Sunday, July 15, 2012

Decadas

No sirve de nada.
Nada vale la pena.
Nada sale como uno sueña.

De chica, la manera en la que me lograba calmar, era cuando me convencia de que de grande, mi vida mejoraría.

Espero horas, dias, meses, años... y ahora hasta décadas. Y jamas me encuentra. Jamas valgo la pena.

Nada es real.

Yo, la eterna ilusa. La pobre, estúpida ilusa.
***

Friday night was sort of good. I guess.
It served the purpose of eliminating the... current gossip subject with Hometown folk... at least it did so with the Hometown folk who are related to me, from my mom's side.
Multiple people approached me, and this time were mindful when it came to their compliments-- they were actually nice.
My favorite compliment was definitely: Wow. I can actually see your muscle without you having to flex. That's awesome. Good for you!
I feel at ease with this group of people, because now they can see for themselves that I'm not "sickly" skinny... the kind of thin you get from diet pills.

I bring this up because tonight, I was made aware this topic, as in, the "AnoMALIE is thin because she's hooked on diet pills!" topic is what is currently circulating amongst the Hometown people. It's not just reserved to Pacemaker's nosey cousins, but the town in general. Men and women are gossiping about me.
Their opening line?
"Oh my God! You know who looks good? AnoMALIE! I saw her Facebook, and she looks SO SKINNY! There's a ton of photos of her on there, if you don't believe me!" Really? Where the fuck is that? Looks like I need to check my motherfucking privacy settings...
I heard this line tonight from a chick who isn't even my FB friend. I haven't even spoken to her since I was eight years old and I went on a camping trip with her.
"What's her secret?!"
There ain't no secret, bitch. It's a well known fact: diet and exercise.

While this agitates the shit out of me, at least I got to the bottom of WHO is talking shit and WHAT is being said.
The strangest thing is how everything fell together... even the line people are using... the "she's so thin because she's hooked on diet pills." (hearing the same line being used verbatim by different groups hurt my feelings more than I'd like to admit. But yeah, when I heard the phrase, I had to think of bunnies chewing on fresh lettuce in order to keep from crying. The line embarrasses me so much)
The whole diet pill thing came about thanks to my dad's idiot SISTER. She has been selling pills she gets from Tijuana... and apparently everyone is talking about how my paternal side of the family is getting SO THIN due to the pills.
"Todas esas están flacas por las píldoras."
I'm the latest target, because Hometowners never gave me enough credit and thought I'd be fat for life.

Apparently the chicks from Hometown are flocking to get info from me, but "can't get the courage to ask"... so instead they invent stories about me and mock me behind my back.
Good move, geniuses. Go ahead and get on my bad side.
Tonight one finally spoke up and asked me after accidentally bumping into me.
Such a suck up... so surprising to see how she acted as if we were such close buddies.
I tried setting the record straight, but I doubt she believed me.

Now I'm left feeling embarrassed... and upset.
I'm a quiet girl... the girl who would like nothing more than to be invisible.
Hometowners have never given a shit about me until now.
To know I'm currently one of the hot topics is... overwhelming.
To know I'm being ill-spoken of is worse.

I don't know why it's so easy for others to dislike me and intentionally hurt me.
Seriously, I must have been HORRIBLE in a past life. That's the only explanation I can find.

4 comments:

Kelley said...

It's not you. It's them.

You want to think the best of people and give them credit they don't deserve (IE being kind and respectful.)
When you're jealous of something, it's easier to say, "that bitch cheated!" rather than "that lovely young lady worked so much harder than I have at this and deserves all the success she has earned."

High school soccer - both at Durango and Sierra Vista- I got shit talked behind my back. Why?
Because I tried harder. Because I wanted to start and play the entire game. One of the girls at Durango even took the rumor to the next level - and made up a rumor, and told it to the coach - which got me benched for a game despite my adamant (truthful) denial (my mother being the person she was literally tore him a new asshole immediately after the game, but that's besides the point.)
The point is- people see success and think "what about me?!?!?!" It's usually not "good job! how'd you do it?"
You can't let them make you feel bad.
You know how fucking hard you worked.
People who support you know how hard you work.
Even though it's your hometown (and I understand that's a huge deal) and relations that are doing this- you can't let them make you sad.
You don't deserve to be sad.
You deserve to be happy.
It sounds really childish but "la la la, I'm not listening unless you have something nice and relevant to say" works wonders.

NO SAD Noemi!

AnoMALIE said...

lmao. I'll try. I thin I'll get that tattooed on my body somewhere.

ps. thank you, Kelley. I'll quit being emo, just a weird couple of days. Sorry about that :/

AnoMALIE said...

*I think*
Jesus, is it obvious what's bugging me? Sheesh! lol

Kelley said...

You have nothing to apologize for to anyone! Least of all me :) It's okay to be emo every once in a while- I just don't like that these people can take some positive and twist it with lies and make you sad... and really for no reason. You are a good, nice person who hasn't done shit that warrants negative societal commentary.
Now if you were on meth and heroin and joined the ku klax klan.. then people would have a right to talk