Hell of a life

"Pisces are always torn between choices, whether to seek the light or sink into the darkness."

You don't say?

These last few days have been uncharacteristically difficult.
Needless to say, my choice was of the latter.

JC suddenly let everyone know he was in Argentina this morning on FB, he hadn't even told MGH he was going out there. So... now I know what that phone call was all about.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt. We were supposed to be travel buddies. I should have never brought up his girlfriend the other night. I'm such a moron.

I also found out I've been left out of the April wedding. I'm not hurt over being left out, even if I AM going to be the only cousin missing (I'm already practicing my responses to the fucking nosey bitches who are going to ask why I'm not part of it. I'm also practicing my "happy" face I'm going to have to put on for the many "pity" faces I'm going to be receiving. Four months of practice seems fair enough), I'm just upset over the way the bride went about it.
She invited my sister-- and only my sister-- to her house, where she asked Sister to be her bridesmaid. When Sister agreed, Bride goes "I already have 18 couples... so... tell your sister I'm not asking her."
So, I bumped into my sister this morning by the bathroom. This is how she greeted me:
Oh! Last night the Bride asked me to be in her wedding. She said she had 18 couples, so she wasn't putting you in.
Ok...
I went about the rest of my day in solitude, locked in my room, editing (what else?).
Am I being out of line here? Is it bad of me to be hurt by this? Bride could have at least invited me to accompany my sister to her house where she could have maybe told me personally, right? I mean, she is my first cousin and all.
But... what's done is done.
It's mostly my fault for making others think it's Ok to run me over like that. I'm the one who goes out of my way to avoid showing emotion in public (besides rage... I do show a lot of rage. Beating up others and whatnot. Not something a gentle soul would do, I suppose).

Anyway, then came church time in the evening.
I was sitting quietly, biting the inside of my lips (hey, it keeps me from crying. It's pretty helpful). I was looking down at my hands without saying a word, waiting for mass to start, when I felt Sister lean over and whisper in my ear.
No more drugs for me... pussy and religion is all I need...
I had to laugh.

I may fight a lot with Sister, and we may not have much in common, but she knows what to do when I'm at my lowest. She knows when I'm putting up a front, and really just need a hand to get me out of that "darkness" in which I've agreed to sink.
She's a trip.
I love that monkeyface.

And yes, people in church thought Sister and I were crazy... which only made us laugh harder.
If only they knew what I just said... so inappropriate. 
<3