Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Always Found Someone (else)

No sabia de tristezas, ni de lagrimas, ni nada que me hicieran llorar.
Yo sabia de cariño, de ternura, porque a mi desde pequeño eso me enseño mamá-- eso y muchas cosas mas.
Yo jamas sufrí. Yo jamas lloré. Yo era muy feliz. Yo vivía muy bien.

He could make me laugh with a single word.
He'd always be so enthusiastic to talk to me. He taught me A LOT, even if he was four years my junior. We spent so many hours of our day just keeping ourselves company. We could sit in the room without saying a word, and we'd be cool. We were each other's... companion.

Yo vivía tan distinto-- algo hermoso, algo divino lleno de felicidad.
Yo sabia de alegrías, la belleza y de la vida, pero no de soledad... pero no de soledad, de eso y muchas cosas mas.
Yo jamas sufrí. Yo jamas lloré. Yo era muy feliz. Yo vivía muy bien.

Too often, I'd sit back and watch as MGH hooked up with other girls.
Girls of all shapes and sizes... ethnicities... ages... all kinds of girls. He would NOT discriminate.
I think that's what hurt me most... watching him indiscriminately hook up with any bitch... yet there I'd be, practically pleading... and he'd... he'd just... he wouldn't even high-five me. He'd just do that thing... where he'd tell me no one got him like I did, no one touched him like I did... and leave it at that.
I'd be left at the club... the park... the room... watching him prance over to the girl... and disappear for the night.
All I had was that nagging questions: What is SO wrong with me? Why NOT me? Why everyone BUT me?

Hasta que te conocí vi la vida con dolor. No te miento, fui feliz aunque con muy poco amor.
Y muy tarde comprendí que no te debí amar porque ahora pienso en ti mas que ayer... y mucho mas. 

Then you finally pulled the plug. And we went our separate ways. We remained friends... but not like before... for a while.
But like the strange, close friends we are... with the bond that will always keep us together... you still seem to known when to come to the rescue. Whether it's to make me giggle, or just let me know you're thinking of me, you know when to reappear.

Thank you, Mario.

Yo era muy feliz... pero... te encontré.

Someone else used to have this strange power... of oddly knowing when I could use a tiny bit of his attention... something as "insignificant" as a "Hello."
Now... now I really AM invisible... insignificant to him.

He always found someone to hook up with.

I'll never understand why the dudes never... never ever... chose me... when everyone else in the room got her chance at the dance.
They preferred to watch me quietly wilt away.

You cross my mind every day. Every single fucking stupid day. Still.

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