scary

"I always wanted to ask you out... but I was... kind of scared of you."
Famous words uttered last night by my good friend... who outted himself as gay last year.
What do you say to that? I sat there and smiled nervously... then laughed like a horse. I always found him attractive, and when I see him, I feel warm and fuzzy... but the moment he admitted to being gay, I clicked that "unavailable" switch in my mind.

I never knew I had such powers... ha! In all reality, it made me feel like shit. I like him, and hearing him say that put a lump in my throat. Of all the missed opportunities, this makes me feel like a horrible person.
I'm sorry, dude! Never meant to frighten you gay.

In other news, I died a little inside last night when the boy I've been crushing on my whole Chicago stay chose my sister at the dance. I should know by now that when up against her, I ALWAYS lose.

Therefore, I hereby give up.
I 'm DONE liking anyone... or at least having that lame ass illusion.