going to hell.
Well, Wholesome Girl chimed in: Not Me! I think you have to believe in Jesus in order to go to heaven. It won't help if you're just a "good person." You need to believe in Jesus so you won't go to hell.
Rest of us: Well, then...
We were frozen... like we had just received a bucket of ice-cold water to our back... and we looked at each other. Wholesome Girl was saying this to possibly the four most goody-goody chicks in the school. While in her eyes, I would still be going to heaven, I was so pissed that she had just damned my other friends to hell. Not cool. So I stopped talking to her after that... at least in a nice, homegirl way.
Anyway, this leads me to what I learned today: She's now married... to a Jewish boy.
Primero cae un hablador que un cojo!
It's lovely how things flip with time.
I hope they did, at least. It'd suck balls to live thinking your husband was going to hell... while you were going to heaven.
It'd be like being Darwin's wife... and I didn't think there'd be a relationship like that ever again.
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