Little Guy Friends

I'm not surprised to know when a new rumor about me finally gets to me.

I AM, however, always surprised when I find out the culprits behind the stories.

It is always a family member. Always.

For the last six months or so, I've noticed my dad getting more distant from me.

I had heard how he became wildly upset when D left, because his idiot friends at work wormed the idea the D only left so she could let loose her inner slut.

I thought maybe Dad was holding some resentment towards me because maybe he thought I was keeping D's secret.

Finally, I was let in on the reason behind Dad's apprehension.

After a few months of not stepping foot at Mom and Dad's place, I went ahead and hung out with my folks and their coworkers for a few hours.

Everything was fine, and we were all laughing and telling stories, then my folks had to leave the building to fix an issue at a separate building.

I was left alone with the cashier and his dad-- who is also my first cousin.

The conversation was somewhat awkward, since this cousin is almost 20 years my senior. He was asking me questions, and I was answering.

Then he ruins everything with the stupidest question anyone can ask me:

So, what does the good ol' boyfriend have to say?

I looked up from my phone and made eye-contact with my cousin.

Me: I don't have one.

Cousin: Oh, so you just have "little guy friends."

Me: Friends.

The conversation was in spanish, so "little guy friends" is more like saying... fuck buddies. I knew he meant this because of the look on his face when he said it.

I felt as if I had been shanked in the gut by an icicle.

YOU!!!!

Everything made sense.

I KNEW I should have blocked him from my Facebook.

It's one thing for others to think I'm an easy whore-- I don't give a fucking shit what they think about me-- but when that shit gets drilled into my dad's head, and he BELIEVES it, it really fucking upsets me. I DO care about that... about what my progenitor thinks.

Finding the person(s) responsible for poisoning my dad against me infuriates me, not only because it makes me want to beat their fucking smug face, but because I CAN'T beat their stupid ass. 

That look of triumph they throw at me... as if they're fucking all-knowing... that "HA! I knew you weren't a good girl! ALL girls are whores!" look... it kills me. It makes my chest burn with hate.

The way my cousin looked at me, I could tell all he was thinking was that he somehow knew my "secret."

This girl is unmarried because she's too busy fucking all those guy "friends" of hers! You don't fool me, you sneaky hoe!

It makes me sick.

You're making my dad upset thinking he has whores for daughters all because you're fucking bored and want to gossip like some fucking women at the nail salon! WHAT THE FUCK?!

Only ONE guy in this entire STATE knows what my fucking lips even feel like... ONE GUY. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE with your fucking judgmental comments and fucking fables.

I don't understand why they'd take this BULLSHIT to the next level and try and convince my father that I am NOT the sweet innocent girl he thinks I am. WHAT concrete evidence do they have to hurt me like that? Some fucking photos on FACEBOOK, where the most I'm doing is HUGGING someone? Where the fuck are we living, again? Iran? Get. THE FUCK. Out of here!

But... I have to take a deep breath and calm down. There is no way I can control what other think of me, or what they WANT to believe.

I know what's up. I know that I am... damn near a fucking saint, and I don't care to "prove" anything to anyone.

Like I've said before:

Bring me ONE guy who can say he has ever touched me. Just ONE, and I'll let you talk all the shit you want.

Good luck.