Gifts "pore" you.

I received my first Christmas gift today.
A lovely, medium sized box was waiting for me on my doorstep when I returned home from the gym.
Since I'm relatively impatient when it comes to Christmas, I opened that shit up.
What was in it?
This.
And This.
And This.
And This.
And This.
Oh, and This.
Let's not forget This.

Fifty bucks if you can correctly guess the thoughtful soul behind this.
...
Ok, fuck it, it was Pacemaker.
As if it weren't any more obvious.

I texted her the moment I finished looking through the box.

Me: Thanks?
Pacemaker: For?
Me: I got your gift today
Pacemaker: Oh! You're welcome!
Me: Pore-reducing? Eye-Alert? Really? WTF?
Pacemaker: Hey, I'm only look out for you

It's kind of short notice, so I'm hastily planning my gift to her.
So far, I have:
This.
This.
And This.
Maybe This.

It's called "friendship."
I reciprocate, buddy!


(In all reality, I understand she works at Kiehl's and that sort of thing is in the forefront for her. I do appreciate her going out of her way to get me the stuff, especially since I wasn't expecting it. It was kind of her to even think of me as she Christmas shopped... but damn... it was weird to catch the trend going on there. Now I know what she stares at when we hang out. Pore-Reducing... get the fuck outta here. And NO, I'm not actually getting her all that shit. I'm not that mean... plus, it's expensive! I just sent her a card that said "IOU. Redeemable in NYC... the actual city. For real." Needless to say, I'm avoiding the shops AT ALL costs once we're out there... don't want this chick redeeming her card in fucking Barneys or some shit. Jesus. She'd do that, too. Shit... I just gave this bitch a credit card, didn't I?)

I should have given her my wish-list:
- To be happy.

Hmm... somehow, I don't see her being able to fulfill that one for me... she didn't even pack the fucking peanut butter she had promised me earlier in the week.
Peanut butter would have definitely made me smile.
Or raspberries.
Or chocolate.
Or blueberries.
Or carne seca.
Or a dude wearing this shirt:

(that would produce a bitter-sweet smile... so he'd probably only get a thumbs-up from me. But this is definitely still better than pore-reducing cream)
Or Cristiano Ronaldo.
Come on, I'm easy!

Pore-reducing cream... pshhh!