Pools

Today, I learned how to read palms.
That's how bored I was.
Ok, correction... I didn't really learn how to read all palms, I just learned how to read my palm.

My mom's sister, the one who lives here, has this creepy side to her. Creepy in the sense that she likes all of that occult, sixth-sense type shit. It gets creepy because she's pretty good at it. She can tell when someone's going to die, and that is TERRIFYING.
Anyway, for a good... 15 years of my life, she has been telling me that she wants to teach me how to do the tarot thing and the palm-reading thing, because according to her, it's obvious I'm "sensible" to it.
Ok... ?
But since Mom is such a staunch Catholic, she's been all "OVER MY FUCKING DEAD BODY, YOU HEATHEN!" and hasn't allowed my aunt to say a damn thing to me in regards to the process. NOT. A. DAMN. THING.

Well, today we happened to drop by and pay auntie a visit.
Sister and Mom sat next to each other, and the only spot available for me was next to my aunt.
I was checking out my left hand because I scratched the shit out of it the other day, and the scab is at that itchy stage... and somehow, looking at it eases the itch (NOT. I stare at it to see if there's a spot lifting so I can proceed to pull it off... because I'm gross like that).
My aunt looked over and said "You have a pretty palm," all while grabbing it and proceeding to inspect it.
This is when my brain remembered my aunt's little trick.
TEACH ME HOW TO READ! Palms...
So she started.

Now, she told me all the differences, and what the lines mean, but to tell you the truth, I was only listening to what pertained to me.
She was pretty spot on:
*You like to write. (I've never told her this)
*You have a tendency to get very depressed. (I haven't told her this either)
*Laughter's very important to you... and you like to make others laugh.
*You let your heart rule your head (damn it!)
*You're a hopeless romantic (NO ONE IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW! Keep that shit to yourself!)
*You're relatively impulsive (and I've gotten into serious shit thanks to that)
*You don't fuck around when it comes to drinking. You have the mercury line (I think that's the name of it. Like I said, I wasn't really paying attention), which means you can drink most people under the table (ta-da! and so I'm validated by my own palm! Take that, muthafuckaaas!).
*Your liver's great, but your stomach sucks (oh God, and how!)
*You're a late-bloomer.
*You're very quiet, shy, and detached... but a lover of nature and animals (now this is not that hard to figure out)

Ok, all good there. She was checking out my fingers and nails and all that shit. She was explaining what other shapes and directions in other people's hands meant... but of course I didn't retain any of it... because she gave me ONE little bit of news that upset the fucking shit out of me.
Aunt: Umm... you don't... how funny... you don't have a marriage line.
I open my eyes wide at her.
Aunt: And you're missing... the attachment line... the one that has to do with romantic relationships.
WHAAAAAT?!
Me: What are they supposed to look like?! Lines here? Wait... isn't that a line? I see a line... come on! I have to have a line.

Turns out I have no "attachment lines." I do have one, but on the "non-dominant" hand, which translates to me having only "shallow relationships." And while I do have a couple of lines on the dominant hand, they're faint... which supposedly mean affairs... which is like... whaaaat? I would never do that!

Needless to say, I came out of it a little upset.
No marriage? Fine, whatever, who cares. No meaningful relationships? Not cool. And why is that funny?
Sadly, so far, it's spot on!
Great.

Who wants me to ruin their lives by reading their palm? Come on... there have to be takers... I'll do it for free! I promise not to see a pool in your future.

(I still don't understand why my aunt told me I had a nice palm, if it basically translated to "bitter spinster bitch" to me. I should have asked if there were any fucking cats in my future... although I take it by her "lover of nature and animals" that it probably means I'll be running a cat sanctuary by the time I'm in my 30's)