I have numerous "irrational" fears, many of which I've talked about here.
I say they're "irrational" because I'm sure many people will think I'm dumb for the things I fear... but in my head, I can totally reason them all out.
Like my fear of knives. It's not... like I run out of a room the moment I see a knife. I mean, I DO cook... especially meat, so I have to mess with them. I don't freak at the sight of knives, or the sight of others using knives as they're intended. I only freak out the moment I see someone "playing" near knives. My brain immediately screams "HEY! You can seriously hurt yourselves or others if you fuck around with those things! Get away from the knives!"
Very rational.
Then there's my fear which tends to baffle others: balloons.
Again, I don't piss my pants at the sight of balloons, I don't cry or any of that sort of shit either. I just get very uncomfortable and irritated. I hate the sound they make when they're popped, and when kids play with them, I think of them biting the balloon and getting some of the latex stuck in their throats.
Who knows, maybe in a past life I died after munching on a balloon or some shit. Point is, I DON'T like balloons, and whenever I'm near them, I tense the fuck up.
Then comes the fear I always thought of as irrational, but sadly, is now plausible.
My social anxiety has a lot to do with the fear. Whenever I'm in a crowded room, or... a large room, the first thing I do is look for my nearest exit.
Ever since I was about... maybe five, I always wondered what I'd do if some crazy shit happened whenever I'd be in a large group of people. I swear. I have no clue where this stems from, but that's how I've been since childhood.
The thought always crosses my mind, whether I'm at church, at a basketball game, a concert, a movie.
I always think "Dude, if some fucking crazy person just walked in here and started shooting at people... would I duck for cover... or would I run?" and so I sit there and analyze this sort of shit.
I blame the ghetto.
I seriously do this at the movies all the time. The thought has crossed my mind and all I really think is "Fuck, that would suck. It'd be like shooting fish in a barrel..."
Imagine my horror after seeing the mayhem that took place last night in Colorado.
My worst fucking nightmare come true.
Not gonne lie: I got teary-eyed as I read the reports and watched the footage. So fucked up, everything that happened... and HOW it happened.
Total bummer.
The thing that pisses me off is the fucking shooter.
Way to make us naturally quiet/timid people look like fucking psychopaths.
And the whole med school related stress thing... ahhhhhh!
See, the moment I realized the med school path was making me more miserable than happy was the moment I dropped that shit (well, I went on for two more years, but only because I didn't want to leave shit unfinished... because I'm stubborn).
Once the pain became too much to bear... and I could no longer control my body from convulsing each time I had a stressful exam approaching, I dropped that shit... I didn't go out on some fucking rampage against innocent people. What fault did they have? Sure, I didn't like the majority of my clique-y peers, but instead of taking it out on them, I decided to just get away from them for good. Just separate myself from the shit that makes me miserable. Cut your losses and move the fuck on.
Christ.
Well, there goes my chance at becoming any more likable. People are probably going to fear me/suspect of me now... and it's not like I'll be able to blame them.
Goddamn psychopaths... I wish they'd be a little more obnoxiously loud, and not brooding quiet types.
I say they're "irrational" because I'm sure many people will think I'm dumb for the things I fear... but in my head, I can totally reason them all out.
Like my fear of knives. It's not... like I run out of a room the moment I see a knife. I mean, I DO cook... especially meat, so I have to mess with them. I don't freak at the sight of knives, or the sight of others using knives as they're intended. I only freak out the moment I see someone "playing" near knives. My brain immediately screams "HEY! You can seriously hurt yourselves or others if you fuck around with those things! Get away from the knives!"
Very rational.
Then there's my fear which tends to baffle others: balloons.
Again, I don't piss my pants at the sight of balloons, I don't cry or any of that sort of shit either. I just get very uncomfortable and irritated. I hate the sound they make when they're popped, and when kids play with them, I think of them biting the balloon and getting some of the latex stuck in their throats.
Who knows, maybe in a past life I died after munching on a balloon or some shit. Point is, I DON'T like balloons, and whenever I'm near them, I tense the fuck up.
Then comes the fear I always thought of as irrational, but sadly, is now plausible.
My social anxiety has a lot to do with the fear. Whenever I'm in a crowded room, or... a large room, the first thing I do is look for my nearest exit.
Ever since I was about... maybe five, I always wondered what I'd do if some crazy shit happened whenever I'd be in a large group of people. I swear. I have no clue where this stems from, but that's how I've been since childhood.
The thought always crosses my mind, whether I'm at church, at a basketball game, a concert, a movie.
I always think "Dude, if some fucking crazy person just walked in here and started shooting at people... would I duck for cover... or would I run?" and so I sit there and analyze this sort of shit.
I blame the ghetto.
I seriously do this at the movies all the time. The thought has crossed my mind and all I really think is "Fuck, that would suck. It'd be like shooting fish in a barrel..."
Imagine my horror after seeing the mayhem that took place last night in Colorado.
My worst fucking nightmare come true.
Not gonne lie: I got teary-eyed as I read the reports and watched the footage. So fucked up, everything that happened... and HOW it happened.
Total bummer.
The thing that pisses me off is the fucking shooter.
Way to make us naturally quiet/timid people look like fucking psychopaths.
And the whole med school related stress thing... ahhhhhh!
See, the moment I realized the med school path was making me more miserable than happy was the moment I dropped that shit (well, I went on for two more years, but only because I didn't want to leave shit unfinished... because I'm stubborn).
Once the pain became too much to bear... and I could no longer control my body from convulsing each time I had a stressful exam approaching, I dropped that shit... I didn't go out on some fucking rampage against innocent people. What fault did they have? Sure, I didn't like the majority of my clique-y peers, but instead of taking it out on them, I decided to just get away from them for good. Just separate myself from the shit that makes me miserable. Cut your losses and move the fuck on.
Christ.
Well, there goes my chance at becoming any more likable. People are probably going to fear me/suspect of me now... and it's not like I'll be able to blame them.
Goddamn psychopaths... I wish they'd be a little more obnoxiously loud, and not brooding quiet types.
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