Yesterday we spent the day together and "bonded."
At our "last meal," aka "stuffing our face at noon with sushi to eat jack the rest of the day," Rafa got a call from his Notre Dame BFF and ex-roommate.
Rafa: For real, ChingChangCheezy? (he has a thing for giving EVERYONE a nickname. They are not always the most politically correct, either. This guy is a hardcore "ginger." Give him a green suit and hat and he might as well turn into the ND mascot)
Rafa: You couldn't wait for me to get there? Shiiiiiyet.
Rafa: Yeh. I get there tomorrow. Yeh. I'll be there.
Turns out ChingChang got enganged to his chick of 6 months and he was asking Rafa if he was going to be able to make it to the engagement dinner at South Bend. Well, it's more of an "I'm engaged, let's get shitfaced this entire weekend!" dinner.
Rafa was excited... then his face turned sour.
Rafa: Fuck.
Me: What? Did you forget something?
Rafa: Fuck! Amanda (CCC's new fiance) is best friends with Katelyn.
Sister: KATELYN RILEY?!
Rafa: ... ... (grabs face) yes.
Sister and I: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Ok, backstory on Katelyn Riley:
Last year, when we went for Rafa's graduation, we noticed him a little uneasy while we were taking photos near Touchdown Jesus.
Then, this really pretty blue-eyed, blond-haired girl emerged from the crowd and smiled at my brother.
Chick: Rafi!!! I need a picture with you!
My brother looked like the executioner had just come to take him to the gallows, and they disappeared into the sea of black grad gowns.
Later that night, when we were hanging out with his best friends and their family, we noticed all the guys making fun of him... even some of the parents.
They were busting his balls over some Katelyn chick.
Ruffles would try to change the subject, but one of the guys would always manage to add a Katelyn jab.
Once it was time to go, Mom and Dad left in their car, and Rafa drove Sister and I to our hotel.
We had to ask about Katelyn.
Me: Why are they making fun of this "Katelyn?" Is it that really pretty blonde girl who took you away from us during photo time?
Rafa: I WISH!
Sister: Well... then who is Katelyn and why does her name make you blush?
Rafa took a detour and took us to the ND dorms.
Rafa: Ok. So I live here, right? Well... you know how my friends get so frustrated when I get shitfaced? We were at the pub I took you guys earlier, I was drunk as fuck, my friends got irritated with me and left without me noticing. I was bored, and knew few people... but I noticed this chick Katelyn. She has been in at least one of my classes every semester, and her friends told me she had a crush on me... but I would have preferred if they hadn't.
Me: Why? Is she a bitch?
Rafa: No. I guess she's cool... but she's not my type. But at the pub, she kept following me EVERYWHERE. This was in December, and it was snowing. I wanted to leave, so I went outside to get a cab. Katelyn and her group of friends followed me. They were like "Oh, well, we need to go back to our room as well. Let's all just get a cab together. We got you, Rafi." I was drunk and everything, but I kept thinking "What the fuck? These bitches live on the complete opposite side of my dorms... wait... do they want to know where I live?!"
Sister: Eww! She's a stalker?!
Rafa: Wait, it gets better. So I somehow manage to sit in the back of the cab. I'm between two girls and another one is in the front. It's really dark, so I don't know who's who. Next thing I know, I feel this girl grab my head and then her lips are on mine, and she just starts going at it. And I was like "What the fuck is going on here?!"
Me: Did you push her off?
Rafa: No. I mean... who rejects a kiss, right? The girl was down to make out, so I just sat there..
Me: ... and took it.
Rafa: Pretty much. She was down to make out with my drunk ass... and I didn't know who it was, so I just closed my eyes and let her have her way with me until the taxi stopped at my dorm. When it was time to get out... she opened the door and stepped out. I was horrified. It was Katelyn. And she wanted to go up to my room. So I was like "Umm.. no, I can't. The RA is going to see and you know we're not allowed to have girls in our room." And I bolted. I sobered up instantly.
Me: So what's wrong with Katelyn? She likes you... obviously.
Rafa: Well, when I got to my room, CCC asked me what was wrong. And I told him. He laughed so hard he woke everyone in the room... and I had to tell them the story.
Me: What is so wrong with Katelyn?
Rafa: She's a redhead... a curly-haired redhead... with the most freckles I've ever seen on a person. FRECKLES! After the day she dropped me off at my dorm, I didn't talk to her in class again.
Sister and I laughed pretty hard, because nothing appalls Rafa more than freckles.
Our laughter only grew wilder when he told us there was a second part.
Rafa: Then this March, it was St. Patrick's Day. Once again... I was drunk. Once again, it was that pub. ONCE AGAIN Katelyn was there. I don't know why I did this, but I went over to my friend, and I told him "I bet you anything, I can make that girl over there in the corner make out with me. I'm just going to walk up to her, and I bet you she's going to make out with me." He was like "Alright, D, fifty bucks. Go." So I walked over to her, tapped her shoulder... and who was it?
Sister and I: KATELYN RILEY!
Rafa: Yes. I tapped her shoulder, she turned around... and I was like "Shit! Why?!" but then I thought "Fuck it. 50 dollars." She smiled, and we just started making out.
Me: Was she drunk?
Rafa: That's the crazy part! She wasn't!
So, now knowing the story, we were eager to see her during our stay in South Bend, but we never had the pleasure. When we returned home, we couldn't even see her facebook.
That elusive little Katelyn Riley.
Ok, now let's fast-forward to yesterday.
As Rafa was lamenting over having to see Katelyn this weekend (Sister: Duuude! Imagine if you're paired up with her for the wedding! Rafa: FUCK YOU! Hell no! I won't show up to that shit), Sister and I remembered we had yet to see this girl.
We made a deal with Rafa: I'd pick up his tab AND give him a pedicure if (once we got home) he got on his facebook and showed us this girl with nerves of steel.
We get home, he tries to act like he forgot, but no. No, no, no. I don't forget this sort of shit.
He signed in to his Facebook and started to look.
He was still friends with Katelyn, but he wasn't allowed to see her photos.
Rafa: Oh, I know Amanda will have a ton of photos of her.
I knew he had found a stash once he covered his face.
Rafa: There... there she is... Katelyn Riley. Ergh.
There she was. In all her freckly glory.
I'd post a photo, but that's fucked up. Let's just say she looks like... umm... this:
 |
| Is that Katelyn, or Randall C. Weems? |
There were photos from that St. Patrick's Day she made out with Rafa.
Me: Damn... I see why you hit it and quit it, Rafa. She has a decent rack. Look at that low-cut shirt. Someone was trying to impress that night...
Rafa: (covers face in exasperation and some disgust) Man... no. Nah. Don't even... let's not talk about this.
Is my brother a jackass?
I don't know. He really does get distressed when he talks about her.
I'm even a jackass for joining in the ball-busting.
I'll go a lot easier on dudes from now on... I didn't know it was this fun to harass guys over such things.
Also, I'll definitely never tell another guy I like him, at least not publicly.
I don't want to be anyone's Katelyn Riley, with all due respect to the poor girl. I'm sure she's popular in... Ireland or something.
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