So... I've mentioned how I hate getting patronized for going to church and all that stuff.
I've mentioned how I hit up church time because it's usually quite therapeutic... like free counseling.
I particularly dig my current routine, the English mass with Mexican-Italian-American Father Dave (I HAVE been going to the Spanish dude for the last few weeks, but he has been driving me bananas. The last straw came last week when he was preaching against science-- "the trait of being naturally inquisitive." The entire sermon I just stared at Mom, bewildered. This dude is seriously telling us to JUST LISTEN and DO what we're told by people of "higher rank" without question? MOM! YOU SERIOUS?! This is bullshit! Does he still believe Earth is flat?! I left the building with a pounding headache from all the pent-up rage. Aside from that, there's also the fact that the cute underaged boy hasn't gone to church since that one incident where his little crush was revealed. No more eye-candy? No more putting up with bullshit)... ex prison (jail?) chamberlain or whatever that's called. This guy is legit. He has awesome prison stories, he's empathetic, forgiving, LOGICAL, smart... his only flaw might be that he tends to be tardy to things.
I suspect the man is psychic as well. Ha!
Considering how furious this whole "Diet Pill" drama has had me the last few days, I thought it'd be best if I hit up the AM church again.
Then this morning, things were looking pretty bleak, because: I was running late to church, and as I was about three minute into the drive, my stupid tire pressure symbol came on.
I drove back home, and caught my dad needing a jump-start. He thought I had returned because Mom had called me or something... but no, I was just being AngrAmelie, returning home and calling it quits on my church-going.
Mom decided she was going to put air in the tires... and so, after seeing her go through the trouble, I had to go ahead and drive to church... cussing under my breath, of course.
I get to church five minutes late... in time to catch my favorite part of Mass, which is the whole therapeutic, eight to maybe ten-minute sermon part.
What did my homie mention in the sermon? How people always fail/refuse to believe others when they try and make a positive change. How this only demoralizes those who try really, really hard to change.
Of course, his speech was cooler than that... but it totally hit close to home. It was as if he was patting me in the back and telling me to calm the fuck down, everyone deals with haters, especially when they're trying to do something to better themselves.
Did he read my blog or something? Holy moly! I wish Hometowners came to English mass.
SO! I'm letting it go.
And I'm also going to try to let go of my reluctance to believe someone changed for the better.
See, this is my tie-in:
I only have ONE real enemy. One person I hate with ALL of my heart.
I read my journal entries from that summer, and the ink is smeared with tears, the pages wrinkled due to the tear stains... and the entries just grow increasingly darker.
This boy spent the entire summer tormenting me, and getting ALL the boys in Hometown to join him in the harsh bullying of me. This was a boy who had spent his entire childhood worshiping the ground I walked on... but come 1999, everything changed... because I hit puberty and got "fat."
So... I grew to loathe this kid. And in the back of my mind, all I ever wanted to do was make him swallow his words... gets some sweet, sweet revenge on him. I knew the possibility for him to like me was there... so, one day-- I promised myself-- I was going to make him DAMN the fucking day he taunted me nearly to death (no, seriously. I almost committed suicide that summer. Come on, I was 14. 14 year olds can only handle so much heat). I'm going to look good, I'm going to get you to drool over me, and in turn I'm going to humiliate/belittle you in public EVERY. CHANCE. I GET.
The plan never worked out... mainly because I went quite the opposite direction in terms to looks... but I did snub him every time we coincided ANYWHERE. He is the only person I have been openly, purposely, incessantly rude to.
Recently, in the last year or so, my approach when it comes to him is to act as if he's invisible. I'm indifferent to his presence. He DOES NOT exist in my world. Whenever I bump into him, I act as if I didn't see him, and I keep my distance... I just refuse to deal with him.
He seems to have matured... he IS one of my brother's childhood best friends, so I know this shit. He's also very kind to everyone in my family... he'd probably be kind to me, but I don't allow it.
Fast forward to Friday, the day I changed my FB profile photo out of spite.
Within thirty minutes, this ENEMY sends me a friend request... and adds me as family.
Nig, what the fuck are you smokin'?! You out yo mind!
The request is sitting there. I didn't accept, but I didn't deny.
Do I stick to being Vindictive Me, blow him off with a scathing comment?
Do I stick to acting as if he's non-existant and just let he request disappear on its own?
Do I let bygones be bygones and just... accept? Do I let it go? Could he POSSIBLY be attempting to fix his wrong-doing from so many years ago?
Or is he just being the same, stupid fucking perverted IMBECILE he has always been?
Well... call me an idiot, slap me next time you see me... but... I guess... I'll be the REAL me, and stick to being the gullible, naive, STUPID girl I've always been... and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I'll believe he's trying to be a good person.
I WILL shoot down ANYTHING resembling a flirtatious comment-- I will attack that shit VICIOUSLY.
First fucking perverted comment gets his ass deleted and blocked, but not before I chew his fucking ass out. I said I was going to TRY to let go of my reluctance to believe someone changed for the better... I'm not a fucking saint... yet.
(How many times did I say "fucking" on here? Resentful? Me? Whaaaat?)
I've mentioned how I hit up church time because it's usually quite therapeutic... like free counseling.
