I spent the morning bawling my ass off... so much so, my voice is now shaky. You'd think I was the one divorcing the love of my life.
I never thought my cousin's divorce would hit me like this.
Then again, I'm pretty sure I know why I'm so fucked up about it:
I've known these two since they started dating. I was there from the start.
I do not know a girl in this world who adores her guy as much as my cousin adores her soon-to-be-ex.
She WORSHIPPED him.
I'm baffled with how a dude is willing to toss something like that aside.
I guess it's all HIS idea. He has been wanting a divorce for the last year, and it wasn't until recently when he up and told her: I don't love you anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. Let me go.
And like the loving, sweet girl she has always been, she finally obliged.
I can't express how much sorrow this brings me. It confuses me... this feeling.
People might think I'm exaggerating... and sanctifying her, but anyone who knows her can attest to my cousin's personality. She is SO naive, and sweet... she can be considered a complete idiot. She sincerely sees only the good in people. She is such a kind heart, she's stupid.
To see someone use and abuse her like that... for twelve fucking years... has really fucked me up.
My eyes are motherfucking swollen, for crying out loud!
I know I claim to be cynical, and not give a shit about love and bullshit of that nature... but goddamn it, I want to believe in love SO DESPERATELY. When something like this happens, I'm completely devastated.
I think of how an innocent, trusting human can be thrown into the pits of despair... and it breaks me. So bad.
Needless to say, my cousin's... destroyed.
I've never felt this type of ache. Now that I'm no longer crying, I have this permanent frown on my face.
Fuck.
Like ripping the wings of a butterfly...
I never thought my cousin's divorce would hit me like this.
Then again, I'm pretty sure I know why I'm so fucked up about it:
I've known these two since they started dating. I was there from the start.
I do not know a girl in this world who adores her guy as much as my cousin adores her soon-to-be-ex.
She WORSHIPPED him.
I'm baffled with how a dude is willing to toss something like that aside.
I guess it's all HIS idea. He has been wanting a divorce for the last year, and it wasn't until recently when he up and told her: I don't love you anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. Let me go.
And like the loving, sweet girl she has always been, she finally obliged.
I can't express how much sorrow this brings me. It confuses me... this feeling.
People might think I'm exaggerating... and sanctifying her, but anyone who knows her can attest to my cousin's personality. She is SO naive, and sweet... she can be considered a complete idiot. She sincerely sees only the good in people. She is such a kind heart, she's stupid.
To see someone use and abuse her like that... for twelve fucking years... has really fucked me up.
My eyes are motherfucking swollen, for crying out loud!
I know I claim to be cynical, and not give a shit about love and bullshit of that nature... but goddamn it, I want to believe in love SO DESPERATELY. When something like this happens, I'm completely devastated.
I think of how an innocent, trusting human can be thrown into the pits of despair... and it breaks me. So bad.
Needless to say, my cousin's... destroyed.
I've never felt this type of ache. Now that I'm no longer crying, I have this permanent frown on my face.
Fuck.
Like ripping the wings of a butterfly...
1 comment:
You can still believe in love, but it's easier if you know that it's fleeting. I was talking to my brother the other day and he put things into a perspective that I can try and put to use.
Me: "I think the reason I was so upset about it being over with [The Model] is because I wasn't entirely over [GWWBMGF] when I started dating her, so I was sad about both at the same time."
Him: "Dude. Relationships end."
There. Feel better?
;-)
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