I particularly dig my current routine, the English mass with Mexican-Italian-American Father Dave (I HAVE been going to the Spanish dude for the last few weeks, but he has been driving me bananas. The last straw came last week when he was preaching against science-- "the trait of being naturally inquisitive." The entire sermon I just stared at Mom, bewildered. This dude is seriously telling us to JUST LISTEN and DO what we're told by people of "higher rank" without question? MOM! YOU SERIOUS?! This is bullshit! Does he still believe Earth is flat?! I left the building with a pounding headache from all the pent-up rage. Aside from that, there's also the fact that the cute underaged boy hasn't gone to church since that one incident where his little crush was revealed. No more eye-candy? No more putting up with bullshit)... ex prison (jail?) chamberlain or whatever that's called. This guy is legit. He has awesome prison stories, he's empathetic, forgiving, LOGICAL, smart... his only flaw might be that he tends to be tardy to things.
I suspect the man is psychic as well. Ha!
Considering how furious this whole "Diet Pill" drama has had me the last few days, I thought it'd be best if I hit up the AM church again.
Then this morning, things were looking pretty bleak, because: I was running late to church, and as I was about three minute into the drive, my stupid tire pressure symbol came on.
I drove back home, and caught my dad needing a jump-start. He thought I had returned because Mom had called me or something... but no, I was just being AngrAmelie, returning home and calling it quits on my church-going.
Mom decided she was going to put air in the tires... and so, after seeing her go through the trouble, I had to go ahead and drive to church... cussing under my breath, of course.
I get to church five minutes late... in time to catch my favorite part of Mass, which is the whole therapeutic, eight to maybe ten-minute sermon part.
What did my homie mention in the sermon? How people always fail/refuse to believe others when they try and make a positive change. How this only demoralizes those who try really, really hard to change.
Of course, his speech was cooler than that... but it totally hit close to home. It was as if he was patting me in the back and telling me to calm the fuck down, everyone deals with haters, especially when they're trying to do something to better themselves.
Did he read my blog or something? Holy moly! I wish Hometowners came to English mass.
SO! I'm letting it go.
And I'm also going to try to let go of my reluctance to believe someone changed for the better.
See, this is my tie-in:
I only have ONE real enemy. One person I hate with ALL of my heart.
7-19-99 (Mon.) I was ok for most of the day but then D told me that *enemy* said "La voy a describir con una palabra: GORDA" he said that about me! Now I'm feeling super depressed. That stupid little comment ruined my whole summer vacation!I had horrible self-esteem issues prior to that event, however, that summer this guy completely exhausted my patience, tolerance... killed my spirit.
I read my journal entries from that summer, and the ink is smeared with tears, the pages wrinkled due to the tear stains... and the entries just grow increasingly darker.
This boy spent the entire summer tormenting me, and getting ALL the boys in Hometown to join him in the harsh bullying of me. This was a boy who had spent his entire childhood worshiping the ground I walked on... but come 1999, everything changed... because I hit puberty and got "fat."
So... I grew to loathe this kid. And in the back of my mind, all I ever wanted to do was make him swallow his words... gets some sweet, sweet revenge on him. I knew the possibility for him to like me was there... so, one day-- I promised myself-- I was going to make him DAMN the fucking day he taunted me nearly to death (no, seriously. I almost committed suicide that summer. Come on, I was 14. 14 year olds can only handle so much heat). I'm going to look good, I'm going to get you to drool over me, and in turn I'm going to humiliate/belittle you in public EVERY. CHANCE. I GET.
The plan never worked out... mainly because I went quite the opposite direction in terms to looks... but I did snub him every time we coincided ANYWHERE. He is the only person I have been openly, purposely, incessantly rude to.
Recently, in the last year or so, my approach when it comes to him is to act as if he's invisible. I'm indifferent to his presence. He DOES NOT exist in my world. Whenever I bump into him, I act as if I didn't see him, and I keep my distance... I just refuse to deal with him.
He seems to have matured... he IS one of my brother's childhood best friends, so I know this shit. He's also very kind to everyone in my family... he'd probably be kind to me, but I don't allow it.
Fast forward to Friday, the day I changed my FB profile photo out of spite.
Within thirty minutes, this ENEMY sends me a friend request... and adds me as family.
Nig, what the fuck are you smokin'?! You out yo mind!
The request is sitting there. I didn't accept, but I didn't deny.
Do I stick to being Vindictive Me, blow him off with a scathing comment?
Do I stick to acting as if he's non-existant and just let he request disappear on its own?
Do I let bygones be bygones and just... accept? Do I let it go? Could he POSSIBLY be attempting to fix his wrong-doing from so many years ago?
Or is he just being the same, stupid fucking perverted IMBECILE he has always been?
Well... call me an idiot, slap me next time you see me... but... I guess... I'll be the REAL me, and stick to being the gullible, naive, STUPID girl I've always been... and I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. I'll believe he's trying to be a good person.
I WILL shoot down ANYTHING resembling a flirtatious comment-- I will attack that shit VICIOUSLY.
First fucking perverted comment gets his ass deleted and blocked, but not before I chew his fucking ass out. I said I was going to TRY to let go of my reluctance to believe someone changed for the better... I'm not a fucking saint... yet.
(How many times did I say "fucking" on here? Resentful? Me? Whaaaat?)
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